“Sleepy Hollow” 11/12/2015: Berserk du Soleil

Norse Berserkers!

Meet your obscure monsters of the week: the Cult of Curly Joe.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Our Heroes fought a wild ‘n’ wispy wasp woman; Pandora escaped inside her creepy blue Hellmouth tree; and we learned all this season’s previous monsters just barely had a meaningless connection with each other, kind of like a bunch of James Bond villains supposedly belonging to the same criminal organization but never lending each other a hand, so their secret evil fraternity doesn’t mean much to them or to viewers.

On tonight’s new episode, “The Art of War”: an ancient threat emerges from Scandinavia; Jenny has superpowers; Crane quotes Sun Tzu and touts the virtues of horsehair fishing lines; Abbie shows her mad chess skillz; “fan favorite” Joe Corbin has his first kiss; the Great-Big Bad behind our two Big Bads makes his grand entrance; and Betsy Ross, Action Spy, is off this week, probably on special flashback assignment or something.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Sleepy Hollow” 10/22/2015: Better Living Through Dentistry

Sleepy Hollow!

“Little girl, by my count this American coin contains no less than six different lies. How many can YOU discern?”

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: We learned the absolutely true story of the eternal Jack the Ripper; our man Crane boldly decided to become a legal immigrant; Jenny Mills caught yet another competitive relic hunter stepping on her turf; and “fan favorite” Joe Corbin was, y’know, there.

On tonight’s new episode, “The Sisters Mills”: the season’s best outing so far sees Abbie and Jenny comparing notes over family matters, Crane and Zoe Corinth trading designer emoji, and we’re told Everything You Know About the Tooth Fairy Is WRONG. Tonight is brought to you by guest director Guillermo Navarro, best known as the cinematographer on most of Guillermo del Toro’s films, having won an Academy Award for his memorable work on Pan’s Labyrinth, and helmed half a dozen episodes of NBC’s Hannibal. As you’d expect, this week’s monster looks fabulously disturbing.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Sleepy Hollow” 11/17/2014 (spoilers): Mama Said There’d Be Demons Like These

Sleepy Hollow!

Remember when watching home movies was a fun family experience?

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Our Heroes defeated a succubus; Katrina returned to the waiting arms of undead ex-fiancé Bram; Henry presided over the crib of a bouncing baby Moloch; and Crane found himself bewitched by the inexplicable forces of reality TV.

In tonight’s new episode, “Mama”, we meet Abbie and Jenny’s mom! Guest star Aunjanue Ellis (The Help, Ray) is the late Lori Mills, who committed suicide in Tarrytown Psychiatric Hospital years ago, leaving her daughters to fend for themselves in the face of a demonic conspiracy. As with every other death in town, of course we learn not all was as it seemed, and she’s not out of the game yet. Meanwhile, Ichabod Crane is down for most of the episode with a nasty cold. He spends half the time resting of his own volition, and the other half knocked out by drugged matzo ball soup, courtesy of the “privateer” Hawley, who’s happy to help even though his actions don’t earn him a single dime this week.

For those who missed out, my attempt to hash out the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Sleepy Hollow” 10/6/2014 (spoilers): Silver Malignings Playbook

From the Judas Mint!

Collect twenty-nine more of these and you can trade in for one corrupted Apostle, or wait till you see what’s behind Door #2…

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Captain Irving was committed to Tarrytown Psychiatric for easier visitation rights and unknowingly signed a contract with War in blood; Jenny Mills was sent back to jail by Abbie’s clueless new boss; Our Heroes reassembled Ben Franklin’s American Frankenstein using Death’s skull, but forgot to put a leash on it; and Ichabod’s wife pitched her new spinoff Katrina Crane, Spy Witch, which might have a shot when Fox pulls the plug on Utopia.

In this week’s new episode, “Root of All Evil”, family secrets are revealed, money is the bad guy, small-town law firms are shady, trust is a commodity, and Crane recoils from an abomination that the rest of society too easily tolerates: men who wear hats indoors.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Sleepy Hollow” 9/29/2014 (spoilers): Poor Richard’s Avenger

Ichabod Crane!

Sleepy Hollow DVD set: $50. Ichabod Crane T-shirt: $25. Watching Crane tear new holes in the credit card industry on network TV: priceless.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Crane and Abbie escaped from Purgatory with assistance from her sister Jenny, stymied Jeremy/Henry’s plans to aid Moloch in leading a zombie invasion into our dimension, and taught us all how Benjamin Franklin could be an annoying old perv.

This week’s new episode, “The Kindred”, sees an old friend returning, a new monster birthing, a new supporting character ruining things, and our man Crane denouncing not one but two modern industries for their dehumanizing practices. If you think your grandparents complain too much about things these days, just imagine how cranky they’d be after a two-century nap.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Sleepy Hollow” 9/22/2014 (spoilers): The Franklin Hints

Moloch!

Moloch prepares to play Johnny Zombieseed.

And we’re back! It’s September 22, 2014, and the second season of Sleepy Hollow has launched at last. Midlife Crisis Crossover previously brought you same-night recaps of each of the thirteen Season One episodes as they aired, using the best resources available to me as an amateur non-journalist who doesn’t earn complimentary advance review copies or go rooting around for pirated sneak-peeks. I watch; I pause for thought and breath; and then I type as quickly as I can before my brain collapses long after bedtime. It’s just this thing I like to do.

When last we left Our Heroes, Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) had been buried alive by the Sin-Eater Henry Parish, a.k.a. his long-lost son Jeremy Crane (John Noble), grown old and evil and promoted to the rank of War, the second of the Four Horseman. The First Horseman, Death, a.k.a. the fabled Headless Horseman, as embodied by Crane’s former best friend Abraham Van Brunt, had taken prisoner the woman they both love, Crane’s witch-wife Katrina (Katia Winter), who had been freed from Purgatory by swapping places with Crane’s partner and present-day best friend, Lieutenant Abbie Mills (Nicole Beharie). Abbie was left stranded in Purgatory and trying not to be murdered by the Big Bad behind all the evil, the demon Moloch (currently played by Derek Mears, a former Jason Voorhies), who’s trying to find a way to wage war on our world despite all the interdimensional traveling limitations.

Meanwhile, Abbie’s sister Jenny (Lyndie Greenwood) was left unconscious in her flipped SUV after a Horseman attack. Abbie’s commanding officer Captain Irving (Orlando Jones) is in jail for the murder of one of his officers. The real murderer was a demon who had possessed the body of Irving’s wheelchair-bound daughter Macey (Amandla Sternberg), but that sort of information doesn’t play well in an ordinary police interrogation.

That brings us to the season-two premiere: “This is War”. For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Sleepy Hollow” 10/7/2013 (spoilers): That Distracting Tea Party

Item 37, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

What lies within…Item 37? (Hint: it’s bigger than a breadbox, smaller than the Ark of the Covenant.)

As with last week, the fourth episode of Fox’s Sleepy Hollow contains no Horseman, no witches, no Katrina or her time loop, and no Clancy Brown flashbacks (except in one telling photo). This week was jam-packed with movement nonetheless, including a key piece of info we’ve been dying to know since episode one. The focus of tonight’s “The Lesser Key of Solomon” is squarely on the broken relationship between Abbie and her sister Jenny, who escaped from the asylum last week with an agenda of her own.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

So…who wants to learn the Big Bad’s true name? Show of hands?

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