MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #18: “The Flash”

The Flash!

Of all twenty-six pilots in this series, I had more mixed emotions about The Flash in advance than I did any of the rest. When I began collecting comics at age six, Barry Allen was one of the first heroes to teach me about truth, justice, and sequential numbering in long-running comics. I still have issues #270-350, along with the first 200+ issues of Wally West’s subsequent series (including the weirdly numbered Zero Hour and DC One Million crossovers). The first time he came to TV in 1990, I’d taped nearly every episode on VHS years before DVD was a thing, and when it became a thing and the show was eventually granted its release, finally getting to see the legendarily preempted Captain Cold episode was, pardon the expression, pretty cool. Until several years ago, I was a longtime fan of the Flash legacy.

I entered with trepidation into his new vehicle produced by The CW, purveyors of the frequently aggravating Smallville, which left me with so many negative emotions that to this day I still haven’t convinced myself to try a single episode of Arrow because I assumed the results would be similar or worse. (I haven’t forgotten Birds of Prey, either. Yikes.) Knowing that The Flash was a direct spinoff from a show I’m not watching didn’t encourage me, nor did the announcement that both shows are already planning their first crossover (ugh). Insert obligatory reference here to other problems with translating DC heroes to other media, especially movies.

But it’s on the list. So I gave it a try. And I was happy to be surprised. (Fair warning to anyone who hasn’t seen it yet: one paragraph in this entry covers the specific subject of Easter eggs. If you’re a fan of those and plan to savor them as a surprise someday, consider this your courtesy spoiler warning.)

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“Sleepy Hollow” 10/13/2014: Pasty Piper Packed a Peck of Prickly Perils

Abbie Mills!

I’d normally add a silly caption to this pic of Abbie holding a bone flute, but I’m having trouble thinking of anything humerus.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Lt. Abbie Mills and Ichabod Crane chased after a coin that turned townspeople to the Dark Side; we met Nick Hawley (Matt Barr), greedy magic-item hunter; Irving was moved to Tarrytown Psychiatric but learned his defense attorney is the Horseman War; and, speaking of which, Henry is Sleepy Hollow’s newest, evillest, busiest shyster — none more qualified to teach young deviants How to Get Away With Murder.

In tonight’s new episode, “Go Where I Send Thee…” Jenny Mills, Katrina Crane, the Horseman, and meddling Captain Reyes are benched for the week while Our Heroes meet a new foe — a whirling dervish with a familiar name, an ancient vendetta, supernatural swordsmanship, and an edgy tune for the kids.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #16-17: “Black-ish” / “Mulaney”

Black-ish!

Don’t look at me for a caption. They got this covered.

In this corner, a onetime almost-movie star who has his own Food Network show! In that corner: a former SNL writer with some standup comedy experience! These two sitcoms have almost nothing in common, not even their ratings. I watched the pilots for both a while back and procrastinated doing anything with my notes…until now.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #13-15: “Gracepoint” / “Murder” / “Stalker”

Gracepoint!

Our Heroes prepped for their roles by attending a seminar on “Surviving an American Remake of a European Series” and then reading viewer complaints about The Killing.

This very special, pretty unwise MCC project continues!

I’m combining three entries in one for simple bookkeeping reasons. See, some MCC entries get Likes from fellow WordPress users. Some MCC entries see an uptick in site traffic. Some rare MCC specimens are blessed enough to garner both. Up to this point most of the MCC 2014 Pilot Binge entries have been earning neither. Even spammerbot accounts are looking at them and thinking, “This no good! We go spam other bloggers! You call when you go back to posting photos! THEN we link you to counterfeit Louboutins long time!”

I refuse to quit the project because that’s the kind of mule-headed fool I am, even if means more TV viewing discomfort. A few pilots may still merit individual entries in the future, but I’ve received the message loud and clear that not every impression I have is worth 700-1,000 words. It doesn’t help that my tastes are sometimes confounding and governed by peculiar guidelines. Regardless, we’ll see what we can do with this silent input and go from there.

And now, a few words on three pilots about MURDER.

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“Sleepy Hollow” 10/6/2014 (spoilers): Silver Malignings Playbook

From the Judas Mint!

Collect twenty-nine more of these and you can trade in for one corrupted Apostle, or wait till you see what’s behind Door #2…

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Captain Irving was committed to Tarrytown Psychiatric for easier visitation rights and unknowingly signed a contract with War in blood; Jenny Mills was sent back to jail by Abbie’s clueless new boss; Our Heroes reassembled Ben Franklin’s American Frankenstein using Death’s skull, but forgot to put a leash on it; and Ichabod’s wife pitched her new spinoff Katrina Crane, Spy Witch, which might have a shot when Fox pulls the plug on Utopia.

In this week’s new episode, “Root of All Evil”, family secrets are revealed, money is the bad guy, small-town law firms are shady, trust is a commodity, and Crane recoils from an abomination that the rest of society too easily tolerates: men who wear hats indoors.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #12: “Bad Judge”

Bad Judge, Worse Show.

“Time for karaoke! Where do we start? ‘Bad Reputation’? ‘I Am Woman’? ‘Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves’? ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T’? Or something by the Fray?”

In case the title Bad Judge was a little too shorthand and didn’t prepare you, the pilot is quick to give you everything you need to know to form your own snap judgment and recuse your TV from the rest of the proceedings. I assume it owes some gratitude and royalties to either Bad Teacher or Bad Santa, but I really wouldn’t know and intend to stay ignorant of all such likenesses.

Before I continue, I suppose I could add a courtesy spoiler alert for anyone who’s saving this mistrial on their DVR for a rainy, thundering, frog-pouring kind of day. The element of surprise certainly didn’t help me out.

…so, where were we?

MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #11: “Manhattan Love Story”

Manhattan Love Story.

“So, while we’re trapped on this boat and there’s nowhere you can hide, and no other ABC show you can run to…wanna make out in front of the crew?”

It’s a common story a lot of us have watched unfold before. Dudebro meets flighty gal. Dudebro mocks flighty gal. Dudebro scares away flighty gal. Dudebro tries to make it up to flighty gal. Dudebro ticks off flighty gal. Dudebro kisses up to flighty gal with weak, music-free Say Anything nod. Flighty gal gives him yet another chance because the producers mandated a happy ending. According to the new ABC sitcom Manhattan Love Story, that’s modern true love at its finest!

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“Sleepy Hollow” 9/29/2014 (spoilers): Poor Richard’s Avenger

Ichabod Crane!

Sleepy Hollow DVD set: $50. Ichabod Crane T-shirt: $25. Watching Crane tear new holes in the credit card industry on network TV: priceless.

Previously on Sleepy Hollow: Crane and Abbie escaped from Purgatory with assistance from her sister Jenny, stymied Jeremy/Henry’s plans to aid Moloch in leading a zombie invasion into our dimension, and taught us all how Benjamin Franklin could be an annoying old perv.

This week’s new episode, “The Kindred”, sees an old friend returning, a new monster birthing, a new supporting character ruining things, and our man Crane denouncing not one but two modern industries for their dehumanizing practices. If you think your grandparents complain too much about things these days, just imagine how cranky they’d be after a two-century nap.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

…

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #10: “NCIS: New Orleans”

NCIS New Orleans!

I’d never seen a single episode of any previous NCIS products, but I was bound to encounter one sooner or later. In the fine tradition of Law & Order: Trial by Jury and CSI: New York and Here’s Lucy, NCIS: New Orleans is the third in the dynasty and presumably goes through the same motions as its predecessors, except with differently likeable actors and, I’m guessing based on location, a whole lot more local color, by which I mean the kind of Southern accents Hollywood flat-out dislikes. In most movies and TV shows, anyone with a Southern accent is evil, stupid, both, or Academy Award Winners Reese Witherspoon and Matthew McConaughey. Our NCIS:NO Heroes are appreciably none of the above, though I confess Louisiana is one of several states my wife and I haven’t road-tripped to yet, so I have no idea if there’s a single authentic Cajun, Creole, French-American, or Mardi Gras partygoer in the entire bunch.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #9: “Forever”

Forever!

The only new fantasy/sci-fi series of the Fall 2014 season that’s not based on a comic book, the hero of Forever, a Manhattan medical examiner who’s also a 200-year-old immortal, could’ve been adapted from the medium, using either DC Comics’ Immortal Man or Vandal Savage, or Marvel’s Mr. Immortal from the Great Lakes Avengers. Instead this mash-up derived from the crossed bones of the much more popular Sleepy Hollow and Sherlock will have to rise or fall on the strength of some added flourishes and the charms of star Ioan Gruffudd, who’s much more at ease here than he was as the uptight Reed Richards in the two Fantastic Four films.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #8: “Scorpion”

Scorpion!

Midlife Crisis Crossover calls Scorpion the Best New Series on TV!

That’s my honest assessment based purely on how its pilot stacked up against the nine others I’ve watched so far in my ongoing marathon. When I first read about the premise — the short version is, our government pays wacky hackers to save the world every week — my initial impression was a CSI: Big Bang Theory that would have depressing things in store for me. I feared the limited plot possibilities that would be solved every episode with some combination of “Let’s Enhance!” zooms and frenetic compute-offs in which Our Heroes must TYPE FASTER OR ELSE THINGS EXPLODE, all while we point and laugh at their personal defects. The first twenty minutes of the pilot saw my prophecy fulfilled for the benefit of CBS viewers who prefer that their shows look exactly like other CBS shows.

Then a strange thing happened during the back half of the premiere. This time, things got personal for me.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #7: “Gotham”

Penguin!Sorry to join the party so late! Everyone else already watched the premiere of Gotham days ago on Fox and blogged, tweeted, Tumblr’d, or tin-can-on-a-stringed about it to all their circles, right? If everyone else is already over it, that means I can write whatever I want without fear of anyone reading it, right? Okay, cool. The way my week has gone, I’m considering using this space to update our grocery list and gauge its effect on site traffic.

For those who spent this week focusing on other things, or who don’t care about shows based on comics: Gotham tells the story of a young, stringy, ineffective toady named Oswald Cobblepot who spends his life groveling for a notorious crime lord and wishing people would stop bullying him. The ending has already been spoiled because fans of comics or old TV know Cobblepot will someday outgrow his ineptitude and mature into the formidable businessman known as the Penguin. Gotham, then, is his origin story, plus a half-dozen irrelevant subplots about far less interesting people.

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“Sleepy Hollow” 9/22/2014 (spoilers): The Franklin Hints

Moloch!

Moloch prepares to play Johnny Zombieseed.

And we’re back! It’s September 22, 2014, and the second season of Sleepy Hollow has launched at last. Midlife Crisis Crossover previously brought you same-night recaps of each of the thirteen Season One episodes as they aired, using the best resources available to me as an amateur non-journalist who doesn’t earn complimentary advance review copies or go rooting around for pirated sneak-peeks. I watch; I pause for thought and breath; and then I type as quickly as I can before my brain collapses long after bedtime. It’s just this thing I like to do.

When last we left Our Heroes, Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) had been buried alive by the Sin-Eater Henry Parish, a.k.a. his long-lost son Jeremy Crane (John Noble), grown old and evil and promoted to the rank of War, the second of the Four Horseman. The First Horseman, Death, a.k.a. the fabled Headless Horseman, as embodied by Crane’s former best friend Abraham Van Brunt, had taken prisoner the woman they both love, Crane’s witch-wife Katrina (Katia Winter), who had been freed from Purgatory by swapping places with Crane’s partner and present-day best friend, Lieutenant Abbie Mills (Nicole Beharie). Abbie was left stranded in Purgatory and trying not to be murdered by the Big Bad behind all the evil, the demon Moloch (currently played by Derek Mears, a former Jason Voorhies), who’s trying to find a way to wage war on our world despite all the interdimensional traveling limitations.

Meanwhile, Abbie’s sister Jenny (Lyndie Greenwood) was left unconscious in her flipped SUV after a Horseman attack. Abbie’s commanding officer Captain Irving (Orlando Jones) is in jail for the murder of one of his officers. The real murderer was a demon who had possessed the body of Irving’s wheelchair-bound daughter Macey (Amandla Sternberg), but that sort of information doesn’t play well in an ordinary police interrogation.

That brings us to the season-two premiere: “This is War”. For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #6: “Madam Secretary”

Madam Secretary!

Longtime MCC readers should know, putting it inadequately, that politics are not my thing. Tea Leoni is okay by me, but I knew ahead of time her new CBS political drama Madam Secretary might have a hard time holding my attention. I tried it nonetheless as part of the MCC 2014 Pilot Binge Project and found a fair number of upsides. For one, I enjoyed seeing the always-contrarian Zelkjo Ivanek rebound from the cancellation of NBC’s Revolution. Also: Keith Carradine is the President of the United States of America. It’s the sentence America wants and needs.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #5: “A to Z”

A to Z!

Serendipity meets (500) Days of Summer, with an added twist for people who like lists, in the new series A to Z, one of NBC’s additions to its ailing Thursday comedy lineup. The title holds a double meaning: the cute couple under scrutiny, played by Ben Feldman (whose Michael Ginsberg was last seen being carried off Mad Men in a stretcher) and Cristin Milioti (How I Met Your Mother), are named Andrew and Zelda. As described to the audience by narrator Katey Sagal, the series will detail their entire relationship “from A to Z”.

And when she says “entire”, she doesn’t just mean in-depth; it’s an implied time-bomb countdown to The End. Continue reading

MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #4: “The Mysteries of Laura”

Mysteries of Laura!

The hard-knock life of an undercover officer.

Debra Messing is back on network TV! She’s po-lice! She’s Mom! Debra Messing is…POLICE MOM!

Have you been dying for a a return to the glorious absurdity of Sledge Hammer! and Police Squad, even if the absurdity is unintentional? Do you lie awake at night wondering why Lifetime never greenlit a series based on the Miss Congeniality movies? Are you tired of shows like The Wire and Homicide: Life on the Street that think real-life, hard-knock police work is more important than magazine makeup or hair care? Then your new favorite show is ready and waiting to make you laugh and cry in all the wrong places.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #3: “Red Band Society”

Red Band Society!

I’ve not yet watched or read The Fault in Our Stars, so I’m unqualified to comment on whether or not Fox’s new terminal-teens drama Red Band Society owes it some debts. Of the twenty-six pilots I’ll be sampling over the next few months, it’s among the small number that I was not dreading. For me the major selling point is Academy Award Winner Octavia Spencer, who was great in The Help, lent Snowpiercer some of its heart, and tore me up inside as the tough-loving mother in Fruitvale Station. I was curious to see her handling a bona fide starring role.

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MCC 2014 Pilot Binge #2: “Selfie”

Selfie!

Hey, that was my face while watching, too! We can totes share the same emoji!

She was Amy Pond and Nebula. He was Sulu and the Headless Horseman’s lackey. Together, Karen Gillan and John Cho could be an unstoppable TV power couple. So how were they lured into starring in the new ABC show Selfie, which feels ready-made for Disney Channel prime-time?

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The MCC 2014 Pilot Binge: Kickoff and First Down

Utopia!

Not a codeword for the new fall TV lineup.

And now for something completely regrettable:

I have a short list of TV shows I follow every year, but I don’t watch nearly as much TV as the average internet user my age. I don’t connect with what many of today’s sitcoms consider “humor”. The Wire ruined all ordinary police shows for me for all time. We don’t subscribe to any premium cable channels. I’m not remotely interested in any show that describes itself as “sexy”. My list of disqualifiers goes on and on.

This year I’ve decided against my better judgment to dare myself to do something different. I spent time this weekend reading the official annual “Fall TV Preview” cover features in the latest issues of Entertainment Weekly and TV Guide, and compiled a list of the new shows that merited full articles or capsule previews. I omitted a few premium-cable shows for the one reason mentioned above (the pirating option is off the table) and a few online-only streaming shows for assorted logistical reasons. That left me with a list of twenty-six TV shows in all.

Right this way for the details…

Top 10 Rejected “Doctor Who” Battle Cries

The 12th Doctor!

The Tenth Doctor, David Tennant, had “ALLONS-Y!” The Eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith, had “GERONIMO!” or sometimes “YOWZA!” The Ninth Doctor, Christopher Eccleston, had…well, mostly he said “Hello!” with a silly grin. For my wife and I, he was our first Doctor, so he gets a free pass.

The last two men to bear the Doctor Who mantle rallied us to their cause as they leaped into various forays with a flick of the sonic screwdriver, a fierce look in their eyes, and a snappy catchphrase to mark the exact moment at which their enemies’ downfall began. With one week to go until the August 23rd season premiere, plenty of questions remain for those of us who didn’t already rush to devour the Season 8 materials that were leaked prematurely onto the internet by impatient killjoys. To me, one question is most intriguing: what words will Peter Capaldi, the Twelfth Doctor, use to inspire us and his allies before running headlong into conflict?

From the Home Office in Indianapolis, IN: Top 10 Rejected Doctor Who Battle Cries:

10. “NORM!”

9. “WHO-WHO-KA-JOOB!”

8. “HASHTAG-VICTORY!”

7. “YES, WE CAN!”

6. “FRIES ARE UP!”

5. “WINNER GETS THIRTY MINUTES IN THE BALL PIT!”

4. “NO MORE DALEKS!”

3. “ASK ME HOW YOU CAN SAVE 15% ON CAR INSURANCE!”

2. “TEQUILA!”

And the number one Rejected Doctor Who Battle Cry:

1. “DOCTOR SMASH!”