“Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”: Exploring the Possibilities of 0.00001% of the Marvel Universe

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD

Drama! Excitement! Danger! Peaceful forest walks!

Six episodes into Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (not to be confused with, say, Law & Order: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.), we’re seeing little improvements here and there as the writers make up their minds how the camaraderie and rivalries should work between the characters. The series began as an awkward hodgepodge of our man Phil Coulson, Ming-Na Wen (Mulan, ER‘s early seasons), and some extras on loan from the CW, who together felt not nearly scruffy enough to headline a Joss Whedon TV project.

I’m warming a little more to the show as the weeks progress. I’m no longer wishing for Skye the fake-hobo hacker to be dismissed and dropped off at her van down by the river. I’m no longer letting the mystery of Coulson’s alleged clinical death undermine my attention. I’ve stopped nitpicking at how Agent Ward looks 25 but we’re expected to believe he has the acumen and respectability of a 50-year-old war veteran. And I can’t remember the last time I was distracted by an underbudgeted special effect.

One major disappointment still looms: while it’s nice to see them playing with elements of the Marvel movie universe — what’s stopping them from exploring more deeply into the actual Marvel Universe?

(Fair warning: one bit later in this article is a mild spoiler for tonight’s new episode.)

So, about that Marvel Universe…

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/4/2013 (spoilers): Does Sin Taste Like Chicken?

Tom Mixon, Nicole Beharie, Sleepy Hollow

Indignant Minuteman Rages Against Oppressive Umpire.

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow, “The Sin-Eater”, before the flashbacks and the anguish begin, Lieutenant Abbie Mills catches her partner Ichabod Crane up to speed on another important development he missed during his 250 years in magical suspended animation: the invention of baseball. With Abbie’s help our man Crane is barely introduced to the alienating jargon but randomly screaming at players in no time, just like a modern fan. This was why the Revolution was fought.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for tonight’s special guest star!

“Ender’s Game”: Kids Kill the Darndest Things

Asa Butterfield, Ender Wiggin, Ender's GameIf the stakes were catastrophic enough, the training techniques were sufficiently intensive, and the world were just that unforgiving, who’s to say preteens couldn’t be accelerated to maturity and transmogrified into hardened soldiers like today’s eighteen-year-old American military volunteers?

Thus is the foundation laid for Ender’s Game: in a future where millions have perished at the hands of insectoid aliens (the predominant taxonomic class of Hollywood aliens), Earth’s last hope — and who knows how many hopes were wasted before the story begins — lie in an interstellar military system built on targeting the most gifted junior high students for recruitment, instead of the older kids least likely to go to college.

So, about that big-budget sci-fi thingie…

Halloween Stats 2013: Citywide Raincheck Crushes Holiday Spirit

cheap Halloween mascots

My two perennial centerpieces, the disturbing duo of Plastic Faceless Reaper and the Bewildering Spider-Skull . And MCC readers who look closely will recognize a character from a previous entry!

First time in my life, as far as I can recall: this year the city of Indianapolis postponed trick-or-treating until November 1st due to a severe thunderstorm forecast for Halloween night. Considering how the eventual storm left thousands of residents without power for hours, I can’t dispute that it was the right call from a public safety standpoint. Our household was spared the worst of the ostensible onslaught. Our lights blinked once, and one of my Halloween crows fell on its side. If there’s a problem level more insignificant than “first-world problems”, that’s where our threat level fell.

The unavoidable rain delay killed our neighborhood turnout, though.

Click here for dismal results…

The MCC Halloween Archive!

October fire pit

Bring a lawn chair, cozy up to the fire pit, and share an MCC entry or two from last October with the entire family!

As a Halloween extra for Midlife Crisis Crossover readers who’ve joined us within the past year, or for anyone who loves a good rerun, we offer any or all of the following links to last year’s themed celebrations of the season:

* “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Trick-or-Treaters” — In which I give American kids unsolicited advice on how to do their job properly and earn their free junk food with a clear conscience.

* “Pumpkin Flavored Everything” — Of the four (4) pieces of fiction ever attempted in MCC’s 530-odd entries to date, this 1000-word tale about family, obsession, and the Great Pumpkin remains the most-Liked so far.

* “Halloween Stats 2012; or, the Decline of Trick-or-Treating Civilization” — I’ve kept track of our trick-or-treater traffic every year since 2007, when we became first-time homeowners and escaped our old apartment that trick-or-treaters refused to approach. It helps me determine the next year’s inventory, and sometimes I think counting things is fun. Expect a follow-up this year, though a day late because Indianapolis has officially postponed festivities to Friday due to rampant murderstorms in our Thursday night weather forecast. Boo, hiss.

Enjoy! And Happy Halloween!

“Revolution” 10/30/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville vs. the Manchurian Son

Zelkjo Ivanek, Revolution, NBCOn tonight’s new episode of The Tom Neville Show, “Dead Man Walking”, the best scene was shockingly not a Neville scene. Near the very end, a new character rides into the town of Willoughby, a mysterious Dr. Horn whose high-level connection to the Patriots implies big trouble ahead for our man Neville and his gang. I’m excited because, even though all Dr. Horn did this week was literally ride into town and wave hi, he’s played by Željko Ivanek (at right in the above photo), a recurring supporter from the great Homicide: Life on the Street who’s popped into dozens of movies throughout my lifetime and made them better places to be, for at least the span of his own scenes. If Revolution is adding him as a Big Bad, then…well, between him and last week’s strong episode, I may consider being excited about the frequent scenes that don’t have Giancarlo Esposito in them.

Enough about Ivanek. What about this week in Tom Neville news?

Southern Indiana, Autumn Wonderland

My wife and I spent last Saturday deep in the heart of southern Indiana, a land whose most outstanding feature is the autumnal color change that sweeps the forests and lures us city folk from our comfort zones for a spell. If you need a break from your internet addiction, it’s an eye-catching time for it, especially since that entire half of the state is largely off the grid and proud of it.

autumn creek, Birdseye, Indiana

Ooh, more pretty fall leaves!

So You Want to Be a Super Awesome “Freshly Pressed” All-Star

WordPress "Freshly Pressed" badgeA fake reader lurking within my subconscious writes:

Dear Mr. Crossover,

Hello! How are you? I am fine. I have been using WordPress.com for four years. Please follow my blog and reblog all three of my posts so far, because I just Liked a random post you wrote last month without reading it and now you owe me. I have another question. I read your About page and it says you had three different posts on Freshly Pressed, which is a really big deal because it means WordPress likes you best. I think that’s really unfair and you didn’t deserve it and I want to know your secret. How can I be more like you and get Freshly Pressed so that I can become famous and everyone will like me and then I can write for Hollywood and make enough money to buy your website and set it on fire and run over the ashes in my new Humvee? Also, I nominated you for a Liebster Award and I will Follow you if you Follow me.

Sincerely,
N.V.S. Strawman
Exposition, WY
http://ripoffsweatshopfashions.wordpress.com

Dear Mr. Strawman,

I wish you hadn’t asked, but I can tell you what I’ve learned from the experiences that changed my life forever and made me Hero of the Internets. As you begin reading, prepare to rethink your entire existence piece by piece, until every second becomes retroactively spectacular from Day Zero onward.

Click here for handy tips on how to be me!

2013 Road Trip Photos #17: Open Sea, Infinite Horizon

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Several different Cape Cod companies offer whale-watching cruises. Your family boards a large boat with dozens of other passengers, spends an hour circumnavigating the Cape, spends another hour or two in the nearest part of the Atlantic Ocean searching for signs of whales, seeks every possible opportunity to gaze upon a real whale in the wild, and spends another hour returning to port. Their cruises are short, fast, and noncommittal compared to your average week-long Alaskan cruise. If you have no real reason to remain out to sea for days, it’s a much more affordable open-water sampling method.

Even if the Hyannis Whale Watching Cruise had turned out whaleless, the voyage itself off the Cape into the nearest reaches of the Atlantic Ocean was a fascinating experience for our family of landlubbers. Our landlocked homeland is hundreds of miles from the nearest ocean, and we certainly don’t have any whale pods conveniently hanging out in Lake Michigan.

whale watching, Cape Cod

Venture forth into the tumultuous waters of the Atlantic!

The Mantis (With Apologies to Poe)

The Deadly Mantis

Once upon a weekday dreary, one that ended with us bleary,
Still we persevered to complete every forgotten chore
As my wife, who got home first, often has the workload worst
Let out the dog before he’d burst, burst right through the door
“Hold on, already!” she muttered, “First let me at the door —
Then you’ll go, and not before.”

For dog’s sake she flung the entry, when, while standing there as sentry,
Nearby hung a praying mantis about as tall as Tipper Gore
Perhaps a slight distortion make I, but it looked her in the eye
It, with mien of calm and cool, perched right on our outer door —
Perched upon the squeaky hinge that held fast our outer door —
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

(Continued…if you dare!)

A Photo Salute to the Little Things About Baseball

night game, Louisville Bats, Victory Field, Indianapolis

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my aversion to sports… [but] a boon from my employer facilitated tonight’s very special date with my wife at fabulous Victory Field, home of the Indianapolis Indians, our local minor-league baseball team.

(We took many photos for sharing, but the night and I are no longer young. Another time for those, I think, along with the story of how I earned those free tickets…)

I later shared the story of how I earned the tickets, but tonight we present the long-missing conclusion of the Great MCC Baseball Trilogy — i.e., those photos I said I’d share. With the 2013 World Series underway this week, pitting our old pastor’s favorite team against the guys from Fever Pitch, now seemed as good a time as any to recapture that date night my wife and I spent at Victory Field. Our best photos focused largely on the ephemera surrounding the showdown between our Indianapolis Indians and the Louisville Bats. We were more intrigued by the details around the edges rather than by the game itself. We’re weird, atypical Americans like that.

That’s not to say the game didn’t have its moments. Night games in particular are fun for me at Victory Field, chiefly because this was a rare excuse for me to remember what nightlife looks like. I’m not one for barhopping or full-price matinees, and nighttime is when all the best TV shows are on, not to mention it’s my key time slot for internet typing. Diversions from routine can be invigorating, though.

This way for more ballgame memories…

“Revolution” 10/23/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville on Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Giancarlo Esposito, Nicole Ari Parker, Revolution, NBC

Tom Neville, Defender of Wagon Force One!

On tonight’s new episode of Neville and the Revolution, “One Riot, One Ranger”, it’s promotion time for Our Hero once again! This time he didn’t even have to try — just wandered near Secretary Allenford’s wagon at exactly the right moment. Sometimes even a master planner needs a helping hand from blind luck.

Read more about his three (3) scenes tonight!

Back When I Wore Halloween Costumes

Harry Potter costumes

Fortunately for our uncommon family, J. K. Rowling created characters for every imaginable somatotype.

For one and only one glorious Halloween in 2003, our family decided to dress up in a unified theme. Left to right in that aging 35mm photo are my son as Ron Weasley, myself as Hagrid, and my wife as Professor Sprout. At the time we were all fans of the series in books and movies, though they both fell out of favor with my son as he grew old and too-cool. My wife read all seven books multiple times and spent painstaking hours upon hours compiling her own comprehensive Harry Potter lexicon. My fandom level fell reasonably between the two.

Most of the accessories were thrift-shop finds. My son’s Weasley hair was simulated using an entire can of orange hair spray. We spent the evening accompanying her sister’s family and had a total blast. And then we never did it again.

Old man’s costume history follows…

A Few Plugs for Old Friends

Erin Boyes, Fruitcake

Erin Boyes and just desserts, in promo art for writer/director Seth Sherwood’s short film Fruitcake.

When I first boarded the Internet express back in 1999, I was fortunate enough to discover a few different online communities with hobbies, interests, sensibilities, and misfit vibes similar to mine. A couple of those places humored me and didn’t complain when I stuck around for as long as those communities existed. While many contemporaries, rivals, and extras have come and gone, it’s been a grand old time chatting, debating, spitballing, and growing older in real time while maintaining virtual connections with some of those folks over the past decade-plus. The most gratifying part is watching their creative endeavors in assorted arenas, as cast members (so to speak) have found ways to put their talents to use, been rewarded with moments of success, and/or kept dreaming even bigger dreams.

Historically speaking, Midlife Crisis Crossover has been terrible at plugging friends’ projects. You’d think it would be one of the many natural uses for a nicheless blog like mine, and yet…here I am, smacking my forehead and feeling sheepish about the oversight. If I can’t pass along their good news and upcoming projects — especially for the magnanimous one or two among them who’ve kindly passed word along about this site to their own connections since its inception — then what can I pass along?

In that spirit, MCC offers the following items of interest for your perusal. It’s been a privilege to share membership in the same online community with each of these contributors, who deserve the success they seek in their respective walks of life. If said success includes a product with a “Special Thanks” section, here’s hoping they keep the little people in mind. LOUD COUGH.

* * * * *

For your reading/viewing consideration:

2013 Road Trip Photos #16: Parts of a Whale

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Several different Cape Cod companies offer whale-watching cruises. Your family boards a large boat with dozens of other passengers, spends an hour circumnavigating the Cape, spends another hour or two in the nearest part of the Atlantic Ocean searching for signs of whales, seeks every possible opportunity to gaze upon a real whale in the wild, and spends another hour returning to port. Their cruises are short, fast, and noncommittal compared to your average week-long Alaskan cruise. If you have no real reason to remain out to sea for days, it’s a much more affordable open-water sampling method.

Such a vacation plan begs the question: did we actually see any whales?

The answer: yes, but not an entire whale. We had no moment of cinematic majesty in which a humpback whale vaulted high above the sails in slow motion for the perfect photo op. Not once did a sperm whale jut its head out of the water and spray water through its blowhole in our faces. Nor did we witness a single second of an entire whale pod racing across the surface or dancing together in an intricately choreographed Busby Berkeley extravaganza. That would’ve been worth twice the ticket price, but you have to understand: those scenes in movies and TV shows are performed by Hollywood stunt whales. In our world, not every whale is that gifted, or that starved for human attention.

With that in mind, my family and I bring you the following display of cinema verité, in which we present what whale photography really looks like without a special effects budget. Behold the wonder of nature at its finest!

whale, Cape Cod

Wait! Don’t leave! It gets slightly better!

The Old Introvert’s Guide to a Fun Night on the Town All Alone

Taste of Havana, Broad Ripple, Indianapolis

The average loner feels as if they’re always on the outside looking in. This is a POV of me on the inside looking out, convincing myself that I’ve turned the tables on the rest of humanity. Your move, humanity.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Just got back from attending my first concert in years…I have multiple reasons for rarely indulging in live music, but in those extremely rare situations when bands I actually, truly like (or liked at one time) come to town, this old man has been known to grant exceptions.

For the record, as with many of my past concert experiences, I attended alone. My wife and I share many important qualities and beliefs, but we differ on some of the unimportant stuff, including but not limited to musical preferences. That’s hardly a recipe for disaster, but if I want to catch one of my favorite musicians live, it means I’m on my own. The only acquaintances who share my musical tastes all live in different states. When I was younger, it was a bit more soul-crushing to find myself alone in a crowd full of happy couples and cliques. The older I get, the less it damages me.

When I have the opportunity to check out something interesting beyond our four walls, it’s not an automatic assumption that someone must be there to hold my hand. My wife and I find plenty of opportunities for quality time, but sometimes I’ll heed the call of a potentially rewarding solo adventure. How do I keep my spirits up without whining about loneliness or making sad puppy-dog eyes at other people and wishing really hard that they were my BFFs? What follows is a partial list of some of the personal guidelines that served me well on this particular jaunt.

Advice by introverts for introverts:

Fountains of Wayne, Soul Asylum, Evan Dando: My Personal One-Night Mini-Lollapalooza

The Vogue, Indianapolis, 10/17/2013Dateline: October 17, 2013 — Just got back from attending my first concert in years. Tonight at the Vogue, one of Indianapolis’ most well-known nightclubs in the heart of the Broad Ripple neighborhood, three catchy bands appeared on a single bill for an appallingly low price. Honestly, for $22.00 a head, I felt as if we were ripping them off.

I have multiple reasons for rarely indulging in live music, but in those extremely rare situations when bands I actually, truly like (or liked at one time) come to town, this old man has been known to grant exceptions.

The evening of excellence progressed like so:

Continue reading

“Revolution” 10/16/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville and the Corporate Ladder of Evil

Tom Neville, Giancarlo Esposito, Revolution, NBC

Born down in a dead man’s town! The first kick he took was…and so on.

On tonight’s new episode of Giancarlo Esposito’s Revolution, “Patriot Games”, Tom Neville teaches us all an important lesson about office politics: never let your evil supervisor stand between you and the evil promotion you deserve.

Read more about Neville, the people’s antihero!

MCC Q&A #5: Of Sandmen, Midlife Crises, and Comic Con Updates

RoKenhrontyes, Marti Matulis, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

Sometimes even Ro’Kenhrontyes has questions that need answering, and mirror images are terrible at trivia.

Though I don’t advertise it heavily with an intricately crafted banner across my “About” page, Midlife Crisis Crossover maintains an open policy of Ask Almost Anything (because in my lifetime, AAA has been far more beneficial to me than the AMA), which extends not only to regular readers and commenters, but also to constant Likers, silent Followers, and passing Googlers. If you have a question, a plea, an intensely thoughtful comment, or a request for a fun brainstorming list that can’t be answered in a short, simple reply, we’re happy to elevate it to Main Topic status for a future entry and explore the subject further in depth. Caveat: you must prove you’re not an illiterate spammer in order to qualify for this offer.

From time to time we also review queries and curious sentence fragments from passing search engine users, because even the silent, fleeting passersby deserve to be heard, even if they’re no longer around to find the answer they needed. We haven’t checked the ol’ MCC search-term mailbag in ages, and the suggestion box has indeed been stuffed silly. Tonight seems as convenient a night as any to dig in and bring closure to the unclosed.

Let the questioning begin!

* “is there any biblical parts in the movie the crood”

There’s a flood. Close enough?

* “does rachel and matheson due from the grenade in revulution”

If only we’d been so lucky. So far, still ticking.

* “train floats”

No, it won’t. Please think twice before making this misconception integral to your next heist caper.

What else do our Googlers demand to know?

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/14/2013 (spoilers): the Chaucer Whisperer

Sleepy Hollow, Fox

BIG ICHABOD IS WATCHING YOU. Even though he has no idea how it works.

The fifth episode of Fox’s Sleepy Hollow, “John Doe”, tosses a few new elements in with some things missing from recent escapades. Ichabod reunites with Katrina; a new Horseman steps onto the game board; another early American legend is revealed as more than it seemed in your history classes; and, as with such movies as Outbreak, we confirm that diseases can be a really dull antagonist.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Continue reading