Also crucial to MCC’s everyday traffic patterns and my daily motivational requirements are the most silent and transient visitors of all, those unknown passersby who drop by MCC momentarily in their pursuit of their diverse search engine results. No matter how interface technology progresses, no matter which social platforms succeed which obsolete circles, even if microblogs killed the blogosphere star, rest assured the Internet will always be filled with people questing for knowledge, seeking answers to life’s hardest questions, or just needing someone to talk to. I welcome those occasions for MCC to provide those answers, that trivia, or this shoulder to cry on. If even one of those bystanders is an angel entertained, so much the better.
Granted, I can’t help with every question. 1970s DC Comics editor Bob Rozakis may have called himself “The Answer Man” and known virtually everything, but I’m no Rozakis. For months now I’ve been plagued by two nagging conundrums in particular that the Internet has yet to solve, and I’m at a loss to fill the knowledge void: “Bailey Buntain height” and “Casey J. Adler age”. Those faithful Bunheads fans demand to know anything and everything about their new favorite show, up to and including the physical attributes of its young ensemble cast. Trust me, if this information is ever released to the general public, MCC readers will be informed immediately. At the moment, I’m stumped on both counts. Until TMZ unseals these two secrets, let’s all pretend for the sake of peace that Carl Cramer is age forty-five and Ginny is three-foot-seven. (Better yet for the latter, if someone can ascertain Emma Dumont’s height, we can use geometry to determine Buntain’s height in comparison, assuming neither of them is standing on a milk crate in every shared scene and intentionally skewing our calculations.)
Thankfully, not all the searchers’ burning questions are that unanswerable. For this edition of MCC Q&A, unwitting strangers submitted the following queries:
* “what is a flood diorama project”
It’s a small-scale model of a section of landscape that’s been overrun with water. They’re less dangerous to create than those explosive volcano models that TV sitcom children think are their only science fair option. Sitcom kids clearly don’t get out much and should be made aware that science has more than one category.
* “Subway sandwich special for January 2013”
This month’s featured five-five-dollar-five-dollar-footlong is the new Chicken Chipotle and Cheese, which is made with the same old chicken chunks, whatever cheese, and the same southwest sauce they’ve carried for years. Since few customers have thought to combine those three exclusive ingredients, suddenly they’re pretending they’ve invented a whole new foodstuff and probably applied for a patent.
Also of interest is their recent buy-twelve-inches-lose-one-free sale. That promotion has yielded mixed results.
* “how long end credits Django Unchained“
They’re maybe two minutes, tops. Most of them are done in the page-by-page manner of Kubrick, Scorsese, and Paul Thomas Anderson. You’ll have no chance of reading more than 5% of them and will be forced to wait for the DVD so you can freeze-frame and peruse them at your leisure. Over halfway through, for some reason they switched to the usual credit-scroll format, as if the movie were bored with itself and wanted to hurry to its own end.
* “is Sasha a real dancer on Bunheads”
More Bunheads questions? SIGH. Look, no, I’m pretty sure Julia Goldani Telles is a paraplegic hermit whose impressive talents are a complex creation of Walt Disney Animation. How else to explain all the obvious CG and camera trickery in every number, not to mention the weekly Bunheads reruns during Adult Swim?
…by which I mean yes, she’s a real dancer.
* “forbes.com political affiliation”
Forbes Magazine’s CEO Steve Forbes is a two-time rejected Republican Presidential candidate. I only subscribed for a short time, but most of his op-ed columns boiled down to “Obama gonna ruin everything!” I’d say he’s conservative, then.* “does Tracy Spiridakos act”
As opposed to reading her Revolution dialogue from cue cards SNL-style? Um, possibly. Her character Charlie is my least favorite, but I think it’s an arguable case of casting mismatch rather than talent deprivation. She held her own a little better in the last two episodes before the break, so we’ll see if she spent her extended winter vacation preparing for her second chance.
* “does Summit House have spigot for drinking Pikes Peak”
The Pikes Peak Summit House is a full-fledged snack bar with an extensive selection of refreshments, not just an outhouse and a water pump. Unless you have some dire need to hook up a garden hose while you’re 14,000 feet above sea level, food and drink aren’t a problem.
* “salary of Tony Gilroy”
Hollywood studios rarely leak how much the writers or directors are paid. I would expect writing and directing The Bourne Legacy earned Gilroy a low-seven-figure payday, but I truly have no idea. He could’ve been foolish and agreed to waive his salary in exchange for a percentage of the net profits, but I doubt it.
* “I’ve been to midlife crises I regret”
More than one? My sincere condolences. I’ve thus far suppressed the urge to buy a sports car and troll the local nightclubs for younger chicks half my age and weight. My wife won’t let me, and they probably all have lousy taste in pop culture anyway.
* “is Buckhorn Exchange near Route 66”
The original Route 66 circumnavigated Colorado altogether to the south, and certainly never came near Denver’s famous upscale taxidermy-loving restaurant.
* “refuse Liebster Award”
No, I didn’t. I accepted it back in December. It’s not my fault if you missed the Variety write-up about the shindig.
* “mid life crisis bear”
That’s a terrible idea for a mascot. If you can’t think of something more emblematic of the MCC experience than the notorious Empty Chair, then just don’t bother.
[Questions for future MCC Q&As are welcome anytime from Googlers or even from regular readers alike, even if I’m not openly begging for them. As with MCC Q&A #1, this session was made possible by the nuts-‘n’-bolts providers at WordPress.com, to whom I remain continuously grateful. And to the lone search-engine loner who found MCC via the terms “Amy Sherman Palladino nude”: please oh please BEGONE. Thank you.]