Top 10 Alternate Realities the Angel Clarence Didn’t Show George Bailey

George Bailey and the Angel Clarence sitting in a bar. Stewart has a confused expression. Clarence looks away, smiling.

Portrait of a man and a wingless angel peering into the Twilight Zone 13 years before it was created.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: Frank Capra’s beloved classic It’s a Wonderful Life is my wife Anne’s favorite Christmas film. One of the stops on our 2022 road trip was the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum in Seneca Falls, NY. A full decade ago we were horrified at the news that someone was sincerely planning a sequel, then relieved when it was canned a year later, though I had thoughts on where the franchise might’ve gone next. Thankfully no one was listening to me, but there was so much more to explore in Bedford Falls.

The film is one of the most famous non-geek precursors to pop culture’s recent glut of tales set in the wild, weird multiverse where one character can meet infinite variants of themselves, learn a little something about What Might Have Been, and appreciate their own screwy timeline a little more…or come away twisted with jealous rage and vowing revenge on their past writers. Way back in 1946 a rookie angel named Clarence let despondent everyman George Bailey suffer ninety minutes of tragic setup followed by a half-hour What If…? episode with an ultimately happy ending (even happier if we accept this 1986 SNL sketch as a canonical coda). Whereas today’s heroes sometimes meet dozens or even thousands of distortions of themselves — all the better to generate new action figures and IP spinoffs — just as Star Trek only has the one Mirror Universe, Clarence only takes George on a single measly tour through the looking-glass. That’s probably because Clarence’s trainee power-levels were several billion gigawatts below the all-seeing gaze of Uatu the Watcher, but still…he could’ve tried to access a few more if he liked George that much. Y’know, just for fun.

Continue reading

“The Crown” Season 6, Part 1: Who Killed Princess Diana the Most?

Princess Diana seated at a black piano with a hesitant expression. The open lid is shiny enough to contain her reflection, tilted 90 degrees widdershins. At upper right is the Netflix logo.

“It seems to Elton I lived my life like a candle in the wind…”

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

At the start of the pandemic my wife Anne and I binged the first three seasons of Netflix’s The Crown and soon caught up with the rest of fandom. One slight hitch: while Anne is a major history aficionado, that was never my forte. Compared to my blissfully ignorant self, Anne is far more knowledgeable of history in general and British royalty in particular. Frankly, I’ve learned more about their country’s storied past from my wife and from Oscar-nominated movies than I ever did from school. So far I’ve enjoyed anyway, and understood most of what’s gone on…

After catching up on the first three seasons in one mid-quarantine lump sum, followed by focused listicles for Season Four and Season Five respectively as they debuted…here we go again! Creator Peter Morgan and returning directors Christian Schwochow and Alex Gabassi bring us the first three-fifths of season 6, a four-part arc devoted to the biggest elephant among Buckingham Palace’s numerous elephant-filled rooms: the Death of Di. (Spoilers ahead. You probably know the ins and outs of her tragedy better than I do, but a few show-specific artifices will come into play.)

Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons Why Warner Brothers Canceled “Coyote vs. Acme”

Wile E. Coyote answering an old-fashioned telephone whose cord is the only thing keeping him tethered to a cliff.

Wile E. Coyote on Friday getting the news from his agent.

All weekend long, rational onlookers with any shred of goodness in their hearts have been outraged at the news that Warner Bros. Pictures pulled the plug on what would’ve been a new Looney Tunes feature, Coyote vs. Acme. After spending five years and $70 million on the project — which combined animation and live-action, and would’ve starred Wile E. Coyote, the Road Runner, and John Cena — the company announced in an incoherent statement that they plan to concentrate on making films and this film didn’t qualify as a film. Or something. For want of a credible explanation, we’re 105% certain it’s another soulless tax write-off situation. Several folks involved in the production — including its director Dave Green, the editor, the composer, and the practical effects teams — have been sounding off about their collective heartbreak on social media and sharing tidbits from their work-spaces as evidence of What Might Have Been.

As usual, though, no one thinks of the billionaires. Sure, this act destroys WB’s integrity and signals to any and all actors and filmmakers that they have absolutely no reason to trust them as an employer ever again. Sure, audiences have no guarantee that they won’t give the same destructive treatment to other allegedly upcoming films like Dune: Part Two or the Joker sequel. Sure, this sends a heavy-handed message to James Gunn that they could do to Superman: Legacy what they did to Batgirl if he fails to satisfy their capricious whims. But wait! What if their boneheaded, pocket-lining, dismissive act of anti-art cruelty and complete waste of everyone’s creative efforts were remotely justifiable in any way to us, the non-lobotomized Viewers at Home? And what if they’re just too shy to be honest with us?

From the Home Office in Indianapolis, IN: Top 10 Reasons Why Warner Brothers Canceled “Coyote vs. Acme”:

Continue reading

Halloween Stats 2023: Extra Helpings for the Brave and the Bold

Our kitchen table covered with over 300 pieces of candy in ten different piles. Possibly as many as 400. I lost count.

Yes, we overprepared. Fortunately candy never lasts long enough for us to worry about expiration dates. Assuming candy even has those.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: each year since 2008 I’ve kept statistics on the number of trick-or-treaters brave enough to approach our suburban Indianapolis doorstep during the Halloween celebration of neighborhood unity and no-strings-attached strangers with candy. I began tracking our numbers partly for future candy inventory purposes and partly out of curiosity, so now it’s a tradition for me. Like many bloggers I’m a stats fiend who thrives on taking head counts, even when we’re expecting discouraging results.

Continue reading

MCC Q&A #9: Who We’ve Met – The Master List (so far)

Us doing jazz hands with four cast members from "Star Trek: Picard" -- Michelle Hurd, Isa Briones, Evan Evagora, and the late Annie Wersching, who wore a paper crown.

That time at Star Trek: Mission Chicago in 2022 when we met Star Trek: Picard season-2 cast members Michelle Hurd, Isa Briones, Evan Evagora, and Annie Wersching (RIP).

The topic at hand was suggested by a Facebook discussion in the wake of our Fan Expo Chicago weekend back in August. In a private group for fans of that con, Heather S. asks: “Do you have a master list of all the people you’ve met at cons?”

Well, now we do! We do love brainstorming, listing, and cataloguing. Frankly, we couldn’t believe we hadn’t done this sooner without prompting.

Continue reading

All Five “Black Mirror” Season 6 Episodes Ranked

A pale young filmmaker and his cooler girlfriend boggle at an open laptop.

Down in the dales of “Loch Henry” everyone gathers ’round the ol’ viewing device for another round of tales of terror.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: four years ago I finally took the plunge into Charlie Brooker’s Black Mirror dystopunk series well after the rest of the world had already finished it and moved on. I wrote an untimely listicle seven episodes into my binge, more of a writing exercise than a useful post, but never circled back around once I’d finished everything available, up to and including the gamified “Bandersnatch”, which to this day remains the only feature-length I’ve ever watched entirely on my phone. (A clever experiment, granted, but our TV is large and current-gen enough that I hate watching anything longer than a .gif on a screen the size of a deck of cards.)

In their vast selfishness, Netflix released Season 6 a week before Anne and I went on vacation. I had time for only one episode before takeoff, made time for one more while we were out of town and supposed to be relaxing together (edgy bleakness is not her thing), and sped through the rest after we returned home. Now I’m caught up with the BM fandom that’s only two weeks ahead of me this time.

Continue reading

My Ten Favorite Spider-People in “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse”

Miles Morales and Spider-Gwen sitting upside-down on the underside of a ledge, looking out on New York City.

Two Spider-friends chatting about their tangled webs.

It isn’t writer’s block exactly, but jovially verbose movie entries that amount to “WOWIE WOW WOW WOW 11/10 no complaints!!!!1!!” take far longer to coalesce in my head than irritated MST3K-ish nitpickery of a more disappointing flick. Hence why Transformers: Rise of the Beasts got an entry before Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse did, even though I saw the latter first on opening weekend. Obviously I can’t simply not write about it, but it took days to turn “WOWIE WOW WOW WOW 11/10 no complaints!!!!1!!” into any kind of fun writing exercise. Hence: pointless listicle time! I haven’t churned out one of those in months.

Continue reading

Our 2022 Road Trip #25: 10 Ben & Jerry’s Flavors That Deserved to Die (And 5 That Didn’t)

Vermonty Python ice cream tombstone

Exempt from competition because it has my favorite epitaph, it’s Vermonty Python: “Coffee Liqueur Ice Cream with a Chocolate Cookie Crumb Swirl & Fudge Cows”. I expected Spam and elderberries.

We had a grand old time at the Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream factory tour, but the fun didn’t end at their threshold or at closing time. On the way to the parking lot is a special outdoor tribute we’ve never seen any other company attempt: a mock graveyard in which every tombstone represents a discontinued product. When was the last time you visited a McDonald’s with its own chapel where you can light a candle for the Cheddar Melt or the McLean Deluxe?

Continue reading

The Oscars 2023 Season Finale

Posters for all this year's 10 Best Picture nominees.

Excerpted from host Jimmy Kimmel’s ABC ad for the event, which also featured Jon Hamm and a very special guest.

Oscar season is over at last! Tonight ABC aired the 95th Academy Awards, once again held at ye olde Dolby Theatre and hosted for a third time by ABC’s favorite trooper Jimmy Kimmel. Coming in at 158 minutes by my clock including end credits, it was nowhere near the longest ceremony ever, but that didn’t stop Kimmel and his writing staff from relying on runtime jokes for half their material. To be fair, runtime jokes are as much an Oscar Night tradition as the lengthy runtime itself. If watching these telecasts is your annual Super Bowl, then you’re used to both of those things.

Continue reading

The Oscar Quest ’23 Grand Finale: All the Other Nominees I Could Catch

Tobey Maguire as a rich, Mob-connected ghoul in "Babylon"

Peter Parker declares, “THIS IS CINEMA!”

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! Longtime MCC readers know this time of year is my annual Oscar Quest, during which I venture out to see all Academy Award nominees for Best Picture, regardless of whether I think I’ll like them or not, whether their politics and beliefs agree with mine or not, whether they’re good or bad for me, and whether or not my friends and family have ever heard of them. I’ve seen every Best Picture winner from Wings to CODA, and every Best Picture nominee from 1987 to the present, many of which were worth the hunt. You take the good, you take the bad, and so on.

In addition, this will be my third annual Oscars Quest Expanded Challenge, which was inspired by that darn pandemic — to see not just all the Best Picture nominees, but as many nominees as possible in all the other categories as well…

That was January 24th. Fast-forward to today, and I’ve watched all I can watch, for better or worse. A grand total of 53 different works are up for Oscars this year. As of this writing I’ve watched 50. Of the four irritating omissions:

  • Ireland’s The Quiet Girl is coming to Indianapolis theaters March 10th, at the eleventh hour before the ceremony when we have an extremely busy week planned. [UPDATED 3/12/2023, 1:40 p.m.: I did fit it in and wrote about it in the nick of time.]
  • The documentary All That Breathes is exclusive to HBO, which we don’t normally have. (Our cable company had another “Watchathon” weekend recently; this film’s HBO debut was the following Tuesday. Grrrrrrrr.)
  • The international feature Argentina, 1985 is exclusive to Amazon Prime, which we’ve never had.
  • The documentary short How Do You Measure a Year? has no streaming plan announced yet.

A perfect record would’ve been nice, but I’ll cope. I can mentally file it as “a Delaware Problem” and my heart will go on.

Continue reading