“Revolution” 1/29/2014 (spoilers): The Fight Club Job

Bret Michaels, Poison, Revolution, NBC

Humanity’s lived for fifteen years without electric guitars, CD players, or iTunes, and yet hair metal refuses to die.

Tonight’s new Revolution episode, “Happy Endings”, featured a very special cameo by the first known celebrity to survive the blackout: reality-TV star and Poison frontman Bret Michaels! When three of Our Heroes travel to the sideshow campground of New Vegas, Michaels appears as himself, alone on a tiny outdoor stage, cradling his acoustic guitar and lip-synching “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” while the original single plays as background music. Yes, folks, while humanity tears itself apart, all the Top-40 hits of your teenage years will live forever, even without a recording medium to preserve them.

This way for a sad, sad song…

“Revolution” 1/22/2014 (spoilers): It’s Not Lupus

Revolution

One of the tense researching scenes from tonight’s CSI: Willoughby.

Tonight’s new Revolution episode is titled “Captain Trips”, another in the show’s long line of references to Stephen King’s The Stand, which in turn referenced Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead. It was also the name of a drug-fueled super-hero from George R. R. Martin’s Wild Cards shared-anthology series, which blew me away when I was a teenager, even though I might’ve been grounded for a decade if my mom knew about the content.

I’d much rather rattle on about that etymology chain than cover tonight’s main story about the town of Willoughby suffering from the heartbreak of widespread typhus. As I previously complained when it was Sleepy Hollow‘s turn to use the epidemic plot device back in October, “Diseases can be a really dull antagonist.”

So is it really typhus?…

“Sleepy Hollow” 1/20/2014 (spoilers): All Roads Lead to War

Jenny Mills, Lyndie Greenwood, Sleepy Hollow

As soon as the finale was over, rest assured Jenny Mills was on the internet within minutes, registering her incredulity throughout the world.

Tonight’s season finale of Sleepy Hollow — a mind-bending double-feature of episodes called “The Indispensable Man” and “Bad Blood” — meticulously scrutinized the previous eleven episodes, pulled out all the proper nouns, and then decided to see how many of them it could throw into a blender and pulp together before time ran out.

You want surprises? Man, did we get surprises…

“Revolution” 1/15/2014 (spoilers): The Passion of the Bass

David Lyons, Mat Vairo, Revolution, NBC

Welcome to “NBC Team-Up” starring Bass and Kid Bass!

NBC’s Revolution continues its vacation across the border with tonight’s new episode, “Mis Dos Padres” (“My Two Dads”). When last we left Our Heroes, former dictator Sebastian “Bass” Monroe had just been captured by his long-lost son Connor, who was raised to adulthood in a Mexican cartel, leaving Miles and Rachel to hatch an escape plan even though Rachel would rather leave him to rot, or possibly murder him herself if they didn’t need him to help save Willoughby from the Patriots. Though tensions run high in the fictional town of Puesta del Sol (“sunset”), once again the needs of the many outweigh the seething grudge of the few.

So, about that escape plan…

“Sleepy Hollow” 1/13/2014 (spoilers): the Power of Salt and Vintage Ghost Traps

Demon Jenny Mills, Lyndie Greenwood, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

You think your sister has issues…

Tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow episode, “Vessel”: a French demon revealed, a new tape from the Sheriff Corbin archives, modern exorcism tropes, dry cleaning, the word “boondoggle”, and the one moment that Ichabod Crane ‘shippers never thought they’d live to see.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for spinning heads and flying little girls…

“Revolution” 1/8/2014 (spoilers): Everyone Loves Li’l Sebastian

David Lyons, Sebastian Monroe, Revolution

Sebastian Monroe, voted Father of the Year by no one ever.

Revolution is back from its December hiatus with tonight’s new episode, “The Three Amigos” — a tale of father/son bonding, grandfather/granddaughter quality time, husband/wife faith put to the test, not one but two wagonjackings, and Aaron running away yet again because it’s what he does best.

Make way for the Son of Bass…

“Sleepy Hollow” 12/9/2013 (spoilers): What Ever Happened to Baby Crane?

Henry Parrish, John Noble, Sleepy Hollow

Henry Parrish looks at Rupert Giles and laughs, “Now THIS is a reference book!”

Tonight’s new episode of Sleepy Hollow, “The Golem”, spoils a little of its own mystery in the title alone. Regardless, you’ll never see a few twists ahead in an overstuffed episode that covers the secret origin of Baby Boy Crane, an interview with Katrina’s jailers, the return of John Noble as the sin-eater, and your vocabulary words for the week, “gumplefik” and “gongoozler”.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

…

This way for the tale of one bad baby…

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/25/2013 (spoilers): the Stalker Made of Stalks

Tom Mison, Sleepy Hollow

Only one network show is daring enough to bring you a haunted-house episode for Thanksgiving. (No, not Hawaii Five-0.)

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow episode, “Sanctuary”, the Horseman had the evening off, but that doesn’t mean Thanksgiving is a federal holiday for all evil. Moloch’s handprints are all over this sordid tale of a haunted house, a fictional founding father, a family secret, the Pilgrims’ available culinary options, and the impersonal touch of the McDonald’s drive-thru.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Click here for another terrifying tale of Tarrytown!

“Revolution” 11/20/2013 (spoilers): Patriots are a Superstitious, Cowardly Lot

Sebastian Monroe, David Lyons, Revolution, NBC

I am vengeance! I am the night! I haven’t had a bath in weeks!

In this week’s new Revolution episode, “Everyone Says I Love You”…well, the title’s a bit of an overstatement. Dr. Horn loves no one. The Patriots love no one. Monroe loves no one, though he might love his long-lost son if Miles ever reveals where he is. If the nanobots love anyone, they’re not telling. Yet.

Love is in the air! And nanobots! And possibly death!

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/18/2013 (spoilers): the Secret Origin of Death

Death, Horseman, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

So you’ve caught Death. Now what do you do?

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow episode, “Necromancer”: he’s more than a Horseman, yet subservient to the demon Moloch. You’d think him eternal, and yet he bears quasi-mortal form. It’s the story we’ve been waiting for: who is Death and why is he doing these terrible things?

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

For any parent whose child has ever asked, “Where does Death come from?”…

“Revolution” 11/13/2013 (spoilers): Benedict Grandpa

Elizabeth Mitchell, Tracy Spiridakos, Revolution, NBC

Rachel and Charlie Matheson spend some overdue quality time together, fabricating chemical warfare materials and debating whether Grandpa Gene should live or die.

In this week’s new Revolution episode, “Come Blow Your Horn”, Željko Ivanek continues his scary run as the diabolical Dr. Horn — making Grandpa Gene pogo like a cheap marionette, revealing more about his interest in Aaron’s uncontrolled Firestarter powers, and thankfully doing absolutely nothing that has anything to do with that dreadful episode title.

Continue here for more news from Cape Horn…

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/11/2013 (spoilers): To Catch a Death

Death, Horseman, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

Death doesn’t need eyes to aim!

On tonight’s new episode of Sleepy Hollow, “The Midnight Ride”, all your favorite elements return: the Horseman! John Cho! Action scenes! Shotguns! Crane bemoaning the state of American history classes! Protests over the concept of paying for bottled water! Arguments about that unseemly Sally Hemings story!

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Click here for helpful tips on beating Death!

“Revolution” 11/6/2013 (spoilers): the Abominable Dr. Horn

Željko Ivanek, Revolution, NBC

For Doctor Horn, life is a big ball of stibby stabby torturey worturey stuff.

On tonight’s new Revolution episode, “The Patriot Act”, for once Tom Neville’s three scenes were not the only parts I thought were worth watching. I applaud this bold new initiative of making the other characters likeable and occasionally funny.

One key part that definitely worked: the addition of Željko Ivanek as the sinister Dr. Calvin Horn. Before the blackout he toiled away in the Department of Defense’s Alternative Energies Projects division, the same workplace as Ben and Rachel Matheson, whose fault all of this is. He scaled the ladder of post-blackout career advancement and is now “the President’s senior science adviser”, which is more impressive if you accept the Patriots’ as-yet-unseen “President” as the true leader of the withered husk that represents what’s left of America. He doesn’t brook liars, he has his ear on the ground, and he thinks more than one step ahead. He’s not quite up to two steps ahead, but the potential’s in him.

Continue reading

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/4/2013 (spoilers): Does Sin Taste Like Chicken?

Tom Mixon, Nicole Beharie, Sleepy Hollow

Indignant Minuteman Rages Against Oppressive Umpire.

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow, “The Sin-Eater”, before the flashbacks and the anguish begin, Lieutenant Abbie Mills catches her partner Ichabod Crane up to speed on another important development he missed during his 250 years in magical suspended animation: the invention of baseball. With Abbie’s help our man Crane is barely introduced to the alienating jargon but randomly screaming at players in no time, just like a modern fan. This was why the Revolution was fought.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for tonight’s special guest star!

“Revolution” 10/30/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville vs. the Manchurian Son

Zelkjo Ivanek, Revolution, NBCOn tonight’s new episode of The Tom Neville Show, “Dead Man Walking”, the best scene was shockingly not a Neville scene. Near the very end, a new character rides into the town of Willoughby, a mysterious Dr. Horn whose high-level connection to the Patriots implies big trouble ahead for our man Neville and his gang. I’m excited because, even though all Dr. Horn did this week was literally ride into town and wave hi, he’s played by Željko Ivanek (at right in the above photo), a recurring supporter from the great Homicide: Life on the Street who’s popped into dozens of movies throughout my lifetime and made them better places to be, for at least the span of his own scenes. If Revolution is adding him as a Big Bad, then…well, between him and last week’s strong episode, I may consider being excited about the frequent scenes that don’t have Giancarlo Esposito in them.

Enough about Ivanek. What about this week in Tom Neville news?

“Revolution” 10/23/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville on Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Giancarlo Esposito, Nicole Ari Parker, Revolution, NBC

Tom Neville, Defender of Wagon Force One!

On tonight’s new episode of Neville and the Revolution, “One Riot, One Ranger”, it’s promotion time for Our Hero once again! This time he didn’t even have to try — just wandered near Secretary Allenford’s wagon at exactly the right moment. Sometimes even a master planner needs a helping hand from blind luck.

Read more about his three (3) scenes tonight!

“Revolution” 10/16/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville and the Corporate Ladder of Evil

Tom Neville, Giancarlo Esposito, Revolution, NBC

Born down in a dead man’s town! The first kick he took was…and so on.

On tonight’s new episode of Giancarlo Esposito’s Revolution, “Patriot Games”, Tom Neville teaches us all an important lesson about office politics: never let your evil supervisor stand between you and the evil promotion you deserve.

Read more about Neville, the people’s antihero!

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/14/2013 (spoilers): the Chaucer Whisperer

Sleepy Hollow, Fox

BIG ICHABOD IS WATCHING YOU. Even though he has no idea how it works.

The fifth episode of Fox’s Sleepy Hollow, “John Doe”, tosses a few new elements in with some things missing from recent escapades. Ichabod reunites with Katrina; a new Horseman steps onto the game board; another early American legend is revealed as more than it seemed in your history classes; and, as with such movies as Outbreak, we confirm that diseases can be a really dull antagonist.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Continue reading

“Revolution” 10/9/2013 (spoilers): Tom Neville for Your Oscar Consideration

Tom Neville, Giancarlo Esposito, Revolution, NBC

If the show must keep swiping episode titles from sources cooler than it is, then “Looking Down the Barrel of a Gun” was a missed opportunity.

On tonight’s new Revolution episode, “Love Story”, Tom and Jason Neville agree on one thing: for the death of the late Julia Neville to be avenged…Tom and Jason Neville must die!

Follow along with their five minutes’ worth of scenes…

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/7/2013 (spoilers): That Distracting Tea Party

Item 37, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

What lies within…Item 37? (Hint: it’s bigger than a breadbox, smaller than the Ark of the Covenant.)

As with last week, the fourth episode of Fox’s Sleepy Hollow contains no Horseman, no witches, no Katrina or her time loop, and no Clancy Brown flashbacks (except in one telling photo). This week was jam-packed with movement nonetheless, including a key piece of info we’ve been dying to know since episode one. The focus of tonight’s “The Lesser Key of Solomon” is squarely on the broken relationship between Abbie and her sister Jenny, who escaped from the asylum last week with an agenda of her own.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

So…who wants to learn the Big Bad’s true name? Show of hands?