“Sleepy Hollow” 1/26/2015: Haul Out the Hawley

Ford Presents Sleepy Hollow!

Ford’s Theatre presents Sleepy Hollow! Brought to you by Ford, who are slightly less than half Ichabod Crane’s age!

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Ichabod and Katrina Crane tried rekindling their marriage by taking on a homicidal painting; Buffy’s sister Dawn got to wear an old-timey dress; and Captain Frank Irving rose from the dead and back into policy custody.

In tonight’s new episode, “Kali Yuga”: a woman from Hawley’s past convinces him to go on one last heist Or Else; Abbie teaches Crane the joys and the jeopardy of karaoke; Irving has a terrific day, mostly; and the Ford Motor Company lets You, the Viewers at Home, peek inside the all-new Ford Mustang, examine its spacious interiors, gaze upon its 21st-century Broadway-lit dashboard, and marvel at driving the perfect amount of horsepower to run down a Horseman. And the 2015 Mustang, like Crane himself, is BUILT FORD TOUGH. Brought to you by Ford.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

…Once upon a time, the parents of a twelve-year-old Nick Hawley (Matt Barr returns!) died under mysterious circumstances and left their son in the care of his godmother: Carmilla Pines, tomb raider (Jaime Murray from Syfy’s Defiance). Years later he would go his own way, but life would take a dark turn for Carmilla when a run-in with a Temple of Doom Thuggee cult left her transformed into the creature known as a vetala — basically a Hindu super-speed vampire with more pointy teeth, deadly manicured fingernails like 95% of all female monsters, and Alien acid-blood. After years of hiding in the shadows, she’s come to Sleepy Hollow with her sights set on a new treasure item: a Bajrayogini Temple statue of the goddess Kali, which she claims can restore her humanity so she and Hawley can be friends again and go back to ark-raiding as a godmother/godson team, just like the good ol’ goddays.

Hawley’s in. He owes her for rescuing his childhood from the clutch of orphanages. First stop: Our Heroes’ underground archives to borrow some tools. Hawley forgot to ask permission first and trips the silent alarms she recently installed without telling anyone she knows until just now. Crane’s a little annoyed at being out of the loop and at this interruption of his proud nightclub a cappella rendition of that snappy dance-floor single, “The Young Sailor Cut Down in His Prime“. It wasn’t his first choice, but he couldn’t find anything in the karaoke playlist by the so-called “Catch Club”.

(To read more about this pre-Revolutionary musical phenomenon, be sure to check out the dusty sub-basement shelves of your local library or spend a couple hours perusing this 120-page PDF I found on the subject. Let me know if you learn anything fascinating.)

Ichabod Crane!

“For my next number, I shall perform the entire Paul Revere and the Raiders catalog…”

Crane, Abbie, and sister Jenny convene on the scene, confront Hawley, and find themselves useless against Carmilla, who flees at Mach 1 because she’s already bored with them. Stop #2: the pawn shop of the broker Patrick McKenna (Randall P. Havens) who tricked Hawley into meeting Carmilla using a fake cover story about some really cool Edo-period shuriken. Meanwhile, the Cranes do more research, Ichabod tries to explain the good witch Mary Poppins to Katrina, and he frowns when he discovers the angel Orion’s magic ring of summoning that he gave to Abbie a few weeks ago, which she in turn forgot to mention. This bugs Crane.

Abbie, Crane, and Jenny reunite (leaving Katrina behind since her witch powers would be too useful against a magical enemy) and, to get to the next scene, steal a ride in Hawley’s car, a 2015 Ford Mustang. If you haven’t test-driven one of these modern American classics, you’re probably missing a real treat. The Ford Mustang has seats, windows, and a roof, and it goes really fast and makes loud VROOOOOM noises while Crane keeps the pedal to the floor, just like any real American driver should. Remember, folks: just like at Sleepy Hollow police headquarters, at Ford, quality is Job One!

Everyone’s next stop: the mansion of town jillionaire Theodore Knox (Treme‘s Ron Roggé), of the famous Fort Knoxes and card-carrying legacy member of those puzzle-loving Sons of Liberty. The Kali statue is in his vault full of MacGuffins, the door to which can only be opened using a series of levers and tumblers on a wall behind a framed U.S. flag. This National Treasure deleted scene takes Hawley all of twenty seconds to hack. Our Heroes burst in, get suckered, and Hawley leaves with Carmila, the statue, and Jenny’s cell phone, while Abbie and Crane are locked in the vault. Their only way out seems to involve a series of buttons with alchemical symbols on them, because why not make the inside of your impregnable vault a trivia quiz, too?

The duo use the tense time alone to realize they’ve been failing at communicating over the past few episodes, agree that their team is too important to let drift apart, and fail to realize most of their problems would go away if something were to happen to Katrina. Once the Ichabbie ‘shippers have given the thumbs-up, then they try escaping. Pushing the “iron” button summons more iron in the form of crushing deathtrap spikes. Pushing the “gold” button, obviously the favorite button of all the Knox boys, brings them sweet release. Meanwhile, Knox is aware of absolutely none of these scenes, not even the one where Hawley activates the Da Vinci Code release with the 110-decibel grinding gears, because he’s busy tending to his super awesome belly-dancing party and apparently didn’t set up any alarms in his vault, not even so much as a burglar-alert phone app. So we get exactly zero scenes of Knox and several frowning security guards getting clobbered by Abbie and Crane, or by Hawley and Jenny, or by Carmilla and special effects.

Meanwhile, Abbie and Crane think through their mental images of the Kali statue’s positioning for possible clues. Abbie thinks aloud in yoga-speak that two of Kali’s mudras were in the Prithvi and Tarjani positions (meaning something like “blood destruction”), while two of her other four hands were holding a torch and an iron stone. All of this is easy for her to decode: Carmills is tricking Hawley and plans to use the Kali statue to transform her into another vetala like him, but her weaknesses include fire and iron. Crane, struggling to keep up, confirms he quit yoga classes.

But once again, Abbie’s right about everything as they trace Jenny’s phone to someplace with a giant furnace. Crane sets his crossbow bolts aflame and takes out Carmilla’s two vetala minions with a struggle. Carmilla is performing the ritual while holding the Kali statue, which is now weeping blood and doing its creepy impression of a dancing Groot. But the day is saved, and the betrayed Hawley is the one who gets to express his contempt for his godmother by backstabbing her with a crowbar. She takes the hint and flees again. Hawley later resolves to take a break from the show and from his they-used-to-but-will-they-or-won’t-they-again relationship with Jenny so he can go vetala-hunting. Meanwhile, Abbie and Crane celebrate their return-to-form via karaoke duet on “Proud Mary”, on which Tom Mison does a weird impression of the guy from Crash Test Dummies.

In this week’s B-story: Cynthia Irving agrees to defend her poor, resurrected husband at his murder trial despite infinite conflicts of interest, but it doesn’t matter because the state has dropped all charges on account of boredom or whatever. And yet, Cynthia’s afraid to let her guard down, because what if Frank really is surprise evil? So he consults Katrina because she has more free time than anyone else this week. Katrina’s witch magic, assuming it’s working for a change, can detect no traces whatsoever of her missing son’s demonic claim on Frank’s soul. Far as she can tell, there’s no more War bond. Captain Frank Irving is a free man, and now he can go back to being one of the show’s cooler characters and maybe toss grumpy Captain Reyes out of police HQ, or at least show her how to get down with her bad self.

Minor hitch: while hugging his wife in joy and splendor, Frank notices he casts no reflection. So shaving might be a challenge, among other future things.

To be continued! Next week: possibly more Forderiffic goodness from the frolicsome factories of the fantabulous Ford Motor Company, makers of the Ford Mustang, the Ford Fusion, the Ford Taurus, the Ford Fairlane, the Ford Prefect, Ford sandwiches, Ford souffles, Ford casseroles, Ford-fried mushrooms, Ford kale salad, shrimp and Ford, Ford Ford Ford Ford FORD. Sponsored by the Sleepy Hollow Ford Council.

Ichabod Ford!

“Sometimes you gotta go back to actually move forward. And I don’t mean going back to reminisce or chase ghosts. I mean go back to see where you came from…”

* * * * *

If you missed any previous episodes of Sleepy Hollow, you can see what’s available online at Fox’s official site, or check out MCC’s own ongoing recaps. Visit our season-one recap checklist, or this season’s recaps linked below for handy reference. Enjoy!

9/22/2014: “This is War
9/29/2014: “The Kindred
10/6/2014: “Root of All Evil
10/13/2014 “Go Where I Send Thee…
10/20/2014: “The Weeping Lady
10/27/2014: “And the Abyss Gazes Back
11/3/2014: “Deliverance
11/10/2014: “Heartless
11/17/2014: “Mama
11/24/2014: “Magnum Opus
12/1/2014: “The Akeda
1/5/2015: “Paradise Lost
1/19/2015: “Pittura Infamante

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