Your New Black Thursday Strategy Guide

Christmas toys

If you want to be first in line to buy Christmas presents for your loved ones for nickels on the dollar, even if they’re worth pennies at best, you need to be prepared.

Last year on this site I wrote at length about my frustration with the ongoing dilution of my personal Black Friday tradition. What was once a fun, singular day of people-watching and movie-hoarding has lost its charm for me as retail stores continue to reopen earlier and earlier that weekend to accommodate America’s lust to begin Christmas shopping as soon as possible, even if their Thanksgiving turkey dinner is still digesting and most of their relatives remain unvisited.

Last year’s new fad was for stores to reopen at midnight Friday instead of waiting until Friday’s been up and running for a few hours first. This year, many stores think midnight is too long to wait for shoppers to come fork over all the monies, and are reopening Thanksgiving evening, around the same time that some families are accustomed to holding their Thanksgiving. On the bolder end of the spectrum, Old Navy plans to open on Thanksgiving at 9 a.m. I’m sure they’re not alone in rejecting the holiday’s existence altogether.

Clearly if one wants to win at two-day Black Friday, the old single-day Black Friday playbook needs to be shredded and competitive shoppers need to rethink their strategies. Because, like Black Friday, this new tradition of Black Thursday isn’t just about Christmas survival. It’s about Christmas victory.

How to win Christmas and ignore people!

“Revolution” 11/13/2013 (spoilers): Benedict Grandpa

Elizabeth Mitchell, Tracy Spiridakos, Revolution, NBC

Rachel and Charlie Matheson spend some overdue quality time together, fabricating chemical warfare materials and debating whether Grandpa Gene should live or die.

In this week’s new Revolution episode, “Come Blow Your Horn”, Željko Ivanek continues his scary run as the diabolical Dr. Horn — making Grandpa Gene pogo like a cheap marionette, revealing more about his interest in Aaron’s uncontrolled Firestarter powers, and thankfully doing absolutely nothing that has anything to do with that dreadful episode title.

Continue here for more news from Cape Horn…

2013 Road Trip Photos #18: a Monument for Thanksgiving

After spending the first half of Day Five on the Hyannis Whale Watcher Cruise, we headed back west toward our Boston hotel, but with one more stopover in mind along the way: the town of Plymouth, location of the celebrated area where those stalwart adventurers known in American textbooks as the Pilgrims settled in 1620, established a new life apart from the Church of England, and invented the Thanksgiving holiday that large American department stores have all but abolished.

In 1889, as a salute to those religious pioneers and their works, the National Monument to the Forefathers was erected, albeit originally with the simpler name of “Pilgrim Monument”. It was later renamed to avoid conflict with another structure with that same label in Provincetown, the place on the eastern edge of Cape Cod where the Pilgrims first walked ashore but decided not to stick around.

Over eight stories tall, the Monument isn’t hard to spot from a distance, though internet mapping sites threw a fit trying to navigate us to it. We ended up parking several blocks away and walking because both Mapquest and Google Maps swore it was “just right there.” Liars, both.

National Monument to the Forefathers, Plymouth, Massachusetts

Click here and approach the Forefathers!

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/11/2013 (spoilers): To Catch a Death

Death, Horseman, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

Death doesn’t need eyes to aim!

On tonight’s new episode of Sleepy Hollow, “The Midnight Ride”, all your favorite elements return: the Horseman! John Cho! Action scenes! Shotguns! Crane bemoaning the state of American history classes! Protests over the concept of paying for bottled water! Arguments about that unseemly Sally Hemings story!

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Click here for helpful tips on beating Death!

Yes, There Are Scenes During AND After the “Thor: the Dark World” End Credits

Loki, Tom Hiddleston

Thor? Thor who? Oh, you mean my sidekick?

As in the comics, so in the movies has Thor struggled to stand out as a sympathetic character, a hero for us to cheer on through the quiet scenes as well as the action sequences. Whereas Thor: the Mighty Avenger aimed to give him humanity by trapping him in a podunk, no-FX town and making him literally human, the boisterous sequel Thor: the Dark World tries a different approach: it gives up on making him work as a solo hero in his own right, and treats him as a senior but equal member of an ensemble instead. Call them Avengers: Asgard Coast.

More about America’s favorite Asgardian and his brother Thor…

Star Wars Episode VII and the Joy of Arbitrary Deadlines

C-3PO, Star Wars, exhibit

One of the many lessons we learned from the Prequels Trilogy: C-3PO wasn’t built in a day. (Photo taken at the “Star Wars: Where Science Meets the Imagination” traveling exhibit, which my wife and I saw during its stop in Indianapolis last spring. That exhibit wasn’t built in a day, either.)

Thus the head honchos at The Walt Disney Company have decreed, and thus it is written: Star Wars Episode VII shall be released to theaters on December 18, 2015. Despite pleas from director J.J. Abrams and hopefully any level-headed supporter in earshot, Disney has set this date in stone and insists that, come what may, there will be Star Wars product on the big screen no matter what.

(As a side experiment along this vein, I’m experimenting here with a timed entry. I have sixty minutes to crank out this entry from start to finish, and whatever state it’s in when minute #60 strikes, I hit “Publish” and there will be an entry about this subject no matter what. Fortunately my special effects needs are minimal and rarely outsourced.)

How many thoughts did I complete? Let’s find out!

Five Tracks That Got Me Through Young Stupid Adulthood

alternative rock audiocassettes

Yep. Those are cassettes. This is how old I am.

If I learned anything after the fact from Buffy‘s depressing sixth season, it’s that our early 20s is when we humans are prone to committing our worst mistakes, making our stupidest decisions, missing our best opportunities, undergoing our darkest times, and discovering all the best reasons to fear and loathe ourselves. For many people those were also hallmarks of their teenage years, but I was a late starter on the journey to self-flagellation.

A childhood in which I was raised to “find my own path” (read: wander blindly through life’s shadowy forests without a tour guide or even a working flashlight) left me with very few tools for suffering the worst trials and shouldering the heaviest burdens, too many of which I brought on myself. By age thirty a series of improbable coincidences and extensive rethinking sessions had led me at long last to an illuminated trail that’s taken me toward much more reliable means and sources of support and encouragement than I ever had during my extended, two-time college-dropout phase.

Before I walked that way, all I had was music.

Of all the hundreds of songs that have caught my attention throughout my life, five in particular stand out as rare instances in which I was moved by music, moments of lyrical lucidity and emotional truth that resonated deep down in that mushy core whose existence the common guy denies, moments I returned to again and again for comfort, advice, consolation, deep thoughts, and/or a boost of spirit. These were five solid shots struck at the foundation of the oddly designed structure that passes for my life.

Continue reading

“Revolution” 11/6/2013 (spoilers): the Abominable Dr. Horn

Željko Ivanek, Revolution, NBC

For Doctor Horn, life is a big ball of stibby stabby torturey worturey stuff.

On tonight’s new Revolution episode, “The Patriot Act”, for once Tom Neville’s three scenes were not the only parts I thought were worth watching. I applaud this bold new initiative of making the other characters likeable and occasionally funny.

One key part that definitely worked: the addition of Željko Ivanek as the sinister Dr. Calvin Horn. Before the blackout he toiled away in the Department of Defense’s Alternative Energies Projects division, the same workplace as Ben and Rachel Matheson, whose fault all of this is. He scaled the ladder of post-blackout career advancement and is now “the President’s senior science adviser”, which is more impressive if you accept the Patriots’ as-yet-unseen “President” as the true leader of the withered husk that represents what’s left of America. He doesn’t brook liars, he has his ear on the ground, and he thinks more than one step ahead. He’s not quite up to two steps ahead, but the potential’s in him.

Continue reading

“Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”: Exploring the Possibilities of 0.00001% of the Marvel Universe

Marvel's Agents of SHIELD

Drama! Excitement! Danger! Peaceful forest walks!

Six episodes into Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (not to be confused with, say, Law & Order: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.), we’re seeing little improvements here and there as the writers make up their minds how the camaraderie and rivalries should work between the characters. The series began as an awkward hodgepodge of our man Phil Coulson, Ming-Na Wen (Mulan, ER‘s early seasons), and some extras on loan from the CW, who together felt not nearly scruffy enough to headline a Joss Whedon TV project.

I’m warming a little more to the show as the weeks progress. I’m no longer wishing for Skye the fake-hobo hacker to be dismissed and dropped off at her van down by the river. I’m no longer letting the mystery of Coulson’s alleged clinical death undermine my attention. I’ve stopped nitpicking at how Agent Ward looks 25 but we’re expected to believe he has the acumen and respectability of a 50-year-old war veteran. And I can’t remember the last time I was distracted by an underbudgeted special effect.

One major disappointment still looms: while it’s nice to see them playing with elements of the Marvel movie universe — what’s stopping them from exploring more deeply into the actual Marvel Universe?

(Fair warning: one bit later in this article is a mild spoiler for tonight’s new episode.)

So, about that Marvel Universe…

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/4/2013 (spoilers): Does Sin Taste Like Chicken?

Tom Mixon, Nicole Beharie, Sleepy Hollow

Indignant Minuteman Rages Against Oppressive Umpire.

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow, “The Sin-Eater”, before the flashbacks and the anguish begin, Lieutenant Abbie Mills catches her partner Ichabod Crane up to speed on another important development he missed during his 250 years in magical suspended animation: the invention of baseball. With Abbie’s help our man Crane is barely introduced to the alienating jargon but randomly screaming at players in no time, just like a modern fan. This was why the Revolution was fought.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for tonight’s special guest star!

“Ender’s Game”: Kids Kill the Darndest Things

Asa Butterfield, Ender Wiggin, Ender's GameIf the stakes were catastrophic enough, the training techniques were sufficiently intensive, and the world were just that unforgiving, who’s to say preteens couldn’t be accelerated to maturity and transmogrified into hardened soldiers like today’s eighteen-year-old American military volunteers?

Thus is the foundation laid for Ender’s Game: in a future where millions have perished at the hands of insectoid aliens (the predominant taxonomic class of Hollywood aliens), Earth’s last hope — and who knows how many hopes were wasted before the story begins — lie in an interstellar military system built on targeting the most gifted junior high students for recruitment, instead of the older kids least likely to go to college.

So, about that big-budget sci-fi thingie…

Halloween Stats 2013: Citywide Raincheck Crushes Holiday Spirit

cheap Halloween mascots

My two perennial centerpieces, the disturbing duo of Plastic Faceless Reaper and the Bewildering Spider-Skull . And MCC readers who look closely will recognize a character from a previous entry!

First time in my life, as far as I can recall: this year the city of Indianapolis postponed trick-or-treating until November 1st due to a severe thunderstorm forecast for Halloween night. Considering how the eventual storm left thousands of residents without power for hours, I can’t dispute that it was the right call from a public safety standpoint. Our household was spared the worst of the ostensible onslaught. Our lights blinked once, and one of my Halloween crows fell on its side. If there’s a problem level more insignificant than “first-world problems”, that’s where our threat level fell.

The unavoidable rain delay killed our neighborhood turnout, though.

Click here for dismal results…

The MCC Halloween Archive!

October fire pit

Bring a lawn chair, cozy up to the fire pit, and share an MCC entry or two from last October with the entire family!

As a Halloween extra for Midlife Crisis Crossover readers who’ve joined us within the past year, or for anyone who loves a good rerun, we offer any or all of the following links to last year’s themed celebrations of the season:

* “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Trick-or-Treaters” — In which I give American kids unsolicited advice on how to do their job properly and earn their free junk food with a clear conscience.

* “Pumpkin Flavored Everything” — Of the four (4) pieces of fiction ever attempted in MCC’s 530-odd entries to date, this 1000-word tale about family, obsession, and the Great Pumpkin remains the most-Liked so far.

* “Halloween Stats 2012; or, the Decline of Trick-or-Treating Civilization” — I’ve kept track of our trick-or-treater traffic every year since 2007, when we became first-time homeowners and escaped our old apartment that trick-or-treaters refused to approach. It helps me determine the next year’s inventory, and sometimes I think counting things is fun. Expect a follow-up this year, though a day late because Indianapolis has officially postponed festivities to Friday due to rampant murderstorms in our Thursday night weather forecast. Boo, hiss.

Enjoy! And Happy Halloween!

“Revolution” 10/30/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville vs. the Manchurian Son

Zelkjo Ivanek, Revolution, NBCOn tonight’s new episode of The Tom Neville Show, “Dead Man Walking”, the best scene was shockingly not a Neville scene. Near the very end, a new character rides into the town of Willoughby, a mysterious Dr. Horn whose high-level connection to the Patriots implies big trouble ahead for our man Neville and his gang. I’m excited because, even though all Dr. Horn did this week was literally ride into town and wave hi, he’s played by Željko Ivanek (at right in the above photo), a recurring supporter from the great Homicide: Life on the Street who’s popped into dozens of movies throughout my lifetime and made them better places to be, for at least the span of his own scenes. If Revolution is adding him as a Big Bad, then…well, between him and last week’s strong episode, I may consider being excited about the frequent scenes that don’t have Giancarlo Esposito in them.

Enough about Ivanek. What about this week in Tom Neville news?

Southern Indiana, Autumn Wonderland

My wife and I spent last Saturday deep in the heart of southern Indiana, a land whose most outstanding feature is the autumnal color change that sweeps the forests and lures us city folk from our comfort zones for a spell. If you need a break from your internet addiction, it’s an eye-catching time for it, especially since that entire half of the state is largely off the grid and proud of it.

autumn creek, Birdseye, Indiana

Ooh, more pretty fall leaves!

So You Want to Be a Super Awesome “Freshly Pressed” All-Star

WordPress "Freshly Pressed" badgeA fake reader lurking within my subconscious writes:

Dear Mr. Crossover,

Hello! How are you? I am fine. I have been using WordPress.com for four years. Please follow my blog and reblog all three of my posts so far, because I just Liked a random post you wrote last month without reading it and now you owe me. I have another question. I read your About page and it says you had three different posts on Freshly Pressed, which is a really big deal because it means WordPress likes you best. I think that’s really unfair and you didn’t deserve it and I want to know your secret. How can I be more like you and get Freshly Pressed so that I can become famous and everyone will like me and then I can write for Hollywood and make enough money to buy your website and set it on fire and run over the ashes in my new Humvee? Also, I nominated you for a Liebster Award and I will Follow you if you Follow me.

Sincerely,
N.V.S. Strawman
Exposition, WY
http://ripoffsweatshopfashions.wordpress.com

Dear Mr. Strawman,

I wish you hadn’t asked, but I can tell you what I’ve learned from the experiences that changed my life forever and made me Hero of the Internets. As you begin reading, prepare to rethink your entire existence piece by piece, until every second becomes retroactively spectacular from Day Zero onward.

Click here for handy tips on how to be me!

2013 Road Trip Photos #17: Open Sea, Infinite Horizon

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Several different Cape Cod companies offer whale-watching cruises. Your family boards a large boat with dozens of other passengers, spends an hour circumnavigating the Cape, spends another hour or two in the nearest part of the Atlantic Ocean searching for signs of whales, seeks every possible opportunity to gaze upon a real whale in the wild, and spends another hour returning to port. Their cruises are short, fast, and noncommittal compared to your average week-long Alaskan cruise. If you have no real reason to remain out to sea for days, it’s a much more affordable open-water sampling method.

Even if the Hyannis Whale Watching Cruise had turned out whaleless, the voyage itself off the Cape into the nearest reaches of the Atlantic Ocean was a fascinating experience for our family of landlubbers. Our landlocked homeland is hundreds of miles from the nearest ocean, and we certainly don’t have any whale pods conveniently hanging out in Lake Michigan.

whale watching, Cape Cod

Venture forth into the tumultuous waters of the Atlantic!

The Mantis (With Apologies to Poe)

The Deadly Mantis

Once upon a weekday dreary, one that ended with us bleary,
Still we persevered to complete every forgotten chore
As my wife, who got home first, often has the workload worst
Let out the dog before he’d burst, burst right through the door
“Hold on, already!” she muttered, “First let me at the door —
Then you’ll go, and not before.”

For dog’s sake she flung the entry, when, while standing there as sentry,
Nearby hung a praying mantis about as tall as Tipper Gore
Perhaps a slight distortion make I, but it looked her in the eye
It, with mien of calm and cool, perched right on our outer door —
Perched upon the squeaky hinge that held fast our outer door —
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

(Continued…if you dare!)

A Photo Salute to the Little Things About Baseball

night game, Louisville Bats, Victory Field, Indianapolis

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Anyone who knows me is well aware of my aversion to sports… [but] a boon from my employer facilitated tonight’s very special date with my wife at fabulous Victory Field, home of the Indianapolis Indians, our local minor-league baseball team.

(We took many photos for sharing, but the night and I are no longer young. Another time for those, I think, along with the story of how I earned those free tickets…)

I later shared the story of how I earned the tickets, but tonight we present the long-missing conclusion of the Great MCC Baseball Trilogy — i.e., those photos I said I’d share. With the 2013 World Series underway this week, pitting our old pastor’s favorite team against the guys from Fever Pitch, now seemed as good a time as any to recapture that date night my wife and I spent at Victory Field. Our best photos focused largely on the ephemera surrounding the showdown between our Indianapolis Indians and the Louisville Bats. We were more intrigued by the details around the edges rather than by the game itself. We’re weird, atypical Americans like that.

That’s not to say the game didn’t have its moments. Night games in particular are fun for me at Victory Field, chiefly because this was a rare excuse for me to remember what nightlife looks like. I’m not one for barhopping or full-price matinees, and nighttime is when all the best TV shows are on, not to mention it’s my key time slot for internet typing. Diversions from routine can be invigorating, though.

This way for more ballgame memories…

“Revolution” 10/23/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville on Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Giancarlo Esposito, Nicole Ari Parker, Revolution, NBC

Tom Neville, Defender of Wagon Force One!

On tonight’s new episode of Neville and the Revolution, “One Riot, One Ranger”, it’s promotion time for Our Hero once again! This time he didn’t even have to try — just wandered near Secretary Allenford’s wagon at exactly the right moment. Sometimes even a master planner needs a helping hand from blind luck.

Read more about his three (3) scenes tonight!