Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 11 of 12: Chattanooga Rock City

Lookout Mountain!

Hiking the Appalachian Trail for hundreds of miles is one way to see the mountains. Or you can settle for these spiffy decks up Lookout Mountain.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Driving through the Appalachian Mountains and/or its various spinoffs on our way to Florida had been one part traffic ordeal, three parts staring at sightly scenery. For the return trip we knew we had to view some of that ruggedness up close. Lookout Mountain, right around the Chattanooga area and nearly reaching 2400 feet in elevation, was the perfect opportunity for one last round of exploring the sort of stupendous terrain we don’t have back home in Indiana. Granted, we have caves not unlike Ruby Falls (and we have better photos of one of them). But mountains in general are nearly as foreign to us flatland Hoosiers as Martians.

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Marsh Supermarkets: Marked Down, Then Marked Out

Everything Must Go!

Mild discounts or not, some shelves were emptier than others. A quick check of the salsas confirmed anything bearing Guy Fieri’s face was still 100% in stock.

Once again another piece of my childhood is on the chopping block.

Once upon a time, Marsh Supermarkets was one of the largest grocery chains here in Indiana. They were my family’s weekly provider mostly because two of their locations were our closest options, and they seemed to have a better selection than the Kroger stores in our area. Or maybe Marsh was cleaner. Or had prettier newspaper ads. Come to think of it, neither Mom nor Grandma ever explained to me why we went there. We just did, and that was good enough for me. Come next month, they’ll be no more.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 10 of 12: Murky Mountain Hop

Twilight Zone!

You are entering a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. Actually, this one will be mostly mind. This chapter may require more from your imagination than usual.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

The end is nigh! We’re two states from home and planned nothing to do inside Kentucky. Lucky for us Tennessee has plenty of features and attractions speckling all its mountains in every direction, some of which we have yet to visit. Some future road trips may see us hit the Great Smoky Mountains, Memphis, Knoxville, or Dollywood.

As for 2007, we ended the trip at a single mountain with two missions, one above and one below.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 9: All Drive and No Play

McBistro!

You know your vacation has hit a snag when a stop at McDonald’s is the most interesting part of your day.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

On the penultimate day of our 2007 vacation, we learned another lesson that hadn’t occurred to us in our previous experiences. We were swift to institute a new rule in response for the future: never schedule an eight- to ten-hour drive without planning a single interesting stop along the way. Immobility and boredom proved to be a dreadful tag team on our return through Georgia.

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Adam West 1928-2017

Adam West and Burt Ward!

That time two Dynamic Duos met at Awesome Con Indy 2014.

Saturday morning, Anne and I were at a major event waiting to meet TV’s Dean Cain when news broke that the Adam West had passed away at 88 from leukemia. At first we didn’t believe it. Whether we’re in a small town or a big city, whether we’re among fellow geeks or ordinary folks, that’s the kind of allegation we don’t accept at face value.

“To the phones!” I half-jokingly shouted as we both clicked to our most trusted sources for confirmation. Alas, it was true. The moment was depressing yet sublimely absurd — here we are in line for Superman only to have someone tell us Batman is dead.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 8: The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Atlantic Ocean!

…not exactly Hawaii Five-0, is it.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Many Hoosiers will never see an ocean in their lifetime unless they find or make the opportunity to travel outside Indiana and quest for one. Anne first had the chance as a teen when her grandma took her on her first true road trip to Maine, where the Atlantic Ocean awaited her at the foot of one of those cliffs where heroes tend to have fatal fight scenes.

Over two decades later, it was my turn to see an ocean for the first time.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 7: Space, So Near Yet So Far

Explorer!

As of 2007 the Space Shuttle Explorer was docked in Florida, and we were there. Extra points to experienced Highlights readers who can spot me and my son up there.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Longtime MCC readers are no strangers to spaceflight imagery, from the Kansas Cosmosphere in 2012 (link and link) to the Space Shuttle Enterprise‘s temporary residency in Manhattan as of 2016, American space travel has proven quite the must-see whenever we’re in one of its neighborhoods. None were larger or more captivating than the original Kennedy Space Center.

If you have the opportunity to see it yourself one day, do so. But make sure you see it all. And keep in mind you can’t do it by yourself. Literally.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 6: The Universal Experience

Universal Studios!

From the mists of time, at the edge of the world, one man shall rise above the rest and go ride stuff hopefully without throwing up.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Obsessive readers should note the following entry was foreshadowed at the start of our 2003 road trip, the first time my son traveled with us after I assumed full-time custody. Also previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

The custodial transfer process was perfectly, divinely timed to coincide with Spring Break in his previous school system and Spring Break in our school system, two back-to-back weeks in which he stayed with his aunt while I got things sorted on my end. For half of that, he was treated to a road trip to Orlando, where he and his cousins enjoyed the heck out of Universal Studios and Walt Disney World. They also dutifully experienced EPCOT as they were told. (As of this writing, Anne and I still haven’t been to Disney World. Someday it’ll be our turn.)

We knew for our Orlando trip we had to do a theme park, but only had money and time enough for one. We left the decision to my son, the Orlando theme park veteran in our household. He declared Universal the best of the bunch, but he thought Disneyland was just-okay. When The Simpsons took its first jab at EPCOT (Homer: “Awwww, it’s even boring to fly over!”), he responded to the TV, “They’re right.”

Thus on his say-so did we declare: the Goldens are going to Universal Studios!

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 5: Gobblin’ Gobblin’ Gators

Naptime!

Woe betide any jester who thinks it’d be awesome to toss an alarm clock into the middle of naptime.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Every time we brought my son on vacation in the early days, we tried to tailor at least one stop more for him than for the adults. Zoo Atlanta fit the bill nicely, but it wasn’t our only stop for wildlife on this trip. There’s something to be said for a site that offers a particular specialization, especially when there’s a chance of genuine, teeth-baring animal action.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 4: Florida is for Explorers

Palm Tree!

Mandatory palm tree pic. Just getting it out of my system.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Florida! Every family wants to go there. A lot of families and college kids can’t get enough of it. Our first in-person looks at the glamorous Sunshine State reminded us of every movie and TV show ever filmed there. Beyond the beaches and the theme parks, closer looks revealed details that don’t make it into the Hollywood stories. In some cases that’s for the best.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 3: Mandatory Zoo Visit

elephant!

A zoo where elephants enjoy their own version of Walden Pond? Sure, why not.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Longtime readers have seen the title before. If you don’t know the drill, it’s not hard to figure out. We had time for just one stop on Day Two in Atlanta, which gave us a nice option for crossing “zoo” off the to-do list. It was certainly one of the most sylvan zoos we’ve ever visited, and we had the privilege of seeing one set of very special guest animals that were only in town from overseas for a limited time. It was incentive enough.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 2: Signs of Georgia

Giant Peanut!

Behold the World’s Largest Peanut, according to the good people of Ashburn, Georgia. Also possibly the World’s Most Hypoallergenic Peanut.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

When most people think “road trip” in the fanciful sense, they imagine a long drive through a scrolling sideshow of creative oddities, specialized museums and giant-sized objects and whatnot. Some American interstate landscapes are boring and not worth treasuring — the grassy plains, the heavily commercialized thoroughfares, the forests that look exactly like ours back home, those scenery-censoring noise-canceling barriers that have become the norm in cities whose residents have grown sick of hearing or looking at cars. In some unfortunate areas you can drive hundreds of miles between points of interest while your camera lies undisturbed and nestled in your pocket lint.

We still need to devote a vacation to Georgia itself someday rather than just passing through like we did in 2007. But even in passing, the way south didn’t lack for eye-catching displays.

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Our 2007 Road Trip, Part 1: When Dinosaurs Ruled the South

T-Rex Attack!

“CALM DOWN, KID! I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU HOW YOU CAN SAVE 15% ON YOUR CAR INSURANCE.”

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. Beginning with 2003’s excursion to Washington DC, we added my son to the roster and tried to accommodate his preferences and childhood accordingly. The next few vacations worked for all of us as a family to varying degrees, but for 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, he was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.

Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!

Today we kick off yet another special MCC miniseries representing the original travelogue from our 2007 drive from Indianapolis to Orlando, Florida. Some hindsight editing will be included along the way as part of the “special edition” processing. Enjoy!

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The Class Upgrade: Our 2007 Road Trip Prelude

House!

Y’know those snazzy upscale homes that rule all the best magazine spreads? Yeah, that’s not who we are or what we do.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: in recent weeks we’ve been sharing the stories of our annual road trips that we undertook before I launched MCC in April 2012. Starting from the beginning and working our way forward, so far we’ve covered 1999 to 2005; our 2006 trip to Wisconsin and Minnesota was remastered before its 2014 sequel. That brings us to 2007, another year that brought two major changes to our lives. They didn’t affect our travels, but they gave us better reasons to want to return home.

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Our 2005 Road Trip, Part 10 of 10: Familiar Gateways

Gateway Arch!

Bonus points to any longtime MCC readers experiencing deja vu right about now.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to the first installment of another special MCC miniseries, representing the original travelogue from our 2005 drive from Indianapolis to San Antonio, Texas, and back again in far too short a time…

Eight states, seven days. That was our goal. San Antonio is roughly 1,145 miles from Indianapolis, the second-farthest point we’ve ever visited away from home, a minimum 17-hour drive without obstacles. The eternal specter of road construction ensures intermittent hassles and delays no matter how many contingencies you plan.

By the end of our week we were exhausted and exasperated, tired of highways and ready once again for the comforts of home…which was still hundreds of miles away. In a smart move our Day 6 itinerary concluded with a kind of special attraction we’d never before stopped to see on any of our previous road trips: family.

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Our 2005 Road Trip, Part 9 of 10: Oklahoma!

Buffalo Bill!

Leonard McMurry’s “Buffalo Bill” welcomes you to the wonderful world of the wild, wild West!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to the first installment of another special MCC miniseries, representing the original travelogue from our 2005 drive from Indianapolis to San Antonio, Texas, and back again in far too short a time…

State #5 on our seven-day, eight-state journey had its pros and cons, but at least we can say we crossed it off our list of states to visit. To its credit, unlike our home state of Indiana, it’s had its own famous musical. We haven’t watched it yet, but I expect we’ll get to it someday and develop a deeper appreciation for the Sooner State, or at least understand a few more pop culture references. I’m assuming it generated some, anyway. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a famous musical if everyone forgot the songs ten minutes later, right?

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Our 2005 Road Trip, Part 8 of 10: Dr Pepper Picked a Place for Prepping Peppers

Dr. Pepperbot!

Dr Pepper-bot welcomes you to Waco, not to Westworld.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to the first installment of another special MCC miniseries, representing the original travelogue from our 2005 drive from Indianapolis to San Antonio, Texas, and back again in far too short a time…

I’d love to say our whirlwind tour of Texas was a two-week sightseeing spree through all the major cities you’ve heard of from movies and TV, but time didn’t permit and they’re not all in a straight line five miles apart. (Houston and Corpus Christi were particularly disappointing to miss because at the time we knew folks who lived in each.) If all our Plan A’s had worked out, right about here would be a bonus chapter on our first expedition into Mexico, but time didn’t permit and two of us three travelers chickened out. Part of me is also annoyed at past-Me for skipping out on any Austin research altogether, but time didn’t permit because we hadn’t earned enough vacation time in our respective office jobs to take more than the single week we’d set aside.

But as always, we did the best we could with what we had to work with. And if that meant taking a slight detour to go Be a Pepper, so be it.

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Our 2005 Road Trip, Part 7 of 10: Total Texas Taxidermy

Moose and Us!

The oddest thing about this moose photo op is that I have no memory of the shirt IM’ wearing in it. Once I started regaining lost weight in the years ahead, it was probably first into the Goodwill bag.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to the first installment of another special MCC miniseries, representing the original travelogue from our 2005 drive from Indianapolis to San Antonio, Texas, and back again in far too short a time…

As you get older it’s always interesting to look back through your old photos, recall past occasions spurred by visual stimuli from the photos you saved, and kick yourself for the pics you either lost over time or never took in the first place. Searching our personal archives in preparation for this remastered miniseries got a bit annoying when I realized we had five times as many dead-animal pics as we did live-animal pics. The disparity between this entry and our San Antonio Zoo visit was no intentional slight on our part against the Lone Star State or its perception of animals.

Or maybe at age 33 I just thought stuffed animals were more fascinating than live ones like what we have back home at the Indianapolis Zoo. Honestly, we’ve been to our own zoo so many times, we probably have enough shots to make our own flipbook of the animals aging in real time. But creatively posed ex-critters? That’s, like, different. I guess?

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Our 2005 Road Trip, Part 6 of 10: Riverwalk Wanderlust

San Antonio Riverwalk!

If you think the only Texas greenery are tumbleweeds and tobacco, the San Antonio Riverwalk begs to differ.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to the first installment of another special MCC miniseries, representing the original travelogue from our 2005 drive from Indianapolis to San Antonio, Texas, and back again in far too short a time…

Our hometown of Indianapolis has its own Downtown Canal Walk, patterned after similar, larger pathways developed and fostered in other states. There’s something about a swath of nature cutting through the heart of civilization’s artifices and escorting tranquility and beauty into an otherwise hard-shelled environment. Anne and I have also visited riverwalks in Pueblo and in Milwaukee, but my favorite is still the first one we did through faraway San Antonio. Once we started up its staircases and across its bridges, it wasn’t long before wanderlust kicked in and I wanted to see every path through to its end, or as far as they’d take us before we collapsed in the dry Texas heat.

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Our 2005 Road Trip, Part 5 of 10: Remembering the Alamo

Alamo Morning Anne!

Before you ask, no, they wouldn’t show us the basement, just gave us some poppycock about having no such thing. It’s probably for VIPs only.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Welcome to the first installment of another special MCC miniseries, representing the original travelogue from our 2005 drive from Indianapolis to San Antonio, Texas, and back again in far too short a time…

Before making any plans for 2005 we’d asked my son if there was any particular place he’d like to visit within a reasonable driving distance. His first qualifying suggestion off the top of his head was The Alamo. That fleeting thought became the centerpiece of our 2005 vacation planning. To this day he doesn’t remember the suggestion, why he would’ve chosen it, or most of this week in his life in general. But his wish was granted, even if “wish” was too strong a word.

One odd find: as I was digging through boxes to compile our 2003 vacation keepsakes a couple months ago, I came across an ad on the back of our souvenir Smithsonian Museum program that, in the grand scheme, could be interpreted as foreshadowing of this trip. Who knew.

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