Our 2004 Road Trip, Part 9 of 10: Canadian Critter Cavalcade

Killer Whale!

A much more charming killer whale encounter than when I saw Orca: The Killer Whale at the drive-in at age 5.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Once upon a time in 2004, Anne and I got married and had a honeymoon! A week later, we (and my son) embarked on our fifth annual road trip: a drive northeast from Indianapolis up to see the watery wonders of Niagara Falls and its adjacent tourist traps.

Before our return to America and the long drive home, we just had to hit one more large-scale attraction in Canada. Sure, we could’ve hiked a beautiful Canadian forest, found another river as inspiring as the Niagara, learned some Canadian history in a vintage mansion tour, or gone shopping at an authentic furrier. Instead we took my son’s preferences into consideration and came up with…a zoo.

But not just any old zoo, mind you.

I wish I meant that as more of a compliment.

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New Scenes from Our Annual Christmas Convention

Marilyn Monroe lights!

Vendor booths? Check. Creative bling? Check. Famous movie characters? Check!

Each November my wife and I take her grandmother to Indianapolis’ own Christmas Gift & Hobby Show at the Indiana State Fairgrounds. When we checked out this year’s model last month, the event was on its 67th year; Mamaw is on her 91st and still going strong. The Show provides a variety of shopping opportunities and entertainment activities, some of which began to remind us in not-so-subtle ways of our favorite geek conventions. This show doesn’t have nearly the scope or the attendance of C2E2 or the Indiana Comic Con, but we had to wonder if the new showrunners picked up an influence or two from our scene.

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“Relax! It’s easy!” says the dog.

Lucky!

I took a four-day staycation the week before Thanksgiving, but any therapeutic benefits were nullified days ago by the nonstop holiday weekend, the long work week that followed, and the little family dramas encroaching on various fronts. I’m under orders from my wife to get some rest this weekend after three straight nights of failing at proper sleep. Our dog Lucky, the master of power naps in our household, makes relaxation look sooooo simple.

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Our 2011 Road Trip #9: Natural History Repeats Itself

Stuffed Octopus!

Unda da sea! Unda da sea! Pretty you betcha, until they getcha! You’d betta flee!

[The very special miniseries continues! See Part One for the official intro and context.]

The B train carried us from Rockefeller Center underground up north to the American Museum of Natural History. Our primary motive wasn’t to search for correlations between the real museum and its counterpart in Night at the Museum. We’ve previously visited the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History in Washington DC in 2003 and Chicago’s Field Museum of Natural History in 2009. Checking out NYC’s own Natural History museum seemed a logical step to continue that tradition.

Right this way for mandatory fossil pics, plus my weight on a comet!

The Springs in Fall — 2015 Photos #12: A Merry Mountainside Menagerie

Giraffes!

The giraffes had space both indoors and outdoors. In the mornings, you’ll find them where the food is.

If you read Part 10 and Part 11, you saw a lot of me nattering on about the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo, that fabulous nature spot with animal pens up the side of a mountain, but not so much about the zoo animals beyond the meerkats. This, then, is the one with a bunch of other animals in it.

Right this way for a keen animal photo gallery!

The Springs in Fall — 2015 Photos #11: Meerkat Man

Meerkats!

It’s the kind of moment a man hears can happen, but never sees coming. He’s walking around by himself, minding his own business, lonesome in a crowd but trying to keep up his spirits. Then out of nowhere a young lady walks up to him without preamble or any sign of hesitation, stares him down point-blank, and hits him up with the kind of once-in-a-lifetime proposition he’d have to be a fool to refuse:

“Hi! Would you like to help feed the meerkats?”

Right this way for my brief brush with the tribe of Timon!

2015 Road Trip Photos #36: Shopping With Sharks

Anne vs. Shark!

If I ever got self-deluded enough to pay for a Midlife Crisis Crossover booth at a convention, this would totally be the image on our banner.

Whenever we meet new people and tell them about our annual road trips, we’ll talk partly about the famous attractions and the Very Important sights, but sooner or later we make a point of mentioning the expected “biggest ball of twine in Minnesota” sort of roadside whimsy and bafflement. Some places are more self-aware of their kitsch levels than others. Some places stop just short of posting “STOP HERE FOR PHOTO OP!” signs begging you to drop in and go wild. We’ve seen a few places that go all the way with full-on shameless billboards dozens of miles in advance. (Wall Drug, I’m looking in your direction.)

U.S. Route 90 through Biloxi runs near the Gulf of Mexico and features a pair of souvenir shops ready to sell you Mississippi memorabilia, provide all the beach gear you’ll need for your extended near-ocean stay, or just let you hang out with their marine life collections — all of it colorful, most of it inanimate.

Right this way for a gallery of sharks, crabs, and more!

The Springs in Fall / 2015 Photos #5: From the Mountains to the Prairies

Rocky Mountain National Park!

Last call for Rocky Mountain National Park photos!

Eventually we had to leave Rocky Mountain National Park, and so we did. On our way out, we saw animals, picked up supplies, drove till after nightfall, and found a few things besides mountains to photograph. But mostly we wanted to hang on to the mountains for as long as we could.

Right this way for some natural bystanders and one (1) random football stadium!

2014 Road Trip Photos #33: Season Finale, Last Call for Outtakes

Bi-Centennial Money Car!

One of the many vehicles that missed the cut for Part 29 was the Bi-Centennial Money Car, a ’76 Cadillac covered in pennies. Some things you’re really curious about, and then some things you realize you’d rather not ask.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: we guided you through our annual road trip in thirty-two episodes, from Indianapolis to Minnesota/St. Paul to Fargo to home again. In our grand finale: one last round of outtakes from everywhere and everything else we saw besides Minnesota, all kinds of little bonus moments in between the shots in the previous chapters. Sure, I could’ve simply done a more thorough job of vetting photos the first time around and made the previous entries twice as long, but then what would I do for outtakes?

Right this way for the end of all 2014 things!

Easters with Wolves

Easter Bunny Interview!

Dateline: the Saturday before Easter 2008. My family and I took a trip beyond the confines of Indianapolis into other parts of the state for a most unusual holiday event. Our Master of Ceremonies: the Easter Bunny! Everyone likes the Easter Bunny, right? Sure, the weather was ugly and conducive to death of cold, but that didn’t stop the Easter Bunny from his appointed rounds. Here he makes his grim march to the playing field.

Dead Bunny Walking!

The Bunny conscripted some little helpers into his service. Under his strict tutelage, his disciples milled about the land, planting and stashing his dyed Easter eggs here and there and everywhere.

Easter Bunny in Charge!

Once their task was complete, Lord Bunny and his li’l henchbunnies evacuated to a minimum safe distance…

…and out came the wolves.

...and Out Come the Wolves

Right this way for a look back at Indiana’s Wolf Park!

MCC Llooks Back at the Llamas of Our Llives

Llama!

“Yep, that’s right. I’m a llama. You know you love me!”

For those just joining the internet today: hearts and minds across America were swept away by the spellbinding spectacle of a pair of lively llamas on the loose in Phoenix who apparently came from nowhere, took a while to run down, and by the end of their escapade had become the heartily hailed heroes of a thousand news sites that were bored with covering the whole “net neutrality” thing. Internet freedom was out; llama freedom was in.

I may have missed out on today’s llama craze, but I’m okay with that. This wouldn’t have been my first llama rodeo. Our family has encountered these affable animals on two of our previous road trips. Those Arizona lawmen may have struggled to keep up with their quarry, but it’s been our experience that llamas aren’t that hard to catch if you go meet them where they like to hang out.

Right this way for – you guessed it – llamas!

2014 Road Trip Photos #17: Around the Science Museum on $0.00 an Hour

Science Museum!

Key, kids! Science!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year from 2003 to 2013 my wife, my son, and your humble writer headed out on a long road trip to anywhere but here. Our 2014 road trip represented a milestone of sorts: our first vacation in over a decade without my son tagging along for the ride. At my wife’s prodding, I examined our vacation options and decided we ought to make this year a milestone in another way — our first sequel vacation. This year’s objective, then: a return to Wisconsin and Minnesota. In my mind, our 2006 road trip was a good start, but in some ways a surface-skimming of what each state has to offer. I wanted a do-over.

We knew we’d spend Day Four seeing parts of downtown St. Paul, but we hadn’t originally planned it as a round-trip walking tour from and to our hotel. Once we got into town and looked more closely at what we’d mapped, we realized walking might be easier than driving the not-so-square street grid, to say nothing of parking fees.

We never write down all the possible attractions in each city we visit. Some things we’ve seen in alternate versions in other cities. Sometimes we have to decide where best to allocate our funds, and where to skimp for the sake of the things that excite us most. We’ve seen nature and science museums in other states. My son is a fan of those, and we’ve found plenty to enjoy in them. He wasn’t with us this time.

The Science Museum of Minnesota probably has awesome displays of physics and chemistry and animals and thermonuclear fusion technology and interactive outpatient bioengineering stations inside. Or maybe not. We wouldn’t know. We declined to investigate in depth, though we were curious enough to check around the perimeter, duck inside, and see what could be seen for free.

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2014 Road Trip Photos #8: Our Favorite NWSF Animals

Camel in 3-D!

EXTREME CAMEL FACE IN 3-D!

(No, that’s not a typo in the title.)

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year from 2003 to 2013 my wife, my son, and your humble writer headed out on a long road trip to anywhere but here. Our 2014 road trip represented a milestone of sorts: our first vacation in over a decade without my son tagging along for the ride. At my wife’s prodding, I examined our vacation options and decided we ought to make this year a milestone in another way — our first sequel vacation. This year’s objective, then: a return to Wisconsin and Minnesota. In my mind, our 2006 road trip was a good start, but in some ways a surface-skimming of what each state has to offer. I wanted a do-over.

Our Day Two visit to the Northern Wisconsin State Fair exposed us to familiar festivities, flavorful food, and one pro-Wisconsin propaganda poster. Also, there were, of course, animals. It was a State Fair. It’s what they do.

Right this way for a walk with the animals!

Indiana State Fair 2014 Photos, Part 3: The Great Local-Celeb Milking Contest

State Fair Milk!

The winner’s cup. MILK: what it’s all about.


Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! The Indiana State Fair is an annual celebration of Hoosier pride, farming, food, and 4-H, with amusement park rides and big-ticket concerts by musicians that other people love. My wife and I attend each year as a date-day to seek new forms of creativity and imagination within a local context.

In our previous episode I touched on the variety of shows and competitions happening around the fairgrounds. One of the events we usually miss is the annual Celebrity Milking Contest. In this context the “celebrities” are local personalities unfamiliar to anyone living outside Indianapolis and to some of us lifelong citizens. We’d only watched the contest once before, a few years ago when the winner was the then-governor’s wife. Sure, they may not be movie stars or even YouTube headliners, but how often do we have the chance to watch cow-milking competitions? Besides, it was free.

Right this way for your 2014 contestants!

Our 2006 Road Trip Photos, Part 17: the Season Finale and the Lost Outtakes

Piggies!

Outtake #1 of 5: baby piggies napping at the Minnesota Zoo. When we arrived home late at the end of our drive, this is how peacefully we slept that night.

[The very special miniseries concludes! See Part One for the official intro and context to this MCC remastered edition.

Fun trivia: the original 2006 version of this entry was posted entirely without visuals because neither of us took a single photo on Day 7. As a special bonus to break up the monotony for today’s readers, especially for anyone who craves photos but couldn’t care less about my writing, this evening my wife and I delved into the deep end of our closet and disinterred the rest of her 35mm hard-copy photos from 2006. Previous entries used a combination of excerpts from her scrapbooks and saved files from my first year as a digital camera owner. The five unrelated photos seen here, each of which reference activities from previous chapters, have never been scanned or shared online until now. Nothing fancy or disappointing about them; we basically forgot they existed.]

Right this way for the extended epilogue!

Indiana State Fair 2014 Photos, Part 2: Normal-Gator vs. Manasaurus

Man v. Gator!

Steel wading pool exhibition match. Two vertebrates enter; two vertebrates leave.


Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! The Indiana State Fair is an annual celebration of Hoosier pride, farming, food, and 4-H, with amusement park rides and big-ticket concerts by musicians that other people love. My wife and I attend each year as a date-day to seek new forms of creativity and imagination within a local context.

The State Fair also brings in entertainers from around the globe at various levels. Top-40 musicians play at the Coliseum; former Top-40 musicians play the large, free main stage; local acts play an even smaller stage; and a few touring entertainers perform in the farm-equipment areas, around the animal-education section, or near the 4-H Building. The latter charge no admission, earning only the intake from whatever merchandise they sell after their performance.

One of this year’s freebies was a traveling roadshow called “Kachunga and the Alligator”. The basic premise was several minutes of stage patter about swampland conservation and animal rights, followed by a few minutes of a man tussling with a modest alligator.

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Our 2006 Road Trip, Part 13: Like the Minnesota Zoo, But Stiffer

Rhinos!

Painted elephants in 2-D; rhinos in 3-D!

[The very special miniseries continues! See Part One for the official intro and context.]

Day 4: Tuesday, July 25th (continued)

Before leaving Austin, I stopped at a gas station across the street, filled up on cheap gas, then sat for several minutes waiting for an old lady in her jalopy to sloooowly finish her business with the air pump so I could refill our leaky rear driver’s-side tire. After our interminable stakeout, we took care of the tire and retreated back in the direction of Minneapolis, stopping for supper on the way in the town of Owatonna at a chain joint called the Happy Chef. To be honest, I didn’t realize it was part of a chain until I saw others like it along the same stretch of freeway. With a name like “Happy Chef”, I’d hoped it was either a cornball buffet or an earnest Chinese restaurant. The reality was a standard diner, competent and low-priced but otherwise unremarkable.

While in town, on yet another recommendation from Roadside America (who likewise tipped us off to the Rock in the House and the Spam Museum), we stopped in Owatonna at a sporting goods store called Cabela’s. Like Happy Chef, it’s a chain we don’t have back in Indiana. Unlike Happy Chef, this franchise offers a special attraction: the largest collection of action-posed taxidermy you’re likely to see in a sporting goods store.

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Our 2006 Road Trip, Part 11: Mandatory Zoo Visit

[The very special miniseries continues! See Part One for the official intro and context.]

Day 4: Tuesday, July 25th

Our hotel in Bloomington rewarded us with the largest breakfast buffet of the whole trip. The offerings weren’t all that different, with the notable exception of a positively luxurious three waffle-makers. Their buffet was much more spread out and streamlined, rather than crammed into a leftover nook like those of the previous hotels. Although they offered three times as many tables and chairs as we were used to, they were also just as crowded as the pool had been the previous night.

Once we were tanked up on too much sugar — I know I was, at least — we drove due south to Apple Valley, home of the Minnesota Zoo. This part was a concession on behalf of my son, the wildlife lover. We always schedule one vacation stop for his appeasement, though a zoo was a welcome change of pace from the ride-alike amusement parks of previous years. (Fun opinion I wish I didn’t hold: Six Flags parks are as interchangeable as McDonald’s franchises.)

Birdie on Lake!

Lakes and birdies, hand in hand: Minnesota’s nature scene in a nutshell.

Right this way to walk with the animals!

Our 2006 Road Trip, Part 4: Appointment in Alligator Alley

Albino Alligator!

Albino alligator! As not seen in the movie of the same name.

[The very special miniseries continues! See Part One for the official intro and context.]

Day 2: Sunday, July 23rd

Every hotel on this vacation also included free breakfast. This hotel would prove to offer the weakest of the week, mostly muffins and stale cake donuts. Maybe pilots thrive on those, but we didn’t.

The drive out of Milwaukee brought us further into bona fide Wisconsin heartland, swathed in foliage and crops greener than ours back in Indiana, dotted with businesses sporting names like “Mousehouse Cheesehaus”, and permeated with the sounds of the John Tesh Radio Show, which alternated the usual hoary old EZ-listening standards with self-help bon mots from the Teshmeister himself. Within hours we left Tesh behind and arrived at our next city of choice, Wisconsin Dells.

Right this way for a rascally reptile roundup!

Top 10 Signs “Puppy Bowl” Has Jumped the Shark

Puppy Bowl X, Animal Planet

Blatant corporate sponsorship is the least of Puppy Bowl’s worries.

Some of us cantankerous contrarians don’t spend Super Bowl Sunday drinking, partying, enjoying sports, or watching expensive commercials starring strippers. Animal Planet has carved itself a healthy, annual counterprogramming niche with its beloved Puppy Bowl, a repeating, two-hour pageant of puppies frolicking on a doggy-sized football field, competing over fuzzy toys, and listening to a human referee recite painful doggy puns aimed at the channel’s coveted grade-school viewer demographic. It’s predictable, lovable, huggable, non-sports comfort food.

At least, it was.

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