Please Crowdfund My Awesome New Project So I Can Pretend to Make Cool Stuff

Napkins Begone, Ultracausal Hygiene Science

Every good campaign has a catchy slogan. Pretend this is one.

Finally, after minutes of brainstorming ways to make a difference in this broken world, leave a lasting legacy, and accept money from strangers in exchange for pleasant-sounding promises, something has popped into my head that’s hopefully the magic bullet everyone needs, and by “everyone” I mean my bill collectors and I. I hope you’ll hear me out and then shower me with gifts so I can make my brand new dream come true if I work hard enough, the stars align, miracles happen, and no one stops to think anything through.

The Premise:

We can be certain of few things in life, but three of those things are these:

1. People want to kill fewer trees.
2. People will always be sloppy eaters.
3. People want phone apps to do everything for them.

The man who figures out how to combine those three arbitrarily chosen certainties will be the next man to rule the world. I agree with the puzzled look on your face that my path to world domination and self-esteem is littered with several obstacles, including but not limited to the laws of physics.

Intrigued so far? What do you mean no? Click here and learn more about it anyway!

2013 Road Trip Photos #29: Rock ‘n’ Roll, Never Forgotten

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: pics from our visit to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame Museum in scenic, underrated Cleveland. Last time I shared the items and exhibits that struck the deepest chords for me. This time: the general-audience objects that also caught our attention.

For example: FLYING DEATH CARS FROM ABOVE! Stage props from U2’s ’92-’93 Zoo TV tour.

U2 Zoo TV Cars

For those about to rock, enter here!

2013 Road Trip Photos #28: More to Rock-‘n’-Roll Than Elvis and the Beatles

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: on Day Eight we woke up in Cleveland on purpose. Not many vacationers will lead a story off with that confession. This wasn’t like our last time in Cleveland, an ill-fated day in 2004 when we ended up trapped there for several hours, having been clobbered by a sneaky one-two punch of alternator failure and overturned semi. No, this time I wanted to be in Cleveland all day long. We had a to-do list of geek stops and I meant to assay every last one of them.

Our second stop of the day has a high-ranking item on my modest bucket list for years: the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum, ruling majestically from the coast of Lake Erie. I’ll be honest: its six-hour distance from home wasn’t the only reason I’d procrastinated a visit. I was afraid the whole place will be one massive, nostalgic, retrograde tribute to old acts from thirty or forty years ago, just like the average Grammys ceremony. I was honestly surprised at the breadth of musical acts honored inside these randomly shaped walls.

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Museum, Cleveland, Ohio

Follow the backbeat this way…

21 Movie Headlines That Don’t Belong on a Front Page

Joe Don Baker. Mitchell

Fun trivia: Googling “Joe Don Baker Mitchell remake” yields negative-3,000 results.

I brake for far fewer movie-news articles than the average geek. I still like movies, but what passes for movie “news” nowadays generally doesn’t merit my time or clicking because the majority doesn’t meet my minimum specifications for “news”. I have no vested interest in following the full life cycle of every production from germination-of-idea to perennial-AMC-airings.

I can think of numerous examples off the top of my head for most steps of the filmmaking process and marketing campaign. To illustrate my apathy, let me walk you through the vantage point of internet news outlets — not official sources such as The Hollywood Reporter, Variety, or Nikki Finke, but the other guys. Pretty much all the other guys.

For the sake of argument, let’s pretend the following examples revolve around a remake of the 1975 police drama Mitchell, which starred Joe Don Baker as Oscar Madison from The Odd Couple, plus a gun, minus friends. Let’s pretend we’re in a near-future dystopia in which Hollywood used up its first 5,000 ideas and the only things standing between us and the bottom of the barrel are Mitchell and The Snorks. And James Cameron already has plans for the Snorks.

Let the disposable headlines begin!

Best CDs of 2013, According to an Old Guy Who Bought Seven

Wesley Stace, Self-Titled

This man deserves to be selling zillions more albums. Someone see to it.

It’s that time of year again! The last time I summarized my year in music purchases, it was slightly longer than this year’s list, only because I bought a 2012 reissue that merited inclusion. I don’t limit myself to a maximum of seven CDs per year; the identical count is coincidental. Blame the music industry for largely boring or alienating me nowadays. As you can imagine, local commercial radio is no help.

The following, then, comprises every CD I acquired in 2013 that was also released in 2013. Back-catalog materials are forbidden from inclusion, though allow me to express in this singular clause that I wish I’d gotten Elvis Costello and the Attractions’ Live at Hollywood High much, much sooner.

On with the countdown, then — from least best to surprising favorite:

7. Childish Gambino, Because the Internet. The only other rap album I bought in the last five years was Donald Glover’s 2011 pseudonymous debut Camp — a killer mix of scathing satire and autobiography, laced with pop-culture references as cutting descriptors rather than random gags. Harsh language isn’t my thing anymore, but the Community-clever snark and wounded candor rose above. His sophomore effort, on the other hand, is a hodgepodge of half-finished tracks, electronic hooks in search of lyrics to stick to, verses that lead nowhere, Bone Thugs speed-rap for listeners who love rhyming words but hate complete sentences, and a general impenetrability that strings a velvet rope in front of us intruders who don’t Get It.

Sample track: The obligatory NSFW single “3005“, in which he sounds defensive about his insecurities and comforts himself with in-jokes. Or something. But it’s more or less a complete song in music-class terms. Points for English class completeness, I suppose.

This way for the other six…

21st Century Digital Fogey

Google Chromecast

Welcome to the newest addition to our family.

Every few years there comes another time in a man’s life when it’s time to upgrade to the next level of entertainment technology. While the old gizmos might work fine and haven’t broken yet, sometimes it’s time to escalate our media consumption anyway. It’s never easy for me. The older I get, the tougher it can be to shift my paradigms to keep up with the Kids These Days.

Another one of those shifts was implemented this past weekend. I’m never excited when they come to pass, but circumstances warranted it, the money was available, the price was unbeatable, and so far the performance is competent.

This way to keep up with the Joneses…

My 2013 in Books and Graphic Novels

Neil Gaiman, Skottie Young, Fortunately the Milk

A rare instance of a book I bought and read in the same year it was published.

I rarely review printed matter on this site, but rest assured I find time to read a book or two where I can — in between buying new comics every Wednesday (single issues, pamphlets, floppies, whatever you prefer to call them), occasional issues of the Indianapolis Star, my longtime Entertainment Weekly subscription, Bible study, internet, contributing to this site close-to-daily, overtime at work, chores, family, and other distracting excuses. But books are definitely on my activity list, ranking well ahead of laundry, shining my shoes, and any home repair projects that I don’t actually know how to start.

I spent the first part of the year trying to clear out my accumulation of new finds and autographed items from conventions. I wedged in some prose novels and even a little nonfiction wherever I could, but most of my reading was catching up on the graphic-storytelling variety. I’m really tired of having a large backlog, and some tentatively planned restructuring of my free time and priorities in 2014 should help facilitate that. Maybe. Hopefully.

Presented below is the complete list of books, graphic novels, and trade collections that I finished reading in 2013. A few were started in 2012 and one was an on-‘n’-off side project for years, but I reached their final page this year and that’s what matters. I’m also pessimistically assuming I won’t have any reading time over the three days remaining. If reading time does occur, I’ll just stop three pages from the end and save it for January 1st. Fair enough?

That list, then…

Treatment Suggestions for Sufferers of Repressed Spoilers Syndrome

Daryl Dixon, Norman Reedus, Walking Dead

If Daryl Dixon ever dies, your dreams of a spoiler-free Sunday evening will be beyond laughable.

Every Sunday evening during the active TV seasons, my online experience takes the same shape: a few friends share their vague reactions to the new episode of The Walking Dead that signify something game-changing happened yet again, right on schedule; one or two other friends dispense with discretion and blurt out what the game-changing thing was to anyone who’ll listen; and another friend or two explode with spoiler rage because they weren’t watching the show as it aired, but totally planned to watch it as soon as they could, or as soon as they felt like it, apparently having learned nothing from the last forty times this happened with the last forty episodes.

Of those three fan divisions, it’s my belief that the most stressed-out and in need of help is Group 1.

This way for theories and treatment…

Five Tracks That Got Me Through Young Stupid Adulthood

alternative rock audiocassettes

Yep. Those are cassettes. This is how old I am.

If I learned anything after the fact from Buffy‘s depressing sixth season, it’s that our early 20s is when we humans are prone to committing our worst mistakes, making our stupidest decisions, missing our best opportunities, undergoing our darkest times, and discovering all the best reasons to fear and loathe ourselves. For many people those were also hallmarks of their teenage years, but I was a late starter on the journey to self-flagellation.

A childhood in which I was raised to “find my own path” (read: wander blindly through life’s shadowy forests without a tour guide or even a working flashlight) left me with very few tools for suffering the worst trials and shouldering the heaviest burdens, too many of which I brought on myself. By age thirty a series of improbable coincidences and extensive rethinking sessions had led me at long last to an illuminated trail that’s taken me toward much more reliable means and sources of support and encouragement than I ever had during my extended, two-time college-dropout phase.

Before I walked that way, all I had was music.

Of all the hundreds of songs that have caught my attention throughout my life, five in particular stand out as rare instances in which I was moved by music, moments of lyrical lucidity and emotional truth that resonated deep down in that mushy core whose existence the common guy denies, moments I returned to again and again for comfort, advice, consolation, deep thoughts, and/or a boost of spirit. These were five solid shots struck at the foundation of the oddly designed structure that passes for my life.

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Back When I Wore Halloween Costumes

Harry Potter costumes

Fortunately for our uncommon family, J. K. Rowling created characters for every imaginable somatotype.

For one and only one glorious Halloween in 2003, our family decided to dress up in a unified theme. Left to right in that aging 35mm photo are my son as Ron Weasley, myself as Hagrid, and my wife as Professor Sprout. At the time we were all fans of the series in books and movies, though they both fell out of favor with my son as he grew old and too-cool. My wife read all seven books multiple times and spent painstaking hours upon hours compiling her own comprehensive Harry Potter lexicon. My fandom level fell reasonably between the two.

Most of the accessories were thrift-shop finds. My son’s Weasley hair was simulated using an entire can of orange hair spray. We spent the evening accompanying her sister’s family and had a total blast. And then we never did it again.

Old man’s costume history follows…

A Few Plugs for Old Friends

Erin Boyes, Fruitcake

Erin Boyes and just desserts, in promo art for writer/director Seth Sherwood’s short film Fruitcake.

When I first boarded the Internet express back in 1999, I was fortunate enough to discover a few different online communities with hobbies, interests, sensibilities, and misfit vibes similar to mine. A couple of those places humored me and didn’t complain when I stuck around for as long as those communities existed. While many contemporaries, rivals, and extras have come and gone, it’s been a grand old time chatting, debating, spitballing, and growing older in real time while maintaining virtual connections with some of those folks over the past decade-plus. The most gratifying part is watching their creative endeavors in assorted arenas, as cast members (so to speak) have found ways to put their talents to use, been rewarded with moments of success, and/or kept dreaming even bigger dreams.

Historically speaking, Midlife Crisis Crossover has been terrible at plugging friends’ projects. You’d think it would be one of the many natural uses for a nicheless blog like mine, and yet…here I am, smacking my forehead and feeling sheepish about the oversight. If I can’t pass along their good news and upcoming projects — especially for the magnanimous one or two among them who’ve kindly passed word along about this site to their own connections since its inception — then what can I pass along?

In that spirit, MCC offers the following items of interest for your perusal. It’s been a privilege to share membership in the same online community with each of these contributors, who deserve the success they seek in their respective walks of life. If said success includes a product with a “Special Thanks” section, here’s hoping they keep the little people in mind. LOUD COUGH.

* * * * *

For your reading/viewing consideration:

The Old Introvert’s Guide to a Fun Night on the Town All Alone

Taste of Havana, Broad Ripple, Indianapolis

The average loner feels as if they’re always on the outside looking in. This is a POV of me on the inside looking out, convincing myself that I’ve turned the tables on the rest of humanity. Your move, humanity.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Just got back from attending my first concert in years…I have multiple reasons for rarely indulging in live music, but in those extremely rare situations when bands I actually, truly like (or liked at one time) come to town, this old man has been known to grant exceptions.

For the record, as with many of my past concert experiences, I attended alone. My wife and I share many important qualities and beliefs, but we differ on some of the unimportant stuff, including but not limited to musical preferences. That’s hardly a recipe for disaster, but if I want to catch one of my favorite musicians live, it means I’m on my own. The only acquaintances who share my musical tastes all live in different states. When I was younger, it was a bit more soul-crushing to find myself alone in a crowd full of happy couples and cliques. The older I get, the less it damages me.

When I have the opportunity to check out something interesting beyond our four walls, it’s not an automatic assumption that someone must be there to hold my hand. My wife and I find plenty of opportunities for quality time, but sometimes I’ll heed the call of a potentially rewarding solo adventure. How do I keep my spirits up without whining about loneliness or making sad puppy-dog eyes at other people and wishing really hard that they were my BFFs? What follows is a partial list of some of the personal guidelines that served me well on this particular jaunt.

Advice by introverts for introverts:

Fountains of Wayne, Soul Asylum, Evan Dando: My Personal One-Night Mini-Lollapalooza

The Vogue, Indianapolis, 10/17/2013Dateline: October 17, 2013 — Just got back from attending my first concert in years. Tonight at the Vogue, one of Indianapolis’ most well-known nightclubs in the heart of the Broad Ripple neighborhood, three catchy bands appeared on a single bill for an appallingly low price. Honestly, for $22.00 a head, I felt as if we were ripping them off.

I have multiple reasons for rarely indulging in live music, but in those extremely rare situations when bands I actually, truly like (or liked at one time) come to town, this old man has been known to grant exceptions.

The evening of excellence progressed like so:

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Former Kickstarter Junkie II: Even Formerer

Smoke/Ashes, Alex DeCampi, Tomer Hanuka

The Smoke/Ashes two-in-one limited hardcover edition was made possible through Kickstarter and conscientious perseverance. Art by Tomer Hanuka.

My copy of the new hardcover graphic novel Ashes arrived in my mailbox this week. When I first put up my money for the project, it was a sequel to a well-received IDW miniseries called Smoke. During the production process, creator Alex DeCampi announced it wouldn’t be a stretch for her to include both stories in a single volume. I’m certainly not one to turn down a value-added bonus.

This fabulous package was the result of a Kickstarter campaign that was launched in October 2011, successfully funded in December 2011, announced with a delivery date of December 2012, and plagued by setbacks too numerous to recount. Through frequent updates composed with above-and-beyond personal candor, DeCampi kept in touch throughout the process, provided backers with access to a digital version months ago, and generally gave the impression that she had every intention of fulfilling her commitments, no matter how much it would end up costing her in the long run, all without passing the budget overruns on to us. Congress should be so conscientious.

More than a few Kickstarter projects out there can’t say the same.

The following entry is a sequel to a previous entry…

Read. Think. Post.

Those three sharp words comprised one of the first, smartest lessons shared with me when I first hopped aboard the runaway internet express in a previous decade. Simple words bandied about by my earliest peers became a brilliant watchword trifecta to remind each other not to post in anger, to cool down before venting any immediate hostile impulses, to refrain from etching anything hasty and regrettable for eternal archiving. Self-control is key. You’re not required by law to reply immediately to anyone who stabs you the wrong way. Stepping back, breathing deeply, and taking a few hours away from your input device can do a world of good.

This snapshot, captured tonight through the magic of a few simple keystrokes and MS Paint, is how not to handle such potential fiascos. The amateurish content-editing is my doing, because of the lines I draw.

Twitter rage

The Twitter account in question was deleted less than half an hour later. A few earlier tweets were part of the same tirade, but I opted for moderate sampling over voyeuristic completism. I’m also not interested in linking to the tacky news story that sparked this reaction because I don’t believe they deserve any click-through traffic. At all.

I’m not normally one for ten-minute posts comprised of a single set of Words to Live By. Consider this an exception to the rule. From a Scriptural standpoint, I’ll point you to James 1:19-20 (NIV):

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

Much more eloquent and pleasingly faith-based from my perspective, but not as easy to fit onto a T-shirt or scribble on a Post-It to stick to your monitor or the back of your phone.

Make these three words Today’s Secret Words, today and every day, and you’ll be astounded at how your internet experience will improve by leaps and bounds.

Read. Think. Post.

#BadTwitterRecs

One of the more amusing one-joke Twitter handles I follow is Bad Netflix Recs, which pokes fun at automated recommendation services with poor logical parameters. Behold examples of the joke:

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E3 2013: Sony Unveils PlayStation 4 Console, Games, Lack of XBox One Fatal Flaws

Andrew House, Sony, PlayStation 4

Andrew House, President and CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment, shows off his company’s amazing new baby.

This week is the Electronic Entertainment Expo (or “E3” for effort conservation), an annual trade fair held in Los Angeles for those in the computer and gaming industries to meet, greet, demo, impress, and preview their upcoming products. Since my gaming bailiwick is fairly narrow, I was only interested in one of the scheduled press conferences: this evening’s 100-minute presentation from Sony Entertainment, at which they finally allowed the new PlayStation 4 console to see the light of day. The largest physical advantage of the PS4’s new, sleeker, less angular design is that now you can stack things on it. This sounds silly, but the PS3 is built like a car’s dashboard and defies all attempts to use it as a temporary shelf.

Though the press conference began twenty minutes late by my watch, some of the news and notes were well worth the wait. The best announcement of the entire conference, as far as our household is concerned, was Square Enix’s assertion (with preview clip!) that the long-procrastinated Kingdom Hearts III is now in development, after years of stalling and inferior handheld offshoots. I’m hoping this is released long before I reach the age of arthritis attacks. The clock is ticking and the calendar is flipping.

Also generating intense enthusiasm here was a trailer for Final Fantasy Versus XIII, which has likewise been in limbo for years. Following it in the lengthy pipeline are the probably spectacular Final Fantasy XV, plus a retooling of FFXIV, which means less to me because the original FFXIV is one of only two main FF installments I never bothered to try.

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Behold the Future of Chicago Sun-Times Photojournalism

Marvel NOW!, C2E2 2013Hardly an award-winning pic, is it?

When I attended the “Marvel: From NOW! to Infinity” panel at C2E2 last April, I arrived late from another panel and found myself in the back row. I thought covering the panel from an amateur perspective might be a fun lark for one segment of the MCC readership. Unfortunately I back-burnered that part of my C2E2 experience because (a) pro comics-news sites had the panel’s announcements posted online days before I would’ve gotten around to them; and (b) my photos were rubbish.

I’d rather not imagine a world in which I might’ve had a chance of selling this reject for real American money. I enjoy seeing the work of skillful eyes and hands that justly shame me in this area. I doubt few dream of a world in which our news sites and newspapers drop several degrees in visual competence and settle for publishing any available photos to accompany their articles regardless of quality, offering whatever they can scrounge up from overworked reporters or untrained bystanders.

The Powers That Be at the Chicago Sun-Times believe so deeply in this alternate future that they’ve decided to push our timeline forward in that direction. Last week numerous sources reported the venerable institution dismissed all 28 of its staff photographers (including one Pulitzer winner) as a cost-cutting measure and announced plans to offer smartphone photography lessons to its staff reporters, who clearly had too much time on their hands and needed extra busywork to keep them from turning into total goof-offs.

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An Old Man’s Excuses for Not Hoarding Digital Music

Mp3 icons

Why browse through someone’s full-sized collection of vinyl cover art when you can peruse a strictly formatted collection of charmless Windows icons instead?

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover, I waxed verbose about my long-standing like/loathe relationship with commercial radio, the medium that lured me into Top-40 fandom in my pre-teen years and spurned me from high school to the present.

One digression was left unexplored due to issues of relevance and length:

My reluctance to embrace MP3s would require an entry in itself. Short answer: not at this time, but thank you for the option.

Far be it from me to let a promise of digression remain unrequited.

I recognize that digital music has numerous advantages over CDs and its precursors, but I have yet to embrace iTunes or to fill multiple external hard drives with jams for a variety of reasons. Some of them may sound tired and overused; most are conclusions I reached over the years after repeated bouts of personal deliberation. Continue reading

A Perplexing Day with Commercial Radio, My Longtime Recurring Nemesis

107.9, Indianapolis radioYou know something’s afoot when you turn on the shower radio at 6:45 a.m. and hear Anne Murray crooning “O Come, All Ye Faithful”. Or maybe it was Julie Andrews.

I spend a minute or so trying to name the singer, ignoring for a moment that the radio was celebrating Christmas in May. The guessing game ends when the mystery diva is succeeded by Wham!’s “Last Christmas”, for which I have no use even in December. Somewhere in Indianapolis, either a DJ is greatly amusing himself, listener requests have taken a bizarre turn in the hands of joyous off-season mob rule, or Skynet is taking over the airwaves as part of a truly twisted master plan and doing a terrible job of acting naturally.

I’m not a morning person and my brain isn’t a morning organ. The confusion sown by my early-morning background noise inspires my brain to awaken more quickly than usual. Now it has a mystery to solve.

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