Disney World! Part 13: The EPCOT World Showcase Showdown

Statue of a blue knight and a gray horse atop a tall, narrow pedestal in the center of a life-size replica German town square.

St. George and his horse prepare to fight an unseen dragon in the middle of EPCOT’s German Pavilion.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

My tour of the southern end of EPCOT kept going and going as the walkways took me through one simulated country after another in their World Showcase — more exhibits, more gift shops, and more flashy architecture that’s either iconic or stereotypical depending on your emotional relationship to the subjects at hand.

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Disney World! Part 12: EPCOT’s World of Japan

A Japanese gate and dragon sculpture in front of a lagoon. EPCOT's fireworks setups are visible on the horizon and would become important later.

Japan’s share of the World Showcase Lagoon shore.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Most of my EPCOT experience was spent dawdling in the World Showcase, a combination outdoor international shopping mall and museum complex, subdivided into eleven nation simulations across four of the seven continents. Guests can learn about their cultures, sample their cuisine, buy their merchandise, and decide for themselves which bits are authentic carryovers and which are fun stereotypes. All the artifacts, curios, and souvenirs were doubtlessly vetted by multiple committees, but opinions will nonetheless vary among subscribers to the “Death of the Curator” interpretive theory.

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Disney World! Part 11: EPCOT’s World of England and Her Favored Subject Canada

A Shakespeare bust on a 5-foot-tall pedestal standing in the middle of a garden and manicured bushes along walkways. Flowers are purple and yellow-orange.

Fun trivia; English citizens use Shakespeare busts in their gardens the same way we Americans use scarecrows.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Most of my EPCOT experience was spent dawdling in the World Showcase, a combination outdoor international shopping mall and museum complex, subdivided into eleven nation simulations across four of the seven continents. Guests can learn about their cultures, sample their cuisine, buy their merchandise, and decide for themselves which bits are authentic carryovers and which are fun stereotypes. All the artifacts, curios, and souvenirs were doubtlessly vetted by multiple committees, but opinions will nonetheless vary among subscribers to the “Death of the Curator” interpretive theory.

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Disney World! Part 10: Living with the Land

Garden inside a geodesic dome. Centerpiece is a purple sphere of flowers atop a 5-foot wooden post. A sign reads, "Living on the Land's Edible Flower Garden".

In the Edible Flower Garden, purple is a vegetable!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

One billion Disney-branded blogs out there in the monetized social-media spheres are more than happy to tell you the details of their thrill-ride experiences and boast about the joy of living large without fear of motion sickness. Sure, EPCOT has its share of astronaut training modules for civilians, but I was content to explore its other identity as an outdoor international shopping mall and museum complex, like a smaller Washington DC minus the politicians. I’ve already recounted my initial EPCOT escapades on Spaceship Earth and the more jolting, more IP-forward Ratatouille ride. But at a certain stage in adulthood, sometimes you just want an easy comfort ride that barely counts as a “ride”.

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Disney World! Part 9: The EPCOT International Flower & Garden Festival 2023

Topiary sculptures of Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Pluto, Chip and Dale.

Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Chip and Dale welcome you to springtime, Disney style!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

One of the highlights of my EPCOT solo tour was their International Flower & Garden Festival. Each springtime since 1994 artisanal crews have bedecked the park with topiary sculptures of various characters from all throughout the Disney multiverse. I have no idea whether or not I stumbled across all of them, but I felt I captured a lot, as those shapely leaves were everywhere I turned.

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Disney World! Part 8: Welcome to EPCOT

EPCOT's Spaceship Earth geodesic dome looming high about the crowded park entrance gates in the morning.

At last I would see the world’s largest golf ball for myself.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Lo, there shall come at long last an actual Disney Theme Park in this saga! Well, for one of us, anyway.

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Disney World! Part 7: Our 50th Anniversary Gold Statue Scorecard

Gold statues of kid mariachi hero and happy ghost dog, in the middle of a garden. A lagoon is in the background.

It’s Miguel and Dante from Pixar’s Coco! And they’re golden!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

As glimpsed in previous chapters, in 2023 Disney World celebrated its fifty years in business, one year younger than me. Among the myriad commemorations was the “Disney Fab 50 Character Collection”, dedicated September 15, 2021. 36 gilded statues starring 50 characters from the biggest brands in the Disney IP portfolio were scattered throughout all four parks. The “Disney Fab 50 Quest” encouraged fans to see how many familiar gold faces they could spot throughout their vacation(s). Any superfan who splurged on a Disney MagicBand+, an electronic bracelet designed to unlock special features throughout the Disney World lands, could wave it at each statue for interactive responses.

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Disney World! Part 6: Lights Across the Lagoon

Distant fireworks over water. Red Mickey head, ears drooping.

The closest shot I got to officially Mickey Mouse-looking fireworks.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

After my one-man tour through the Grand Floridian grounds and around the Disney Resorts’ monorail track, I had three reasons for an early retreat to our room: (1) exhaustion from the long day; (2) I’d run out of things to do around the grounds and barhopping isn’t my thing; (3) I was curious whether we could watch fireworks from the convenience of our luxurious view across Seven Seas Lagoon.

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Disney World! Part 5: Disney Easter Eggs

Large egg with nearly two dozen Disney characters painted on it.

No, I mean this kind of Disney Easter egg.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

During the late afternoon of my one-man tour through the Grand Floridian grounds and around the Disney Resorts’ monorail track, in their main lobby I came across what’s apparently an annual Easter feature in their Main Building: an exhibit of egg-shaped sculptures honoring their companies’ films and theme park rides. Some weren’t egg-shaped, instead containing egg motifs. Some were new for 2023; some were holdovers from the past. A few were works-in-progress. All were a gentle admonishment to myself that, yes, I’m sharing these pics well outside the Easter 2023 season when we took them, but in plenty of time for Easter 2024, skipping right over Valentine’s Day and getting ahead of Hallmark for once.

Not all the pics are mine; Anne finally got a chance to peruse the Grand Floridian for herself Wednesday afternoon when she found some unexpected free time between activities and I was several miles away. Between the two of us, we found most of the Easter eggs, which of course weren’t really “hidden”.

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Disney World! Part 4: Party of One v. Party of Many

Nighttime shot across a lagoon. On the far shore is a tiny blue castle and a practically neon hotel. The moon shines brightly through a hazy sky, At left is a pier empty but lit.

Far from other tourists, this was my view across Seven Seas Lagoon of Disney’s Contemporary Resort. The glowing blue mountain is Cinderella’s Castle.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Our Disney Resort experience had only just begun. We’d been together all day, but wouldn’t be for long. Among the divergences in the four-day itinerary, Anne had to attend an “evening event” for employees only beginning at 5 pm at the Grand Floridian’s Convention Center. We plus-ones were cordially asked to go bug off on our own recognizance. At first I’d worried about possibly spending my solo night sulky and depressed. It’s a thing I do sometimes.

Then I remembered I was at DISNEY WORLD. I had some light exploring to do before my big, big day tomorrow.

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Disney World! Part 3: Three Nights in Boca Chica

me smiling in front of a view of a lagoon with a ferry zipping by. I'm wearing my two Lando shirts.

Your humbled narrator, who’d rarely stayed this close to scenic waters in past vacations.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

After 90+ minutes of going stir-crazy on the convention center’s patio despite free snacks, we were at last escorted to our room in Boca Chica, the building at the Grand Floridian’s eastern edge on the bank of Seven Seas Lagoon. Renovations were completed in fall 2022 to upgrade the rooms to a Mary Poppins theme, apropos of the resort’s Victorian-chic ambiance. Fortunately we weren’t required to wear Sunday suits or hoop skirts.

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Disney World! Part 2: Welcome to the Grand Floridian

A fountain in an outdoor courtyard in front of a fancy four-story hotel with red roofs and palm trees out front.

This isn’t a setting where people like us hang out. This is where Higgins gives Thomas Magnum his latest case.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

After landing at Orlando International Airport, we wandered a bit in search of the exit where Anne’s employers (hereafter referred to as The Company) had arranged for a charter bus to pick us up. We stopped to ask an NPC for directions, but misunderstood and took three passes to spot the turnoff — a down-escalator in a narrow, unmarked passage with no up-escalator twin next to it. At the bottom we found the doors, checked in with company reps, took off our now-superfluous winter jackets, and hung out in the lobby for a bit with a fellow employee Anne knew from another department. Soon our plushly seated chariot arrived and spirited us off to the resort where we’d be staying for the next three nights, which would prove the poshest place we’ve ever stayed in our lives.

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Disney World! Part 1: A Grand Prize Trip to Orlando

Anne wearing business clothing and standing in the concourse of Indianapolis International Airport next to the large letters N, D, and Y.

Anne the lucky winner, photographed by the guy who’s lucky to be by her side for 19 years and counting.

Welcome to the launch of a brand new MCC miniseries!

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Our 2022 Road Trip #32: The Final Four Photos and the Outtakes

The deeply forested Green Mountains from afar on a brightly cloudy day. Someone's house is in the lower right corner; a waterway runs diagonally along the mountain bases.

DAY FIVE: One last shot of those lush Green Mountains, along the road north from Quechee Gorge to Montpelier.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Since 1999 Anne and I have taken one road trip each year to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. We’re geeks more accustomed to vicarious life through the windows of pop culture than through in-person adventures. After years of contenting ourselves with everyday life in Indianapolis and any surrounding areas that also had comics and toy shops, we chucked some of our self-imposed limitations and resolved as a team to leave the comforts of home for annual chances to see creative, exciting, breathtaking, outlandish, and/or bewildering new sights in states beyond our own, from the horizons of nature to the limits of imagination, from history’s greatest hits to humanity’s deepest regrets and the sometimes quotidian, sometimes quirky stopovers in between. We’re the Goldens. This is who we are and what we do.

For 2022 we wanted the opposite of Yellowstone. Last year’s vacation was an unforgettable experience, but those nine days and 3500 miles were daunting and grueling. Vermont was closer, smaller, greener, cozier, and slightly cooler. Thus we set aside eight days to venture through the four states that separate us from the Green Mountain State, dawdle there for a bit, and backtrack home…

…and it’s long past time for us to get there in this, the season finale. Before we get to the last mini-gallery for the last day of our trip, we take a look back at where we started with a selection of outtakes from the first six days. Why only six out of eight? Because by the time I got around to recounting Day Seven, I was pretty much posting everything there was, far as you might care. Anyway: enjoy!

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Our 2022 Road Trip #31: Cuyahoga, Gone

Anne smiling and standing on a rocky cliff, but it's surrounded by the tops of tall trees so it looks safer than it is.

All those tall trees behind Anne disguise the fact that beyond this ledge it’s a long, long way down.

Eight days and one Cleveland later, we were exhausted and ready to go home, but stopped for one last tourist attraction anyway. Given all our choices along the way through Ohio, what better place for one last collection of outdoor greenery than The Only National Park in Ohio? It was no Green Mountains in Vermont, but then again, what is?

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Our 2022 Road Trip #30: The Cleveland Wahlbergs

Anne with a huge smile hoisting a mug of orange Creamsicle. On the table is a Wahlburgers menu.

After a long week Anne enjoys the refreshing taste of an orange Creamsicle float. (Nonalcoholic, natch.)

Once we again we’re winding down another travelogue with chapters nowhere near as exciting as the ones in the middle. The very design of our vacations and my insistence on chronological storytelling together mean pretty much every MCC miniseries ends anticlimactically. Not once have we driven 4-to-20 hours out of town and scheduled the biggest and best attraction as the very last thing we do on our way home. If you’ve remained a longtime reader, I trust you understand the nature of the pastime.

Cleveland first appeared in our lives in 2004, when my car broke down on our way home from Niagara Falls. C-Town had a stronger costarring role in our 2013 adventures, replete with stops at a rockin’ museum, a Christmas movie house, an iconic comic-book legend’s house, the second-tallest Presidential burial site we’ve seen to date, and a memorial statue I helped fund. That was a good set of experiences.

This year, Cleveland was an anticlimax again. In some ways it wasn’t their fault. Some ways.

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Our 2022 Road Trip #29: Room for Jell-O

Two old "Jell-O Fun Barbie" sets, mint in box with dolls, Jell-O packets, and pink molds.

Barbies love the taste of Jell-O! One of many pop culture icons to embrace Jell-O corporate synergy throughout the years.

We had several hours of driving to do on Day Seven, but it’s no fun to spend an entire day only driving. After we’d finished having our kind of fun in Utica, our next stop down the road was a four-mile digression off the New York State Thruway with a very special museum that we hoped would entertain us for at least a few minutes. In that sense our timing estimate was pretty accurate. But hey, they say there’s always room…

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Our 2022 Road Trip #28: Utica’s Golden

A shiny gold dome amid several tall buildings on a cloudless day.

New York has a cool gold dome like numerous other states, but it’s neither in their capital nor on their capitol.

Fun trivia: billboards have been banned in Vermont since 1968 — one of four states to do so, along with Maine, Alaska and Hawaii. Among other benefits, their lawmakers’ efforts definitely helped improve all those Green Mountains pics we’ve posted throughout this series. Alas, not long after we crossed the border back into the east end of New York State, we found ourselves in the middle of another batch of mountains covered in lush forests from peak to base, but with one (1) great big Denny’s ad in the middle, jutting out like a zit newly erupting on a teenage forehead an hour before prom night.

Moving past that, upstate New York had more sights we actually wanted to see, including a return engagement with a city that got short shrift on one of our previous road trips.

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Our 2022 Road Trip #27: Rutland on the Way Out

A mural painted on a brick wall depicting Batman busting through the wall. Flying next to him is a griffin with a superhero-stylized "G" on its chest.

Detail from the mural Batman vs. Griffin by Kathryn Wiegers.

As a comics collector since age 6, I’d love it if every single one of our vacations made time for at least one comics-related stop. Sadly that’s a rare theme among those who start up new tourist attractions that aren’t amusement parks. Once upon a time, our next stop in Vermont used to have deep connections with the wild world of superhero comics. I’d hoped to enjoy evidence of that, but we got the impression the place just isn’t the same anymore. The same, I’m sure, could be said of many places we’ve been, but my hopes were perhaps a bit too high going in.

Because I insisted we make time for it, Rutland ended up as the last city we visited before we left Vermont. It was not our favorite.

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Our 2022 Road Trip #26: Country Time with Coolidge

Calvin Coolidge's tombstone has two tiny flags and some pink flowers standing in front of it; evergreen bushes behind it.

Part 25 also led off with a tombstone, but this one is real.

Longtime MCC readers may recall one of the recurring motifs in our past vacations was the final resting places of Presidents of the United States of America. In fact, one trip was dedicated specifically to the task of spotting nine such gentleman in a row. They’re not all winners, but they went down in American history as official Presidents, for better or worse, so they count. Prior to 2022 we’d visited the gravesites of 23 U.S. Presidents in all. When last we left off, in 2021 we visited Herbert Hoover’s final resting place in Iowa and compiled a list of all the Presidential gravesites we’d seen up to that point. As it happens, Vermont has one that we had to visit before we headed home.

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