Disney World! Part 21: Toy Story Land

Roller coaster shaped like Slinky Dog rides 20+ feet in the air over a walkway that looks like a video game racetrack. It has circular arches; the front one says "GO!"

The Slinky Dog Dash coaster! No, we aren’t on it.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day to do whatever we wanted in Disney World vicinity, whether it was riding rides or just wandering around them. Other options included Disney Springs or just wallowing at the Grand Floridian’s spa facility. Some options were more tempting than others.

We’d dallied for so long in Galaxy’s Edge that everyplace else in Hollywood Studios had crowded up in the meantime. We next sauntered north to Toy Story Land, Star Wars’ next-door neighbor geographically and corporate-family-wise. Much of the area is for the kiddos, but grown-ups have options, too. After escaping the First Order and piloting the Millennium Falcon our inner whirligiggish sens-o-meters were at max capacity for a while. We middle-agers were plenty entertained walking around this alt-universe showcase of what Andy’s bedroom might’ve looked like at worm’s-eye-view if he’d been jointly cloned from Frank Lloyd Wright and Pee-Wee Herman.

We loved the designs of the rides, the buildings, the statues, the muchness of it all. We were intoxicated with that long-lost sensation we used to get every time Pixar made a new film.

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Disney World! Part 20: The Museum of Star Wars

Full Rey desert costume including goggles and face mask, plus big fictional speeder parked behind her. Exhibit backdrop is a nighttime desert with a rich, bluish-purple sky.

One of Daisy Ridley’s Rey costumes and her speeder.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except for a single day off to enjoy together from dawn to dusk. Galaxy’s Edge was of course our feature presentation and favorite part of the entire vacation, but it wasn’t the only place to find Star Wars in Hollywood Studios. Up on the northwest side of the park, their Animation Courtyard section held Star Wars Launch Bay, a low-key gallery of props, vehicles, posters, miniatures, and other arts sprung forth from the collective Lucasfilm imagination. The building itself was removed from the main thoroughfares and a bit depressing with its all-black walls and minimalist adornment apart from the objets d’art themselves. It was a stark contrast from the rest of the uniformly eye-popping park and sparsely attended. It was arguably a good place for a time-out for guests who could use mental-health intermissions away from overpopulated theme-park hubbub.

On the “pro” side: it was more sights to see from, of, and about the Star Wars. Consider it extra credit to the interactive Galaxy’s Edge experience, albeit a few blocks down the road from all those superior, more lavishly exhibited areas.

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Disney World! Part 19: Postcards from Galaxy’s Edge

Anne standing in front of the Galaxy's Edge area that looks like a bunch of alien shops influenced by Asian designs.

A bazaar of the bizarre!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…but we absolutely made the most of her one day off, starting with the fabulous space neighborhood of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. We never thought we’d see it person, yet here we were. The Millennium Falcon ride was pretty great and Rise of the Resistance was THE BEST, but Galaxy’s Edge is more than just a souped-up space carnival. It’s…well, okay, it’s an extremely souped-up space carnival. It’s an opportunity for Star Wars fans like us (rather noticeable on this site throughout the years) to feel transported to that one galaxy out there and explore its worlds up close like a window-shopping anthropologist.

Well, some of its worlds, anyway. We saw no signs of Dagobah, Kamino, or Mustafar. Sand was in far shorter supply than on Tatooine, though the architecture was similar. Maybe they hired the same design firms as Jakku and Scarif. And the buildings were a little too short and scruffy for Coruscant. I also doubt Florida would’ve been the proper place to recreate Hoth, unless this was a faithful rendition of Hoth in summertime. We’ve all just assumed the entirety of Hoth was Space Antarctica for however many months its years have, but what if we only saw it in wintertime and it in fact offers some wondrous tropical vacation climes in some other hemisphere that Lucas didn’t bother to show us? Then again, maybe there used to be a Hoth section, but they pulled the plug on it sometime before March 2023 because it was using too much freon and Disney needed some funds freed up to hire more lawyers to punch Ron DeSantis in the face. I’m sorry we missed it.

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Disney World! Part 18: Star Wars: Millennium Falcon – Smugglers Run

My wife gesturing wildly at the life-size Millennium Falcon parked far behind her. In the background are massive canyon walls. A few other tourists mill about.

It’s the ship that made the Kessel Run in twelve parsecs! Usually it takes fifteen unless your ship can handle the Vogon hyperspace bypass!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

…especially not on our very special Star Wars date-day!

Sure, Rise of the Resistance may or may not have been the greatest theme park ride in world history, but it wasn’t the only Lucasfilm tribute that Hollywood Studios offered. After our honorable discharge from the Resistance and some overdue breakfast (which we’ll cover in a later chapter), our next obvious stop was Millennium Falcon – Smugglers Run.

The intergalactic flight simulator lets fans pretend they’re Han and Chewie, or Lando and Nien Nunb, or Rey and Finn, or Rey and Chewbacca, or Ralph and Alice Kramden going bang-zoom to the moon. It’s up to you whatever role-playing you can manage jointly in your heads while you’re being buffeted by lights and sound effects and stomach-churning vibrations, and managing the interactive tasks assigned to you. Every rider gets to be a Millennium Falcon crew member!

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Disney World! Part 17: Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance

Shiny Death Star chamber with vaulted ceiling and dozens of Stormtrooper mannequins standing before a fake bay window viewing space.

I’ve got a great feeling about this!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

…except on Thursday. That was her one free day, all play and no work. She’d be asked to suffer no business meetings, no HR-mandated activities, no coworker chitchat, and no miss-you-SO-much text exchanges miles apart juxtaposing my solo adventures with her expertly catered drudgery. The Wednesday evening captive dinner was the nadir of our trip, but the next morning was The Best.

Five years ago we attended Star Wars Celebration Chicago, where the exhibit hall featured a sneak preview of Disney World’s extravagant, then-upcoming new attraction, Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Hollywood Studios. An entire corner of that park was terraformed into a full-scale recreation of that world-famous far-faraway galaxy. Rides! Ships! Shops! Props! Merch! Environments! Cosplaying “cast members”! Long lines just like at the theater! The convention preview was fancy and entertaining, but we kept our enthusiasm in check. We’d already been to Florida once, visited the other Orlando theme parks, and didn’t plan a Florida encore anytime soon. Of course we dreamed of one, preferably before retirement while we could still walk under our own power, but it seemed pretty doubtful at Disney World prices. We figured by the time we did come back, Galaxy’s Edge would be long gone and replaced with, like, Doc McStuffins Village or whatever.

A lot can change in five years. And, to our shock, did. Their overpriced Star Wars-themed hotel was history, but Galaxy’s Edge was still there, waiting.

Pretty much within the first minute of our trip planning, we’d known where and how this day would begin: STAR WARS!

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Disney World! Part 16: Prisoners of EPCOT

At night Spaceship Earth's giant golf ball turns indigo with white lights on each pinpoint.

“THERE IS NO WAY OUT!” I imagined an evil alien broadcasting telepathically to me from the very core of Spaceship Earth.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

When I began my one-man tour of EPCOT with awkwardness and a little anxiety, I’d asked myself going in, “What’s the worst that could happen?” We found our answer there Wednesday night.

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Disney World! Part 15: EPCOT’s Harmonious

blue purple fountains lights silhouettes of zebra and elephant in profile

The Circle of Life…after dark!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Before we recount what happened with the company dinner at EPCOT, it’s important and calming for me to focus first on the most breathtaking part of that long Wednesday evening. At 8:30 p.m. all of us guests were ushered from the banquet facility on the park’s west edge to a centralized, gated party space on the north shore of World Showcase Lagoon. Snacks and booze were offered while we were treated to the 9:00 showing of the park’s resident closing-time light show, a 30-minute program called Harmonious. A synchronized, beauteous onslaught of fireworks, fountains, spotlights, kaleidoscopic effects, oddly shaped screens on floating platforms, songs familiar and unfamiliar, and a barely discernible narrative. It’s all you could want from the end of an amusement-park day and more.

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Disney World! Part 14: The Last Worlds of EPCOT

Shiny ride entrance with giant metal plants sitting outside it. The largest one is purple and over 30 feet tall. The building is made entirely from curved metal, including one arc that ends in midair above the roof.

Mission Space, one of many rides I skipped.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Touring EPCOT solo felt less lonely and awkward as the day wore on and I got used to it. I couldn’t linger too much longer, though. Anne’s company had scheduled a celebratory dinner for all employees and their plus-ones at 5 p.m. The exact location was TBA, traditionally kept secret every year until hours beforehand. One of Anne’s coworkers was a previous winner whose shindig was held in Disney’s Animal Kingdom. There was no guaranteed hers would do the same, but if it were, that would mean we’d indeed get to see all four Disney parks in Orlando on the same trip. We crossed our fingers and hoped for the convenience.

In the meantime, I had a few more sections of EPCOT to see.

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Disney World! Part 13: The EPCOT World Showcase Showdown

Statue of a blue knight and a gray horse atop a tall, narrow pedestal in the center of a life-size replica German town square.

St. George and his horse prepare to fight an unseen dragon in the middle of EPCOT’s German Pavilion.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

My tour of the southern end of EPCOT kept going and going as the walkways took me through one simulated country after another in their World Showcase — more exhibits, more gift shops, and more flashy architecture that’s either iconic or stereotypical depending on your emotional relationship to the subjects at hand.

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Disney World! Part 12: EPCOT’s World of Japan

A Japanese gate and dragon sculpture in front of a lagoon. EPCOT's fireworks setups are visible on the horizon and would become important later.

Japan’s share of the World Showcase Lagoon shore.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work. Not ME, baby…

Most of my EPCOT experience was spent dawdling in the World Showcase, a combination outdoor international shopping mall and museum complex, subdivided into eleven nation simulations across four of the seven continents. Guests can learn about their cultures, sample their cuisine, buy their merchandise, and decide for themselves which bits are authentic carryovers and which are fun stereotypes. All the artifacts, curios, and souvenirs were doubtlessly vetted by multiple committees, but opinions will nonetheless vary among subscribers to the “Death of the Curator” interpretive theory.

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