My October Symphony of Treats

Salted Caramel Pizookie!

Best of show: the Salted Caramel Pizookie at BJ’s Restaurant and Brewery in Avon, Indiana — an oven-baked caramel cookie as big as a Personal Pan Pizza, filled with almond toffee, pretzel bites, and both white and dark chocolate chips. Because that’s obviously not enough, on top is vanilla-bean ice cream, caramel sauce, and more dark chocolate chips. Just looking at this photo counts as 500 calories. Sorry, dieters.

October has been a delicious month for us, and not because of those tiny prepackaged candies that Big Chocolate wants us all to worship. In that spirit, today we present a montage of five happy treats that provided me much-needed happy-time boosts through a month of unprecedented busyness. Enjoy!

Right this way for four more reasons why I’m not a size Medium!

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/29/2015: The Deadcoats are Coming! The Deadcoats are Coming!

Sleepy Hollow Meets Bones!

Agent. Agent. Doctor. “Curator”.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Our Heroes fought a creepy, bendy Tooth Fairy; Pandora was mean to little girls; and Ichabod Crane traded hundreds of texts goofy emoji with his new friend Zoe Corinth.

On tonight’s new episode, “Dead Men Tell No Tales”: it’s a very special crossover with Bones! The venerable Fox procedural drama, now in its thirty-seventh season, has been gracious enough to share Thursdays with Sleepy Hollow this season, and since both series feature FBI agents and fish-out-of-water geniuses partnering to fight crime, someone up high decided both series should go on a two-hour double-date based on their matching profile results from TVMingle.com. One focuses on forensic analysis and cutting-edge science and the world’s weirdest desiccated corpses; the other has sinister artifacts and killer demons and a 250-year-old spy. Obviously these two kooky shows are ready for their Vegas wedding.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

…

Continue reading

“The Martian”: My Own Planet Idaho

Martian Potatoes!

1000 potato, 2000 potato, 3000 potato, 4! Here a potato, there a potato! Potatoes, potatoes galore!

My son and I went to see The Martian two weekends ago, partly because we were both interested and partly to make up for how we “celebrated” his 21st birthday back in August by seeing Fantastic Four. I felt I owed him a do-over (and then some), and I’m glad Ridley Scott’s uplifting vision of Matt Damon, interstellar potato engineer, more than compensated for our last cinema visit.

America’s #1 film for four straight weeks doesn’t need any input from me, but one of Midlife Crisis Crossover’s myriad uses for me is to catalog my movie-going experiences. If I saw it in theaters, it gets an entry sooner or later. And thus it is written.

Alternate titles for this entry include:

“Red Planet, Green Thumb”
“The Astronaut Farmer”
“The Distant Gardener”
“Spuds Mechanics”
“The Tuber Whisperer”
“Old MacGyver Had a Farm”
“Mars Needs Ketchup”
“The Low-G All-Carb Diet”
“Taters Gonna Tate”
“Healthy, Wealthy and Fries”

Continue reading

2015 Road Trip Photos #24: New Orleans State of Mind

Katrina Memorial!

This “Scrap House” sculpture is a Hurricane Katrina memorial perched across the street from the Ernest N. Morial Convention Center. One of several surprise finds along our long, dehydrating path.

Over the last several entries in this series we’ve shared large batches of photos and memories from our visits to the National WWII Museum and to Mardi Gras World, but those two locations weren’t the only points of interest we saw on Day Three of our trip. For this episode we backtrack to recapture some of those random bits that made their own impacts on our overall New Orleans experience.

Right this way for a sort of New Orleans potpourri gallery!

Art ‘n’ Taters in Terre Haute

Texan!

A baked potato called the Texan, containing steak, bacon, onion rings, jalapenos, cheddar cheese, and barbecue sauce. I’m not the kind of guy to call a baked potato a full meal, but maybe I would if all other baked potatoes were made industrial-strength like this.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: for my wife’s birthday we spent a Saturday walking around Terre Haute, Indiana. In Part One of this trilogy we met an Auschwitz survivor whose sheer force of will shames us both; in Part Two we visited the Clabber Girl Museum and Bake Shop, learned still more about World War II, and had snacks.

Here in Part Three: other sights, sculptures, and shops we saw around town on this fair October day, including poetry, pink ribbons, surprise comics, and her birthday lunch of choice.

Right this way for the conclusion of another birthday road-trip miniseries!

2015 Road Trip Photos #23: Southern Cooking Showdown, Round 2

Redfish Beignets!

Redfish beignets at the Royal House in New Orleans.

Day Three of our seven-day road trip was our first full day in the city of New Orleans. We already covered our musical breakfast at Cafe Beignet. As noted previously, “Going into this year’s vacation, we hoped the cuisine would be a highlight at our various stops — be it good ol’ Southern kitchen cookin’, Gulf-sourced fresh seafood, or, really, anything outside of international franchisees.” In that vein, lunch and dinner each had their own approach.

Right this way for another foodie episode, but without using the word “foodie”!

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/22/2015: Better Living Through Dentistry

Sleepy Hollow!

“Little girl, by my count this American coin contains no less than six different lies. How many can YOU discern?”

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: We learned the absolutely true story of the eternal Jack the Ripper; our man Crane boldly decided to become a legal immigrant; Jenny Mills caught yet another competitive relic hunter stepping on her turf; and “fan favorite” Joe Corbin was, y’know, there.

On tonight’s new episode, “The Sisters Mills”: the season’s best outing so far sees Abbie and Jenny comparing notes over family matters, Crane and Zoe Corinth trading designer emoji, and we’re told Everything You Know About the Tooth Fairy Is WRONG. Tonight is brought to you by guest director Guillermo Navarro, best known as the cinematographer on most of Guillermo del Toro’s films, having won an Academy Award for his memorable work on Pan’s Labyrinth, and helmed half a dozen episodes of NBC’s Hannibal. As you’d expect, this week’s monster looks fabulously disturbing.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

…

Continue reading

The Only “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” Shot-by-Shot Trailer Analysis You’ll Need

The Force Awakens!

John Boyega. Daisy Ridley. STAR WARS. Canon. Cope.

In the past 24 hours eight hundred million other internet users have posted their thoughts on the all-new Official Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer that premiered Monday night during ESPN’s Monday Night Football and was released online seconds later for those of us who don’t do sports. Hardcore fans have devoted every hour since then freezing every frame, enhancing every pixel, scrutinizing every living being or moving object, collating the data, and sharing results in hopes of extrapolating the plots of the next six Star Wars films, or at least guessing which toys they’ll buy next.

Now…it’s my turn.

Right this way for the greatest film study that matters only to me ever!

2015 Road Trip Photos #22: Everything Floats Down Here

Spongebob Squarepants!

Spongebob Squarepants! Spongebob Squarepants! Spongebob Squarepants! Spongey-boooooob Squarepaaaaaaants!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: my wife and I visited Mardi Gras World, a giant-sized warehouse-shaped museum in New Orleans in which floats are constructed, painted, stored, disassembled, reassembled, repainted, reconfigured, and displayed for guests who want to take a long walk through local party-time history.

As promised last time, here’s a sampling of the many heads, bodies, persons, places, and things on display that have entertained generations and enthralled the sober and the drunken alike.

Right this way for famous big heads from Marvel, Star Wars, history, and more!

2015 Road Trip Photos #21: Mardi Gras in July

Mardi Gras Chef!

When it’s Mardi Gras, even the gator and the lobster set aside their differences and party all night together in the same gumbo pot. Meanwhile in the shadows, Burger King bides his time and plots his next sinister move.

When people ’round our parts think “New Orleans”, once they get past the memories of Hurricane Katrina, the next thing that pops into their head is Mardi Gras. Other cities and countries may honor the grand finale of every annual “Carnival” multi-part holiday, but the way it’s talked about, you’d think “Mardi Gras” was French for “New Orleans party”. For all I know, maybe it is.

Anne and I don’t drink, party, observe Carnival, or socialize while our clothes are missing, but we thought it wouldn’t hurt to look into the prettier, safer element of those shindigs: the famous parades and their scintillating floats. So that’s what lured us to Blaine Kern’s Mardi Gras World.

Right this way for an introduction to floating!

Ordinary Groceries, Extraordinary Cause

COOKIES!

Sorry, folks. None of these are for you. If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t have any, either.

Right this way for a mini-sequel to an event from last year!

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/15/2015: Yours Truly, Nelson the Ripper

Sleepy Hollow Ripper!

How the killer sees himself…

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Our Heroes fought a stabby shadow that preyed on evil accountants with dark secrets; sister Jenny showed off her martial arts training against a rival relic hunter, but he got what he came for; Joe Corbin, son of Sheriff, showed up; and the showrunners tried to break the primetime record for most love triangles in a single show with less than six main cast members.

In tonight’s new episode, “Blood and Fear”: Ichabod Crane versus his old foe, Jack the Ripper! Well, technically. Their lives were lived a century apart, but nothing solves a seeming anachronism like a magical MacGuffin. And for those following along with the show in their Sleepy Hollow Vocabulary Workbooks, tonight’s secret word was “exsanguination”. Remember: for the rest of the week, whenever anyone says the secret word, scream real loud!

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

…

Continue reading

I’m a Clabber Girl in a Clabber World

Donuts for Dimes!

Sorry, folks: these dime donuts are for historical display purposes only.

For the last several years, my wife Anne and I have spent our respective birthdays together finding some new place or attraction to visit as a one-day road trip — partly as an excuse to spend time together on this most wondrous day, partly to explore areas of Indiana we’ve never experienced before. My 2015 birthday destination of choice was the city of Fort Wayne, two hours north of home. Her 2015 choice last Saturday was Terre Haute, an hour west of here. In Part 1 of this three-part miniseries, you saw our final stop of the day, the CANDLES Holocaust Museum and Education Center, which absolutely made her day.

Our first stop of the day was something completely different: the Clabber Girl Museum and Bake Shop. The longtime purveyors of baking powder, baking soda, cornstarch, and other products under assorted brand names have their factory and corporate HQ in downtown Terre Haute. We happen to be fans of baked goods, and this wouldn’t be our first trip to a museum about baking ingredients (cf. the Mill City Museum in Minneapolis). It didn’t hurt that the museum is free.

Right this way for the grand Clabber Tour!

2015 Road Trip #20: “Beyond All Boundaries”

Beyond All Boundaries!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: our road trip to New Orleans continued as my wife and I spent much of Day 3 touring the National WWII Museum. Not every activity they offer involves artifacts or invites photography. For a few dollars more, guests can visit the Solomon Victory Theater and catch an exclusive viewing of Beyond All Boundaries, a 48-minute “4-D” experience designed to be thoroughly incompatible with home video.

Right this way for a special MCC summer-vacation movie review!

An Afternoon with the Woman Who Forgave Josef Mengele

Eva Mozes Kor.

This past Saturday afternoon my wife Anne and I paid a visit to the CANDLES Holocaust Museum and Education Center in Terre Haute, located a mere hour west of Indianapolis and a mile down the road from Indiana State University. The Museum’s Founding Director, pictured above, is Eva Mozes Kor. You might have seen her in such films as the 2006 documentary Forgiving Dr. Mengele or in the occasional special about the Holocaust. Eva survived the horrors of Auschwitz as a preteen and, today at age 81, lives to share the tale of her extraordinary life with new generations.

We knew the museum told her story and exemplified the principles that helped her transition from victim to survivor over the decades. We didn’t expect her to actually be there in person.

Continue reading

2015 Road Trip Photos #19: War Wings

B25 Mitchell!

The B25 Mitchell is the kind of bomber used in the 1942 Doolittle Raid, as seen near the conclusion of Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor and probably some other, better films.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: our road trip to New Orleans continued as my wife and I spent much of Day 3 touring the National WWII Museum. Of all the buildings in the complex, the tallest was the most fascinating and contained the largest objects of all: half a dozen military airplanes suspended in midair.

(See that yellow-and-orange dot in the faraway window that kinda looks like a Ms. Pac-Man fruit? That’s my lovely wife.)

Right this way for the conclusion of a four-part photo-gallery miniseries!

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/8/2015: The Greatest Spectacle in Wraithing

Sleepy Hollow!

Can two appointed Witnesses share a house without driving each other crazy?

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Agent Abbie Mills has now followed Mulder and Scully into the ranks of the FBI; our man Ichabod Crane strongly believes the second Tribulation is nigh; sister Jenny was among the few to survive the great cast-pruning of 2015; Crane has flashbacks about his old colleague Betsy Ross, American Action Spy; and good ol’ Tarrytown welcomed a new Big Bad, the scheming Pandora. (No, not the music service.)

In tonight’s new episode, “Whispers in the Dark”: Abbie and Crane reveal some new secrets, the show adds a few replacement male characters, more tidbits are revealed from the nine-month time-jump, Crane throws himself into some intense household chores, and there’s a Dementor on the loose with an oddly specific serial-killing fetish.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

…

Continue reading

2015 Road Trip Photos #18: War Wheels

Tank!

A Sherman Tank! I first saw one of these in the forgotten James Garner film Tank, which played at the drive-in when I was a kid. This encounter was much better than that film.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: our road trip to New Orleans continued as my wife and I spent much of Day 3 touring the National WWII Museum — four super-sized buildings and one smaller, locked gallery used for restoration work. With all that square footage and so many high ceilings, the Museum has plenty of space to display the largest wartime souvenirs: the vehicles that men drove into combat.

Right this way for Part 3 of a photo-gallery miniseries!

2015 Road Trip Photos #17: War Ordnance

Guns.

Hi, we’re guns! You may remember us from such films as Every Men’s Adventure Film Ever, The Complete Chuck Norris Catalog, and Bowling for Columbine!

Considering recent headlines, maybe I picked the wrong week to share photos of guns. Or the perfect week, if you’re on the other side. Blame World War II for the wide selection here.

Right this way for Part 2 of a photo-gallery miniseries!

2015 Road Trip Photos #16: War Relics

War News.

The front page of a special Honolulu Star-Bulletin Extra published December 7, 1941, three hours after the attack on Pearl Harbor.

When I first suggested driving to New Orleans for this year’s road trip, my wife was hesitant because most online tourism resources summed up the general ambiance as HERE THERE BE MANIACS. No matter where you stay, how brightly the sun shines, how large your group is, or how tall and muscular you are, message boards and review sites and travel books and Fodor’s agree sooner or later a tag team of America’s Most Wanted will come gunning for you.

Then we found out New Orleans is the home of the National WWII Museum. Not a WWII museum — the National WWII Museum, as duly designated by Congress in 2003. Anne knows stuff about WWII. Longtime MCC readers might recall the story of how we first met:

[Anne had] been a WWII buff for years, and read extensively about Germany in general and Hitler in particular. I still remember the time when the teacher (one Frau Schmitz by name) basically turned the class over to Anne and let her give us a speech about Hitler. Anne proceeded to do so…with no notes, and no real preparation beforehand. As I recall, her extemporaneous speech filled two solid class periods over two days — roughly 100 minutes total — with what she knew about Hitler before Frau Schmitz finally stepped in and resumed teaching.

She’s always up for learning more about WWII, above and beyond what she’s already accumulated over the course of decades. When she learned the National WWII Museum was in New Orleans…well. Murderers, schmurderers.

Right this way for Part 1 of a photo-gallery miniseries!