Disney World! Part 27: The Magic Kingdom Beyond the Castle

July 20, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Bronze Lincoln bust on a pedestal in front of a black-and-white painting of Walt Disney.

We found their miniature American history museum! And you can’t have one of those without a bust of Lincoln.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except the one day she didn’t have to, so we could do actual tourism together in this supernaturally fun place where our families could never afford to visit in childhood, unlike all the other, more well-off whitebread kids who outnumbered us tens-of-millions-to-2. Thus we spent our afternoon in the Magic Kingdom wandering more than riding, gawking more than waiting in lines, and feeling dumbstruck at sights that surely would’ve blown our minds if we’d come here as kids. It was impossible to hold onto our Gen-X jadedness here.

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On the Unthinkable Occasion of Our 20th Wedding Anniversary

July 18, 2024 By in Indiana, Mundane Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Us doing jazz hands in front of an enlarged photo of George Washington's mansion.

Fun times at George Washington’s Mount Vernon on our 2024 road trip.

It’s that time again! Another year of blessed bliss married to the amazing Anne, another “Happy Anniversary to Us!” entry, another dinner to celebrate, and another nearly unrelated lead image. This year’s milestone is also a multiple of 5, so society says it’s worth extra skill points!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: two geeks met in 1987 in high school German class, somewhat out of sync with the ordinary folks around us. Divine timing would keep our unplanned parallel paths intertwining over the years. Everything led up to our determinedly simple wedding in 2004, by which time we best friends had already started traveling together after growing up in families and lifestyles that didn’t lend themselves to much of it. All these years later, our story continues together through ups and downs, highs and lows, chuckles and tears, aches and pains, and mountains and valleys both figurative and literal.

We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

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Disney World! Part 26: It’s a Small, Small, Small, Small World

July 14, 2024 By in Mundane Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Three cutesy singing animatronic figurines with tribal face paints, two mushroom-shaped and one shaped like a thumb. Everything's blue and purple.

Welcome to animatronic Africa with mood lighting!

I ask you, what better time than right now for a shiny happy feel-good gallery of an alternate Earth in which everyone sets aside their differences, concedes they were all cranked out by the same animatronic manufacturer, celebrates mutual captivity on the same indoor canal, welcomes outsiders without fear of mass shootings or assassinations, and drowns out any concerns by singing the same catchy jingle over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

…sorry, what were we talking about?

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Disney World! Part 25: Adventure Friends Cavalcade

July 5, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Disney World parade cast members: Mary Poppins and Stitch, dancing. Mary's eyes are closed. Bert the chimney sweep is nearly offscreen, aghast at something.

If Mary Poppins thinks those Banks whelps were a handful, wait’ll she gets a load of Stitch.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except the one day she didn’t. We didn’t leave ourselves a lot of time to explore the Magic Kingdom park — i.e., the one with the world-famous castle in it — but we encountered plenty of surprises in the short time allotted.

Case in point: the Disney Adventure Friends Cavalcade! There we were, wandering toward the northern border of Frontierland when we ran into a newly formed roadblock, which made way for a slew of Disney characters to emerge from a gate on our left. An even mix of popular favorites and deep-dive obscurities merrily danced, pranced, strolled, fed upon adulation, and maybe taught us a lesson that sometimes there are good reasons to stop traffic.

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Disney World! Part 24: Dance Party at Cinderella Castle

June 30, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Hundreds of guests walking up to the fancy magic castle on a bright spring day.

This was the wallpaper on my work computer for the next several months.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day off, free of company business and responsibilities, so we could at last spend quality time together at The Most Magical Place on Earth™. After indulging for a couple hours back at the resort to recuperate from our intergalactic morning at Hollywood Studios, we followed our Park Hopper pass to the one place where sixteen billion Disney World blogs say you’re supposed to start your travelogue, rather than holding it back till Chapter 24: at Disney’s Magic Kingdom park, starring the iconic Cinderella Castle.

(My stubborn insistence on burying the lede in its exact position in the narrative might explain why this miniseries’ traffic has been demoralizingly negligible, which in turn is why I haven’t bothered rushing it. Or maybe it’s because everyone on Earth already read those first sixteen billion Disney World blogs and has zero interest in giving pity-clicks to #16,000,000,001. Or everyone’s richer than we are and you’ve already been there six times and I’m boring you with what you’ve already seen for yourself. Nevertheless, here we are!)

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Disney World! Part 23: Hurray for Hollywood Studios

June 25, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Disney World cast member in Daisy Duck costume standing on a picnic blanket in the grass, pointing way off to our left. Behind her is a large square arch with a Disney's Hollywood Studios sign.

Daisy Duck doing her best Babe Ruth impression.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day off, which we began at Hollywood Studios because, apropos of us, that’s where Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge was. We didn’t ride any more rides that morning, but we found plenty to photograph beyond the worlds of Star Wars, Toy Story and the Muppets. ‘Tis a magical place!

(Especially the palm trees, which were everywhere we turned. We don’t have those back home in Indiana, but judging by these pics, you’d think they were the only things we were excited to see.)

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Yes, There’s a Scene After the “Inside Out 2” End Credits

June 23, 2024 By in Movies/Films/Flicks Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments
Joy stands excitedly at the control panel with Anxiety, who looks sheepish and very orange. The room is all purple with rows of yellow light bulbs.

Manic Pixie Dream Joy welcomes Frazzled Rock!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: Pixar made an entire movie about feels feeling feels! As someone who responds well to films that probe deeper emotions than “wheeeee”, I named Pete Doctor’s Inside Out my favorite film of 2015 – against the heavyweight competition of Creed, Spotlight, and Fury Road — after its in-depth examination of baseline emotions via cutesy anthropomorphization, as well as its complicated theses about the importance of sadness and the beginning of the end of childhood, wrecked me in the theater twice, back in that bygone era when I’d go see a film in theaters more than once if I thought it was that awesome.

Nine years later, Pixar has the blemished scorecard of any ordinary animation studio. I’ve had such mixed reactions that I only saw one of their last five films in theaters (and regretted giving in to the cash-grab). Nevertheless, I agreeably let them redeem Inside Out‘s stack of goodwill chips and left the house to catch the new Inside Out 2 while my inner voices of Skepticism and Hope squabbled with each other like Siskel and Ebert. Each of them scored points off the other, leaving me wrecked and nitpicky.

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Disney World! Part 22: It’s the Muppet Show!

June 20, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
On the side of a colorful exterior hodgepodge wall is a large clock with Kermit's face in the middle and twelve circled stars instead of numbers. The hands point to 2:00.

It’s Kermit o’clock somewhere!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day off, when we ran straight to Disney’s Hollywood Studios and went crazy Broadway-style. Several blocks’ worth of Star Wars bazaar and flight simulators had taken our breath away, and the Toy Story section had turned Andy’s bedroom floor into a veritable sculpture garden, but deep down in the geeky grade-schooler in me, all of them take a back seat to the Muppets, who were first to plant their freak-flag in his heart

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My 2023 Reading Stacks #4: The Ludicrously Delayed Triple-Sized Wrap-Up

June 16, 2024 By in Comics/Lit Tags: , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
Bunch of books piled on our dining table, mostly graphic novels.

I usually prefer showing off all the covers, but we are waaaaay past the deadline that nobody gave me.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to our recurring MCC feature in which I scribble capsule reviews of everything I’ve read that was published in a physical format over a certain page count with a squarebound spine on it — novels, original graphic novels, trade paperbacks, infrequent nonfiction dalliances, and so on. Due to the way I structure my media-consumption time blocks, the list will always feature more graphic novels than works of prose and pure text, though I do try to diversify my literary diet as time and acquisitions permit.

Occasionally I’ll sneak in a contemporary review if I’ve gone out of my way to buy and read something brand new. Every so often I’ll borrow from my wife Anne or from our local library. But the majority of our spotlighted works are presented years after the rest of the world already finished and moved on from them because I’m drawing from my vast unread pile that presently occupies four oversize shelves comprising thirty-five years of uncontrolled book shopping. I’ve occasionally pruned the pile, but as you can imagine, cut out one unread book and three more take its place…

Yeah, this is beyond late and into the realm of “why bother now?” It isn’t even the only “year in review” post still on my to-do list. The stacks have cluttered the area around our computer desk this entire time and really need to be moved so I don’t start mixing them up with the books I’ve read so far in 2024, but in my mind they can’t be moved till their capsules are finished. I hate to post an abbreviated entry simply to get something “over with”, but the time has come, gone, lapped around and come again. In the spirit of spring cleaning before summer begins this very week, here’s everything else I read last year but with (mostly) shorter capsules than usual. Longer capsules could be provided upon request, I guess?

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Disney World! Part 21: Toy Story Land

June 13, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Roller coaster shaped like Slinky Dog rides 20+ feet in the air over a walkway that looks like a video game racetrack. It has circular arches; the front one says "GO!"

The Slinky Dog Dash coaster! No, we aren’t on it.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day to do whatever we wanted in Disney World vicinity, whether it was riding rides or just wandering around them. Other options included Disney Springs or just wallowing at the Grand Floridian’s spa facility. Some options were more tempting than others.

We’d dallied for so long in Galaxy’s Edge that everyplace else in Hollywood Studios had crowded up in the meantime. We next sauntered north to Toy Story Land, Star Wars’ next-door neighbor geographically and corporate-family-wise. Much of the area is for the kiddos, but grown-ups have options, too. After escaping the First Order and piloting the Millennium Falcon our inner whirligiggish sens-o-meters were at max capacity for a while. We middle-agers were plenty entertained walking around this alt-universe showcase of what Andy’s bedroom might’ve looked like at worm’s-eye-view if he’d been jointly cloned from Frank Lloyd Wright and Pee-Wee Herman.

We loved the designs of the rides, the buildings, the statues, the muchness of it all. We were intoxicated with that long-lost sensation we used to get every time Pixar made a new film.

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Disney World! Part 20: The Museum of Star Wars

June 9, 2024 By in Movies/Films/Flicks, Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Full Rey desert costume including goggles and face mask, plus big fictional speeder parked behind her. Exhibit backdrop is a nighttime desert with a rich, bluish-purple sky.

One of Daisy Ridley’s Rey costumes and her speeder.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day off to enjoy together from dawn to dusk. Galaxy’s Edge was of course our feature presentation and favorite part of the entire vacation, but it wasn’t the only place to find Star Wars in Hollywood Studios. Up on the northwest side of the park, their Animation Courtyard section held Star Wars Launch Bay, a low-key gallery of props, vehicles, posters, miniatures, and other arts sprung forth from the collective Lucasfilm imagination. The building itself was removed from the main thoroughfares and a bit depressing with its all-black walls and minimalist adornment apart from the objets d’art themselves. It was a stark contrast from the rest of the uniformly eye-popping park and sparsely attended. It was arguably a good place for a time-out for guests who could use mental-health intermissions away from overpopulated theme-park hubbub.

On the “pro” side: it was more sights to see from, of, and about the Star Wars. Consider it extra credit to the interactive Galaxy’s Edge experience, albeit a few blocks down the road from all those superior, more lavishly exhibited areas.

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Disney World! Part 19: Postcards from Galaxy’s Edge

June 8, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments
Anne standing in front of the Galaxy's Edge area that looks like a bunch of alien shops influenced by Asian designs.

A bazaar of the bizarre!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…but we absolutely made the most of her one day off, starting with the fabulous space neighborhood of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. We never thought we’d see it person, yet here we were. The Millennium Falcon ride was pretty great and Rise of the Resistance was THE BEST, but Galaxy’s Edge is more than just a souped-up space carnival. It’s…well, okay, it’s an extremely souped-up space carnival. It’s an opportunity for Star Wars fans like us (rather noticeable on this site throughout the years) to feel transported to that one galaxy out there and explore its worlds up close like a window-shopping anthropologist.

Well, some of its worlds, anyway. We saw no signs of Dagobah, Kamino, or Mustafar. Sand was in far shorter supply than on Tatooine, though the architecture was similar. Maybe they hired the same design firms as Jakku and Scarif. And the buildings were a little too short and scruffy for Coruscant. I also doubt Florida would’ve been the proper place to recreate Hoth, unless this was a faithful rendition of Hoth in summertime. We’ve all just assumed the entirety of Hoth was Space Antarctica for however many months its years have, but what if we only saw it in wintertime and it in fact offers some wondrous tropical vacation climes in some other hemisphere that Lucas didn’t bother to show us? Then again, maybe there used to be a Hoth section, but they pulled the plug on it sometime before March 2023 because it was using too much freon and Disney needed some funds freed up to hire more lawyers to punch Ron DeSantis in the face. I’m sorry we missed it.

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Disney World! Part 18: Star Wars: Millennium Falcon – Smugglers Run

June 6, 2024 By in Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
My wife gesturing wildly at the life-size Millennium Falcon parked far behind her. In the background are massive canyon walls. A few other tourists mill about.

It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs! Usually it takes fifteen unless your ship can handle the Vogon hyperspace bypass!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

…especially not on our very special Star Wars date-day!

Sure, Rise of the Resistance may or may not have been the greatest theme park ride in world history, but it wasn’t the only Lucasfilm tribute that Hollywood Studios offered. After our honorable discharge from the Resistance and some overdue breakfast (which we’ll cover in a later chapter), our next obvious stop was Millennium Falcon – Smugglers Run.

The intergalactic flight simulator lets fans pretend they’re Han and Chewie, or Lando and Nien Nunb, or Rey and Finn, or Rey and Chewbacca, or Ralph and Alice Kramden going bang-zoom to the moon. It’s up to you whatever role-playing you can manage jointly in your heads while you’re being buffeted by lights and sound effects and stomach-churning vibrations, and managing the interactive tasks assigned to you. Every rider gets to be a Millennium Falcon crew member!

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Disney World! Part 17: Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance

June 3, 2024 By in Movies/Films/Flicks, Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Shiny Death Star chamber with vaulted ceiling and dozens of Stormtrooper mannequins standing before a fake bay window viewing space.

I’ve got a great feeling about this!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

…except on Thursday. That was her one free day, all play and no work. She’d be asked to suffer no business meetings, no HR-mandated activities, no coworker chitchat, and no miss-you-SO-much text exchanges miles apart juxtaposing my solo adventures with her expertly catered drudgery. The Wednesday evening captive dinner was the nadir of our trip, but the next morning was The Best.

Five years ago we attended Star Wars Celebration Chicago, where the exhibit hall featured a sneak preview of Disney World’s extravagant, then-upcoming new attraction, Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Hollywood Studios. An entire corner of that park was terraformed into a full-scale recreation of that world-famous far-faraway galaxy. Rides! Ships! Shops! Props! Merch! Environments! Cosplaying “cast members”! Long lines just like at the theater! The convention preview was fancy and entertaining, but we kept our enthusiasm in check. We’d already been to Florida once, visited the other Orlando theme parks, and didn’t plan a Florida encore anytime soon. Of course we dreamed of one, preferably before retirement while we could still walk under our own power, but it seemed pretty doubtful at Disney World prices. We figured by the time we did come back, Galaxy’s Edge would be long gone and replaced with, like, Doc McStuffins Village or whatever.

A lot can change in five years. And, to our shock, did. Their overpriced Star Wars-themed hotel was history, but Galaxy’s Edge was still there, waiting.

Pretty much within the first minute of our trip planning, we’d known where and how this day would begin: STAR WARS!

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“FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA” IN SUPER AWESOME DOLBY CINEMA ALL-CAPS-O-RAMA! (Well, Kinda!)

June 1, 2024 By in Movies/Films/Flicks Tags: , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments
Post-apocalyptic warrior woman with black paint around her eyes gets out of a monster truck holding a sawed-off shotgun.

GET IN, LOSER! WE’RE GOING TO THE MOVIES!

PREVIOUSLY ON MIDLIFE CRISIS CROSSOVER: MAD MAX FURY ROAD WAS THE WINNER OF SIX ACADEMY AWARDS, A BEST PICTURE NOMINEE, ONE OF MY TOP 5 FILMS OF 2015, AND THE GREATEST MAD MAX MOVIE OF ALL TIME! I WATCHED IT AGAIN THE OTHER NIGHT AND IT WAS STILL LIKE BOBBING FOR GRENADES IN A BARREL FULL OF ADRENALIN! IT WAS EXTREMELY LOUDLY MIND-BLOWINGLY EXTREEEME! I WISH I COULD LEGALLY DRIVE LIKE THAT! AND I WROTE MY REVIEW IN SCREAMING MODE JUST LIKE THIS! IT WAS ONE OF OUR TOP 5 MOST POPULAR POSTS THAT YEAR! SO HERE WE GO AGAIN!

EVERYONE LOVED FURY ROAD SO MUCH, GEORGE MILLER MADE A PREQUEL! FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA IS NOW IN THEATERS! BUT THERE’S NO CHARLIZE THERON OR TOM HARDY OR THE ONE CANCELED GUY THAT HARDY REPLACED! NO ONE REMEMBERS HARDY’S PART ANYWAY BECAUSE FURIOSA WAS AWESOME! SHE DROVE A TRUCK AND HAD A RAD HEAVY METAL BIONICLE ARM AND SHE STOLE THE MOVIE! BUT NOW SHE’S ANYA TAYLOR-JOY! WHO ISN’T CHARLIZE THERON! BUT SHE SURVIVED THE MENU AND SHE WAS MAGIK IN THE NEW MUTANTS, SO SHE’S BEEN THROUGH SOME STUFF!

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Proclaiming the Good News of the “Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes”

May 26, 2024 By in Movies/Films/Flicks Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment
Smart ape holds a falcon on its gloved arm.

“So, eagle, you do for apes what you did for dwarves and hobbit?”

Previously on Planet of the Apes: apes rule Earth now! Andy Serkis’ Caesar led apes to victory but died for ape sins! Virus strike whole planet, make humanity stupider! Humanity also mute now! Lucky apes not have to hear human stupidity! Unless apes reinvent internet! Movies not say humans can’t type! Maybe ape moderators ban humans from simian media!

Everything’s coming up monkey-house as we continue with the prequel/reboot (preqboot?) series that’s been among the most consistently entertaining of its kind in this era of I.P. recycle-overdrive. (R.I.P. those once-cool X-Men preqboots whose producers turned their last two flicks into shiny dumpster clutter.) So far we’ve had nary a clunker in the new bunch, more than we can say for the original Apes pentalogy. That’s including the latest release, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, which box-office pundits are dubbing a failure because its opening weekend earned “only” $58 million domestic, nearly twice as much as all other May 2024 blockbuster openings. Guess it’s hard out here for a chimp.

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“Abigail”: Bunhead of Blood

May 23, 2024 By in Movies/Films/Flicks Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Tween vampire ballerina bursts through a white door, large wood fragments flying, murder in her eyes.

Black Swan but with slightly less agony.

Horror hasn’t been a primary go-to genre for me as I’ve aged, but I’ll check out a given work in just about any genre if it can sink a hook into the elusive target that is my set of aesthetic peculiarities. (And by “hook” I do not mean I award imaginary brownie points for use of the empty “elevated horror” label.) In the wake of the Hollywood-wide restart after last year’s dual WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, some 7,000 new, quick-bake horror flicks will be coming to theaters over the next several months as studios catch up on their precious blockbuster assembly-line schedules. Amid the flood of recent blood-soaked trailers — from high-concept to lowbrow to “the plot is a spoiler!” — one pitch spoke to me from the fray: “From the directors of the last two Scream movies!”

If the preceding sentences sound familiar, it’s because they’re largely lifted from my previous write-up of Late Night with the Devil. If horror flicks have taught me anything, it’s that recycling is cool. Sometimes old parts can be reused in a new contraption without collapsing. Sometimes the contraption is pretty nifty, like folding a newspaper into a sailboat, or making an omelet with leftover taco filling, or lifting the one-line concept from an old Universal monster movie but throwing away the rest of the movie because no one remembers it anyway.

Hence, directors Matt Bellinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett (d/b/a the team “Radio Silence”) present Abigail. The 1936 work that inspired it is a spoiler. Its entire trailer is a spoiler. Fortunately it doesn’t spoil the whole runtime, as more twists abound and a crack ensemble makes up the difference in their performances whenever the writing withholds too much.

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The Blue 52

May 21, 2024 By in Indiana, Mundane Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Chocolate dessert! Refer to caption.

Our Friday night dessert, one for each of us: Chocolate Terrine on graham cracker crust with ganache, blackberry cheesecake ice cream, blackberry sauce, and a real blackberry on top.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: last Friday was my birthday, which I usually note here with gratitude for another year of survival. For years I assumed when I turned 52 I’d celebrate with some geektastic solipsism involving that very number’s use as a recurring DC Comics motif. I had at least one whole anecdote lined up and everything. So far the closest we’ve come to living out any DC homage is the cosmic irony of having the entire lead-up week disrupted by, to put it horridly, a major character death.

The week was instead overshadowed by the unexpected passing of my cousin Shawn on Mother’s Day at age 50, two years younger than me. I never throw parties anyway, but I begged off some of our traditions with hopes of resuming them next year — no evening spent entirely on Facebook (the only social media system remotely nice about birthdays), no one-day road trip with my wife Anne away from Indianapolis, and no ice cream cake. I never post about the ice cream cake, but it’s usually my thing.

Nevertheless we tried to find and/or create some bright spots where we could throughout the week. Mostly I mean food.

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Another Transformation: A Eulogy

May 19, 2024 By in Mundane Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments
Two guys in suit jackets and ties sitting on a carpeted stage. The back wall has thin beige and blue glass panels alternating within white borders.

Flashback to 2004 with our Best Man.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: in addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together, usually traveling to some new place or attraction as a short-term road trip — partly as an excuse to spend time together on those most wondrous days, partly to explore areas we’ve never experienced before. It’s who we are and what we do. Well, usually. Preferably.

This year I struggled to pick someplace, anywhere, to hit up for my occasion. Nothing lit a light bulb over my head. Should we explore one of the few Indiana small towns we haven’t already combed over for roadside attractions? Revisit one of the large cities in our neighboring states? Break tradition, stay home and binge-watch? Abandon Anne at home, go out alone, attend the Bad Religion/Social Distortion concert happening that very night in downtown Indy, and unwittingly get my teeth kicked out in an impromptu mosh pit? I hemmed and hawed for weeks.

On Mother’s Day the entire brainstorming list fell down the garbage disposal when unconscionably horrible news struck our family: my cousin Shawn had passed away. I was about to turn 52. He’d just turned 50.

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How We Spent This Blog’s 12th Anniversary: A C2E2 2024 Epilogue

May 11, 2024 By in Meta, Travel Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Nighttime view of a cross-section of Chicago's Magnificent Mile. Lit-up things include many windows, a Marriott logo with the second T obscured by a building corner, and the lightsaber atop Trump Tower.

The view from our Chicago hotel under cover of darkness, where none might find us among the millions in the big city. Kinda like loners on the internet.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: I launched this wee blog on April 28, 2012, three weeks before my 40th birthday as a means of charting the effects of the aging process on my opinions of, enthusiasm for, offense at, and/or detailed nitpicking of various works of art, expression, humanity, inhumanity, glory, love, idolatry, inspiration, hollowness, geek lifestyles, food, and Deep Thoughts. MCC has also served as a digital scrapbook for our annual road trips, comic cons, birthday expeditions, and other modest travels. It’s a general repository for any other content that comes to mind and feels worth the time and effort to type up, proofread, and release unto a world-at-large that rarely visits websites anymore unless social media points them there.

I commemorate MCC’s every anniversary here, but this year my wife Anne and I were busy that weekend, preoccupied by the geek gala that was C2E2 2024. We spent the site’s 12th anniversary not really thinking about it — much like the rest of the world, really. Rather than dwell on my dozen years of toiling in obscure hermitage on this tiny, mostly unpaid quasi-boutique hobby-job, we can instead center our closet-sized soiree on two of our favorite topics that come up whenever time and experience permit: travel and food.

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