“Sleepy Hollow” 2/2/2015: Salem Witch Trials and Tribulations

Sleepy Hollow!

And men shall call this villain…Power Pilgrim! Colonel Colonial! Professor Puritan! The Thanksgiving Thaumaturge!

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Our Heroes kept Hawley’s vampire godmother from using a Kali statue inappropriately; Crane learned karaoke works better when Abbie picks the songs; the Ford Motor Company revealed their hopes and dreams for your future; and the resurrected Captain Irving emerged from Purgatory but couldn’t see his reflection, which meant four more weeks of evil.

In tonight’s new episode, “Spellcaster”, another Purgatory fugitive teaches us a new kind of magic; Crane goes house-hunting and works on his trash-talk; Irving’s problems make strange bedfellows; Katrina’s witch powers work for a while; and we finally catch up with Henry Parish — slayer of Moloch, a Horseman no more, still a diorama maker extraordinaire.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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The Super Bowl XLIX Movie Spot Roundup

Tomorrowland!

George Clooney and director Brad Bird welcome you to the World of Tomorrow!

Longtime MCC readers know sports aren’t really my thing, and Super Bowl XLIX is no exception. My wife and I spent the evening dining out, trying new foods, and wandering a deserted downtown Indianapolis to our heart’s content with virtually no other humans around. And then I came home and waited patiently for the internet to tell me which new movie spots I missed.

Please join me in sampling the following summer action blockbuster EXPLOSIONS-filled mini-teaser trailers that apparently aired during the Big Game. Leaving out Seth MacFarlane’s Ted 2 (bleah) and the one infamous gargantuan big-budget slashfic adaptation (zero intention of watching a single trailer for it, let alone the movie), the internet notified me of six different contenders that may or may not make zillions this year at the box office:

Right this way for potential movie awesomeness! Plus a very special party-ruining appearance by the Nationwide Kid!

2014 Oscar-Nominated Animated Shorts: From Best to Not-Best

Feast!

Each year since 2009 my wife and I have made a day-long date of visiting Keystone Art Cinema, the only dedicated art-film theater in Indianapolis, to view the big-screen release of the Academy Award nominees for Best Live-Action Short Film and Best Animated Short Film. Results vary each time and aren’t always for all audiences, but we appreciate this opportunity to sample such works and see what the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences deemed worthy of celebrating, whether we agree with their collective opinions or not.

Presented below are my rankings of this year’s five Animated Short Film nominees, from the greatest to the most head-scratching. It’s my understanding all five nominated animated shorts can be viewed on iTunes, Amazon Instant Video, and other similar sources. Links are provided for official sites or the next relevant thing available. Enjoy!

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2014 Road Trip Photos #14: Sitting Here on Capitol Hill

Lindbergh and Flowers!

Staying in a hotel two blocks away from the Minnesota State Capitol made the first half of Day Four easy to plan. We got up, had breakfast, walked across the street, and did tourism. Charles Lindbergh peeking at us over a radiant flowerbed was just the start of our half-day walking tour of St. Paul.

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“The Imitation Game”: Welcome to the Liars’ Club

The Imitation Game!

“This morning’s message simply says, ‘Eight nominations. Love you guys. Take THAT, Selma. XOXOXO Harvey’.”

World War II dramas win awards. Biopics win awards. Unhappy endings win awards. Films released by the Weinstein Company win awards. Films with Benedict Cumberbatch in them get nominations, and maybe the occasional award for the people around him. For now. So why not toss all those ingredients into a moviemaking mixer and watch the resulting casserole win the big awards bake-off?

Thus did my annual Oscarquest continue with The Imitation Game, in which The Cumberbatch takes a break from playing licensed characters to try out a historical figure instead, as he did in The Fifth Estate except farther from the present and without changing hair color this time. If this pays off and kicks off a lifetime of nonstop peer recognition, maybe someday he’ll have half as many nominations as Meryl Streep does. The internet can dream!

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“Sleepy Hollow” 1/26/2015: Haul Out the Hawley

Ford Presents Sleepy Hollow!

Ford’s Theatre presents Sleepy Hollow! Brought to you by Ford, who are slightly less than half Ichabod Crane’s age!

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Ichabod and Katrina Crane tried rekindling their marriage by taking on a homicidal painting; Buffy’s sister Dawn got to wear an old-timey dress; and Captain Frank Irving rose from the dead and back into policy custody.

In tonight’s new episode, “Kali Yuga”: a woman from Hawley’s past convinces him to go on one last heist Or Else; Abbie teaches Crane the joys and the jeopardy of karaoke; Irving has a terrific day, mostly; and the Ford Motor Company lets You, the Viewers at Home, peek inside the all-new Ford Mustang, examine its spacious interiors, gaze upon its 21st-century Broadway-lit dashboard, and marvel at driving the perfect amount of horsepower to run down a Horseman. And the 2015 Mustang, like Crane himself, is BUILT FORD TOUGH. Brought to you by Ford.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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Technically Easy Ceiling Repair for Hopeless Amateurs

Say! You, there!

Has this ever happened to you?

Ceiling Hole!

You’re at home trying to live or rest or hobby or whatever other normal things you do when you’re not working, unless you work from home and every day is an existential struggle over the Duality of Man, and then suddenly one day you realize you have a hole in your ceiling. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you’re present in the room when the hole is punched and you know exactly what to blame and how to swear vengeance properly. Most of the time, it’s a gradual process that may or may not have begun with a water stain that turned malignant. Still other times, you’d swear that hole wasn’t there when you left for work that morning, but now there’s a surprise ceiling hole and an innocent-looking family holding a football with everyone’s fingerprints on it. Whatever the cause, no two ceiling holes are the same, but the heartbreak is universal.

If you’re a renter, ceiling hole repair is as easy as 1-2-3:

1. Call landlord.
2. Complain about hole.
3. Watch your stories till hole is gone.

If you’re a homeowner with a home-improvement skill set, it’s not so simple, but you’ve probably got it covered. If you’re a homeowner without a clue like me, it’s a conscientious burden, it’s a drain on your heating bills, it’s an eyesore that has to be hidden from guests, and it might as well be a geotechnical engineering project for all you know. What do you do?

There’s the highway (i.e., abandon the house)…or my way.

Here’s what I did in too many embarrassing steps!

2014 Road Trip Photos #13: Parks & Ruination

Mill Ruins Park!

No, this image is not an exclusive sneak peek at the surely jaw-dropping graphics from the upcoming Uncharted 4. Along the west bank of the Mississippi River in downtown Minneapolis, Mill Ruins Park is a quiet, disfigured little spot where foliage meets wreckage.

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Best CDs of 2014, According to an Old Guy Who Bought Ten

Sonic Highways!

The Foo Fighters’ Sonic Highways was far from my favorite album, but its eight-city metropolitan hodgepodge was definitely my favorite album cover.

It’s that time of year again! Even though my musical tastes don’t match anyone geographically near me, aren’t becoming any more stylish as I age, sometimes don’t fit well with my faith, and are increasingly leaning toward a uniform power-pop pageant, I do still like owning physical albums with all-new songs recorded and sequenced by the artists. I prefer CDs while driving because I can pop them in and out of the player with sufficient dexterity and without crashing, because local commercial radio enjoys being terrible, and because, last time I checked, the pre-installed satellite radio won’t accept monthly payments. And any digital music I accumulate tends to sit on my hard drive ignored and/or forgotten

(For more about that segment, I refer you to my thoughts on U2’s free Songs of Innocence, as previously discussed.)

The following list, then, comprises every CD I acquired in 2014 that was also released in 2014. Back-catalog materials are forbidden from inclusion, though for what it’s worth Mike Doughty’s 2011 album Yes and Also Yes deserved to be bought much sooner.

Right this way for lots of, well, white-guy rock!

Top 10 Best Parts of Tonight’s State of the Union Address

SOTU 2015!

President Barack Obama delivered tonight’s State of the Union address with a cartoon angel and devil at either shoulder.

From the Home Office in Indianapolis, Indiana:

10. Biden blinking in Morse code “BIDEN/BEYONCE 2016”
9. One lone applauding Republican getting tased by the Senator next to him
8. A frustrated John Boehner wishing his bottled rage could turn him into Red Hulk
7. Ambassadors from Iran and Cuba giving each other cutesy quizzical Jim-and-Pam looks
6. Three-minute ovation every time Obama took a selfie
5. Special guest Sidney Poitier awarding nine honorary Oscars to Selma
4. Anointing of Anita Sarkeesian as head of newly formed Department of Gamer Tolerance
3. Preview footage from The Force Awakens in which Jedi Knight Obama and John Boyega fight Imperial ninjatroopers
2. Sheepish apology for preempting Marvel’s Agent Carter

And the number one Best Part of Tonight’s State of the Union Address:

1. Scene after the end credits: all-Democrat conga line while speakers blare “Everything is Awesome!!!”

“Sleepy Hollow” 1/19/2015: The Art is a Lonely Hunter

James Colby!

Portrait of the artist who’s out to get you.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: an angel came to Sleepy Hollow, not with glad tidings from the Lord, but with a wish for the power of Death. So then that didn’t come to pass and we may or may not see the angel Orion again, because Fox execs recently revealed they’re actively tinkering with the show, taking a break from the ongoing apocalypse storyline for a while in favor of more done-in-one monster-of-the-week episodes, like what we used to see on Fringe or Smallville. If they keep focusing on evil-artifacts-of-the-week plots, I’d also toss in the long-forgotten Friday the 13th syndicated series, since that was the show’s exact premise.

In tonight’s new episode, “Pittura Infamante”: Ichabod and Katrina go on their first date since her return from Purgatory; Captain Irving’s return raises questions; special guest Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy’s sister Dawn) appears in flashbacks as second First Lady Abigail Adams; and the Monster of the Week is a work of art best described as…cutting-edge! (Cue Crypt-Keeper laugh.)

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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2014 Road Trip Photos #12: Urban Serenity Along the Mississippi

St Anthony Falls!

St Anthony Falls, on the Mississippi River in north Minneapolis.

So far on Day Three of our road trip, we’d spent the early morning at the Mall of America and the early afternoon touring the stabilized ruins of a twice-gutted flour mill. For the late afternoon, we took a different direction and headed outdoors for a walk along the banks of the Mississippi River. Behind and around the Mill City Museum lies some refreshing spots of natural scenery and a chance for rather welcome serenity.

Gold Medal Park!

The singular hill in the center of Gold Medal Park, a couple blocks down from the Mill City Museum.

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The 87th Oscars Nominations: Initial Random Thoughts and Lists

Selma!

The long march from Selma to the Dolby Theatre was stopped cold in its tracks by a fabulous year in white cinema.

The Academy Award nominations are in! But you already knew that. Like 99% of America, you likely haven’t seen too many of the nominees yet. The complete list is available in myriad locations (here’s the example I’ve been using for reference), so I don’t see a point in wasting time or space copying, pasting, and reformatting all that off someone else’s site. The nice thing about running my own site is I have no high-pressure word-count quotas to meet.

I’ve seen and written about three of the nominees so far — Birdman, Boyhood, and Selma — all of which I super-liked, all of which I wish could win all the prizes, one of which was dealt a far crappier hand than the other two by the elderly white voting majority of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences. Perhaps Selma‘s most egregious error was in failing to better balance the dual celebrations of black and white nobility like The Help did. Who can say.

The following lists and other thoughts popped into my head throughout the day while I mulled over this year’s honorees:

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“Selma”: For Your Voting Consideration

Selma!

Show of hands: who wants to read what another middle-class white guy thinks about Selma?

So much glowing praise has been written by countless others that I’m not sure my voice needs to count as anything other than a vote for “Yes, you should go see it now,” and this is apropos because voting was one of the key issues at stake in the famous historical event it covers. And what a simple pleasure it is to side with the professional viewing majority who’ve given it a landslide 99% rating on the Tomatometer, nicked slightly by thumbs-down from two white critics over 60.

It took forty-six years for Hollywood to produce the very first theatrical film about the great Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Its predecessors are a few documentaries; an infamous X-rated film that shouldn’t count; two TV-movies, including the Peabody Award-winning Boycott, which sounds very interesting to me right now; and an Emmy-nominated animated time-travel adventure. Thanks to director Ava DuVernay (who previously appeared in last year’s Roger Ebert documentary Life Itself), the MLK film bibliography looks a lot stronger now.

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Former Kickstarter Junkie IV: Here, YOU Save Spaceflight

Fight for Space!

Moviemaking is like spaceflight. Dream big. Aim high. Don’t look down. Curse the budget issues.

Paul Hildebrandt needs your help. For over two years the director and his crew have been conducting dozens of interviews, sifting through countless hours of archival footage, knocking at closed D.C. backrooms, stumping for truth, analyzing the facts, looking for root causes, and working hard to bring you Fight for Space, an ambitious documentary about the sorry state of America’s position in the international space race, where things went wrong, why they’re still off track today, and what barriers still stand between humanity and our return to the stars.

I previously wrote about Hildebrandt’s project in July 2012 when I signed on as a backer to his official Kickstarter campaign. His quest succeeded and exceeded his formidable funding goal of $65,000.00, with pledges totaling over $105,000.00. For the next year-plus, Hildebrandt pursued more interviews, hit roadblocks in several areas (including any and all inquiries into Elon Musk’s SpaceX program, which availed him naught), wrapped filming, began post-production, and updated us once every few months when properly badgered.

Then the money ran out. Hildebrandt was taken aback and humbled by the process, but he means to finish what he started. To that end, he’s just launched a second Kickstarter campaign to raise more funds so he can afford to complete his work as he envisions it.

Hildebrandt needs your help, and so do I. You can make a difference and help this important project finish happening, in hopes that it could shed new light on a touchy subject and change minds nationwide. Also, if there aren’t enough backers in this second round of donations, I’m guessing the whole thing collapses and I’ll never see the rewards I’m still owed from his first Kickstarter campaign. I was kind of hoping to have those in hand before I die.

Hi. My name is Randy. It’s been 25 months since I last gave a single dime to a Kickstarter project…

2014 Road Trip Photos #11: The Flour That Blooms in Adversity

Giant Pancakes!

Someone needs to teach schoolkids the importance of flour to everyday American life. If parents won’t do it, the Mill City Museum will. Pictured above: giant educational pancakes.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year from 2003 to 2013 my wife, my son, and your humble writer headed out on a long road trip to anywhere but here. Our 2014 road trip represented a milestone of sorts: our first vacation in over a decade without my son tagging along for the ride. At my wife’s prodding, I examined our vacation options and decided we ought to make this year a milestone in another way — our first sequel vacation. This year’s objective, then: a return to Wisconsin and Minnesota. In my mind, our 2006 road trip was a good start, but in some ways a surface-skimming of what each state has to offer. I wanted a do-over.

After we finished our business at the Mall of America, our Day Three proceeded from the south end of the Twin Cities to Minneapolis’ north side, where we discovered something completely different.

One of the advantages of traveling without children is that you can stop at historical attractions that they’d never agree to, that would make them think you’ve lost your mind and all your accumulated cool points. If you’d like, you can even check out places that other adults would never dream of investigating because they’re too busy looking for vacation destinations where they can drink or hike or tan or drink or relax or meditate or drink. It takes a special kind of couple to look at each other and think, “Let’s go see the ruins of a flour factory!”

The Mill City Museum is that kind of place, and we are that couple.

And now, a brief history lesson for all the bread geeks out there!

My 2014 at the Movies, Part 2 of 2: the Year’s Least Worst

Interstellar!

“…so then I said to the bull, ‘Take the long way, huh? Thank you, Cyrus.’ So I turned my Mercury around and just kept going and going and…next thing you know, here I am.”

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Once again January is National List Month, that left-brained time of year when everyone’s last twelve months of existence must be removed from their mental filing cabinets, reexamined, and refiled in specific pecking order from Greatest to Most Grating. The final tabulations reveal I saw 19 films in theaters in 2014 and four via On Demand while they were still in limited release…

And now, on with the countdown:

Right this way for the Year’s Best Films according to some guy!

My 2014 at the Movies, Part 1 of 2: the Year’s Least Best

Horns!

Harry was pretty sure he’d gone terribly wrong somewhere on his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework.

Once again January is National List Month, that left-brained time of year when everyone’s last twelve months of existence must be removed from their mental filing cabinets, reexamined, and refiled in specific pecking order from Greatest to Most Grating. Here on Midlife Crisis Crossover, we enjoy our annual tradition of spending at least two posts looking back at our year in movies, trying to remember what we thought about them at the time and ultimately deciding which films can beat up which other films. When I reach that realization that my opinions sometimes change over time upon further reflection or second viewings, that’s when the process turns messy and I end up hating my own list. But internet bylaws insist it must be done. And I like lists more than I like internet bylaws.

The final tabulations reveal I saw 19 films in theaters in 2014 (tying with 2007 and 2010 as worst moviegoing years ever) and four via On Demand while they were still in limited release. This count doesn’t include seven 2013 films I attended in 2014 for Oscar-chasing purposes, or any films I watched on home video long after their theatrical run. As one sad example, this harsh rule of mine disqualifies Boyhood from the list since I just watched it via Redbox rental two nights ago. If I’d gotten out of the house for a three-hour theater visit just one more time last summer, it would’ve made my Top 3. Consider this paragraph my version of a Very Honorable Mention.

Links to past reviews and thoughts are provided for historical reference. On with the reverse countdown, then:

Right this way for the weakest of the herd!

“Boyhood”: a Living, Breathing, Three-Dimensional Scrapbook

Boyhood!

“Dad, the magical all-seeing crystal says to watch out for something called ‘the Purge’. Does that mean anything to you?”

The Oscars are coming! As longtime MCC followers should know, I’m one of those guys who makes a habit of seeing all the Best Picture nominees every year for fun and entertainment and amateur prognostication purposes. It’s been my thing since 1997 and there hasn’t been a nominee repugnant enough to ruin the ritual for me yet. I had a couple of close calls full of regret, to be sure, but so far I’ve not backed down.

With the official nominations announcement coming next Thursday morning, January 15th, I decided getting a head start on my marathon might not be a bad idea, especially if we end up with nine or ten films on the docket. By a stroke of luck and/or shrewd marketing calculations, this week saw the home-video release of one of the likeliest nominees, Richard Linklater’s Boyhood. Even if it somehow misses the shortlist because of a crowded field or ballet-box stuffing or whatever, no harm done here — I’d been wanting to see this one anyway. If I bothered with an arbitrary rating system, I’d give Boyhood seven out of five stars, an A-super-plus, a two-minute standing ovation, and the loveliest fruit basket I can afford.

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“Sleepy Hollow” 1/5/2015: Reaping Angels

The Angel Orion!

Our Heroes should’ve known something was wrong as soon as they saw the angel holding a halo over his own head. Truly good angels buy the pricey, floaty kind of halo.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: One hero fought valiantly but died; one villain died harder when another villain turned betrayer at the last minute; still another villain found himself in chains; and our man Ichabod Crane rode his first motorcycle, possibly not his last.

In tonight’s new episode, “Paradise Lost”: new villains succeed the old; a new outcast offers his services for a price; one old villain seeks redemption; and Katrina Crane gives everyone new reasons to gnash their teeth and rend their garments every time she talks.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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