“Sleepy Hollow” 9/22/2014 (spoilers): The Franklin Hints

Moloch!

Moloch prepares to play Johnny Zombieseed.

And we’re back! It’s September 22, 2014, and the second season of Sleepy Hollow has launched at last. Midlife Crisis Crossover previously brought you same-night recaps of each of the thirteen Season One episodes as they aired, using the best resources available to me as an amateur non-journalist who doesn’t earn complimentary advance review copies or go rooting around for pirated sneak-peeks. I watch; I pause for thought and breath; and then I type as quickly as I can before my brain collapses long after bedtime. It’s just this thing I like to do.

When last we left Our Heroes, Ichabod Crane (Tom Mison) had been buried alive by the Sin-Eater Henry Parish, a.k.a. his long-lost son Jeremy Crane (John Noble), grown old and evil and promoted to the rank of War, the second of the Four Horseman. The First Horseman, Death, a.k.a. the fabled Headless Horseman, as embodied by Crane’s former best friend Abraham Van Brunt, had taken prisoner the woman they both love, Crane’s witch-wife Katrina (Katia Winter), who had been freed from Purgatory by swapping places with Crane’s partner and present-day best friend, Lieutenant Abbie Mills (Nicole Beharie). Abbie was left stranded in Purgatory and trying not to be murdered by the Big Bad behind all the evil, the demon Moloch (currently played by Derek Mears, a former Jason Voorhies), who’s trying to find a way to wage war on our world despite all the interdimensional traveling limitations.

Meanwhile, Abbie’s sister Jenny (Lyndie Greenwood) was left unconscious in her flipped SUV after a Horseman attack. Abbie’s commanding officer Captain Irving (Orlando Jones) is in jail for the murder of one of his officers. The real murderer was a demon who had possessed the body of Irving’s wheelchair-bound daughter Macey (Amandla Sternberg), but that sort of information doesn’t play well in an ordinary police interrogation.

That brings us to the season-two premiere: “This is War”. For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers…

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“Revolution” 5/21/2014 (spoilers): Lights Out for Good

Monroe Defeats Davis!

For anyone who’s ever wanted to see a Hollywood caricature of George W. Bush threatened by an unhinged former despot, Revolution has just the finale for you!

The end is here!

A capricious NBC allowed Revolution to remain on the air until tonight’s finale, “Declaration of Independence”, but didn’t officially cancel it until it was too late for the showrunners to alter their course, aim for closure, and/or toss in some last-minute nods to us stubborn, longtime fans. The season-long arc with Willoughby and the Patriots limps toward its anticlimax, alliances change too late, plot points are dumped by the roadside, and all the Revolution fanfic writers out there (if any) receive the parting gift of a permanently unresolved cliffhanger that could serve as a pretty bouncy springboard for any number of Revolution Season-3 NaNoWriMo novels.

This way to bid Our Heroes farewell…

“Revolution” 5/14/2014 (spoilers): Preamble to the Cancellation

Revolution steam engine!

Folks in WIlloughby knew their days were numbered when the Cancellation Bear drove a runaway train through their town.

We five or ten remaining Revolution viewers heard the unsurprising news late last week: NBC is pulling the plug on what’s left of its electricity after forty-two episodes. I joked in a previous entry that perhaps the show could’ve forestalled cancellation if it had jumped to CBS and been retitled CSI: Future Texas. While waiting for the penultimate episode to begin, I came up with other useful ideas for new names if creator Eric Kripke can convince the studio to shop it elsewhere — to, say, the CW or Spike TV or Investigation Discovery or maybe TV Land. If someone bites, they could try rebranding it as:

Law & Order: Overthrow
Matheson, Texas Rebel
Charlie and the Soldier Factory
Everybody Hates Bass
Neville’s Advocate
Post-Apocalypse Idol
A Stop at Willoughby (and Other Twilight Zone References My Wife Will Love)
The Day the Nanoz Took Over
The Big Bang Dreary
Abandoned JJ Abrams Project #232
America vs. Nature
All Steam, No Punk
Mustache Dad and His Amazing Friends
Death Death Revolution
Mel Gibson’s The Patriot: 2029
Blackout is the New Orange

…none of which has anything to do with tonight’s new episode, “Memorial Day”, in which trainjackers try trainjacking a train from another group of trainjackers who were there first. Also, someone gets slapped and angry. But I had to keep my spirits up somehow.

This way for another weekly recap, now with 75% more futility!

“Revolution” 5/7/2014 (spoilers): Beware the Yellow Peril

Revolution 2.20

“The mustard is coming! The mustard is coming! THE MUSTARD, CARL!”

On tonight’s new Revolution episode, “Tomorrowland”, the desperate Patriots change up their tactics a bit. Guns weren’t getting results, poison oranges only stay fresh for so long, and brainwashed cadets were expensive to feed. Thus they unleash their newest secret weapon: mustard gas! Bright yellow cloudy death is a-comin’ to Willoughby!

This way for better dying through chemistry…

“Revolution” 4/30/2014 (spoilers): Miles Beneath the Surface

Secret Agent Miles

Miles Matheson, Agent of R.E.V.O.L.U.T.I.O.N.

Four weeks after it latest Major Character Death, Revolution returned at last with tonight’s new episode, “$#!& Happens”. That’s the actual title, character-for-character. I think it’s pronounced “Dollarsharptokand Happens” and may be a reference to an old Sigur Ros album.

In this grim installment: Miles falls from grace; Charlie breaks some bad news to the last person in the world she needs to see; Bass and Rachel finally find common ground; and Aaron introduces the nanobots to ’80s Top-40 rock. It’s anyone’s guess as to who tonight’s biggest loser was.

This way down into the hole!

“Revolution” 4/2/2014 (spoilers): Give My Regards to Manchuria

JD Pardo, Mat Vairo, Revolution, NBC

This week: Charlie is forced to choose between Jason or Connor for the Willoughby Senior Prom!

“Nothing will prepare you when one of your favorites pays with their life!”

We were warned. We were promised death in tonight’s new Revolution episode, “Austin City Limits”, and sure enough, there would be blood. The showrunners have offed major characters before, but they believe it’s time for another sacrifice to be made to the Nielsen gods so that their creation might be granted a stay of execution until at least the season finale. Best-case scenario: the sacrifice works and ratings uptick enough to convince NBC not to move the show to a Saturday night death slot for its next four episodes.

And tonight we bid farewell to this one guy…

“Revolution” 3/19/2014 (spoilers): That Stupid, Selfish Thing You Do

David Lyons, Revolution, NBC

Once again the day is saved thanks to Bass the tyrant king!

Tonight’s new Revolution episode, “Why We Fight”, is the first time in series history in which the episode title makes perfect sense and occurred to me before I looked up the episode title after the episode ended. The theme pops up in the dialogue more than once as characters take turns questioning their motives for hanging around the town of Willoughby and shortening their life expectancies in the War on Patriots. Why not go hide in a seedy bar and wait for death to come? Besides the fact that it would make for dull TV?

This way to glorious victory with Commander Bass!

“Revolution” 3/12/2014 (spoilers): Spy Kids Must Die!

Elizabeth Mitchell, Revolution, NBC

The lead photo from an upcoming True Romance article titled “Will Our Love Be Ruined by Underage Enemy Soldiers?”

Tonight’s new Revolution episode, “Exposition Boulevard” (a common street name in California? I guess?), picks up where we left off two weeks ago, with a Mexican standoff between the Mathesons and the Nevilles. Once that threat fades into nothingness, the road beyond it runs afoul of Patriot Youth, a belligerent Chief of Staff, a love triangle, a new alliance, and more screen time than usual for Steven Culp as Ed Truman, Patriot at a crossroads.

This way for more sinister Patriot shenanigans…

“Revolution” 3/5/2014 (spoilers): Me and Beardy McGee

Zak Orth, Aaron Pittman, Revolution, NBC

This is not my beautiful house! This is not my beautiful wife! Come to think of it, reality doesn’t have those, either!

Is it a hoax? A dream? An imaginary story? A holodeck accident? A parallel world ruined by Walter Bishop? A mess for the Doctor to straighten out? A pilot for a new spinoff series called Leave It to Google?

Tonight’s new Revolution episode “Dreamcatcher” throws brainy sidekick Aaron Pittman into a strange old world filled with working electricity, first-world tech-biz problems, cold beer, product placement, and familiar faces in incorrect places. As with most such stories, the question isn’t whether or not Our Hero has awakened to true reality — it’s about how many levels of unreality he’ll have to escape before he’s back on his old show.

Travel this way inside the mind of Aaron the hapless genius!

“Revolution” 2/26/2014 (spoilers): Father/Son Steel Cage Death Match!

Mat Vairo, David Lyons, Revolution

“My name is Connor Bennett. You killed my mother. Prepare to die.”

After a three-week vacation to allow for Sochi Winter Olympics fever, Revolution returned tonight with a new episode, “Fear and Loathing”, in which tenuous alliances are formed, leftover cliffhanger threads are sewn up, Grandpa Gene has the night off, and what happens in New Vegas slays in New Vegas.

Right this way for the main event!