“Sleepy Hollow” 1/13/2014 (spoilers): the Power of Salt and Vintage Ghost Traps

Demon Jenny Mills, Lyndie Greenwood, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

You think your sister has issues…

Tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow episode, “Vessel”: a French demon revealed, a new tape from the Sheriff Corbin archives, modern exorcism tropes, dry cleaning, the word “boondoggle”, and the one moment that Ichabod Crane ‘shippers never thought they’d live to see.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for spinning heads and flying little girls…

“Sleepy Hollow” 12/9/2013 (spoilers): What Ever Happened to Baby Crane?

Henry Parrish, John Noble, Sleepy Hollow

Henry Parrish looks at Rupert Giles and laughs, “Now THIS is a reference book!”

Tonight’s new episode of Sleepy Hollow, “The Golem”, spoils a little of its own mystery in the title alone. Regardless, you’ll never see a few twists ahead in an overstuffed episode that covers the secret origin of Baby Boy Crane, an interview with Katrina’s jailers, the return of John Noble as the sin-eater, and your vocabulary words for the week, “gumplefik” and “gongoozler”.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for the tale of one bad baby…

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/25/2013 (spoilers): the Stalker Made of Stalks

Tom Mison, Sleepy Hollow

Only one network show is daring enough to bring you a haunted-house episode for Thanksgiving. (No, not Hawaii Five-0.)

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow episode, “Sanctuary”, the Horseman had the evening off, but that doesn’t mean Thanksgiving is a federal holiday for all evil. Moloch’s handprints are all over this sordid tale of a haunted house, a fictional founding father, a family secret, the Pilgrims’ available culinary options, and the impersonal touch of the McDonald’s drive-thru.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Click here for another terrifying tale of Tarrytown!

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/18/2013 (spoilers): the Secret Origin of Death

Death, Horseman, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

So you’ve caught Death. Now what do you do?

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow episode, “Necromancer”: he’s more than a Horseman, yet subservient to the demon Moloch. You’d think him eternal, and yet he bears quasi-mortal form. It’s the story we’ve been waiting for: who is Death and why is he doing these terrible things?

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

For any parent whose child has ever asked, “Where does Death come from?”…

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/11/2013 (spoilers): To Catch a Death

Death, Horseman, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

Death doesn’t need eyes to aim!

On tonight’s new episode of Sleepy Hollow, “The Midnight Ride”, all your favorite elements return: the Horseman! John Cho! Action scenes! Shotguns! Crane bemoaning the state of American history classes! Protests over the concept of paying for bottled water! Arguments about that unseemly Sally Hemings story!

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Click here for helpful tips on beating Death!

“Sleepy Hollow” 11/4/2013 (spoilers): Does Sin Taste Like Chicken?

Tom Mixon, Nicole Beharie, Sleepy Hollow

Indignant Minuteman Rages Against Oppressive Umpire.

On tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow, “The Sin-Eater”, before the flashbacks and the anguish begin, Lieutenant Abbie Mills catches her partner Ichabod Crane up to speed on another important development he missed during his 250 years in magical suspended animation: the invention of baseball. With Abbie’s help our man Crane is barely introduced to the alienating jargon but randomly screaming at players in no time, just like a modern fan. This was why the Revolution was fought.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

This way for tonight’s special guest star!

“Sleepy Hollow” 10/14/2013 (spoilers): the Chaucer Whisperer

Sleepy Hollow, Fox

BIG ICHABOD IS WATCHING YOU. Even though he has no idea how it works.

The fifth episode of Fox’s Sleepy Hollow, “John Doe”, tosses a few new elements in with some things missing from recent escapades. Ichabod reunites with Katrina; a new Horseman steps onto the game board; another early American legend is revealed as more than it seemed in your history classes; and, as with such movies as Outbreak, we confirm that diseases can be a really dull antagonist.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

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“Sleepy Hollow” 10/7/2013 (spoilers): That Distracting Tea Party

Item 37, Sleepy Hollow, Fox

What lies within…Item 37? (Hint: it’s bigger than a breadbox, smaller than the Ark of the Covenant.)

As with last week, the fourth episode of Fox’s Sleepy Hollow contains no Horseman, no witches, no Katrina or her time loop, and no Clancy Brown flashbacks (except in one telling photo). This week was jam-packed with movement nonetheless, including a key piece of info we’ve been dying to know since episode one. The focus of tonight’s “The Lesser Key of Solomon” is squarely on the broken relationship between Abbie and her sister Jenny, who escaped from the asylum last week with an agenda of her own.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

So…who wants to learn the Big Bad’s true name? Show of hands?

“Sleepy Hollow” 9/30/2013 (spoilers): Dreams Along the Mohawk

Sandman, Ro'henkrontyes, Sleepy Hollow

The other six Endless cannot save you now!

The third episode of Fox’s runaway Monday night sensation, Sleepy Hollow, contains no Horseman, no witches, no Katrina or her Phantom Zone, no Clancy Brown flashbacks, and very little mysterious demon except in flashback. Thankfully it’s not exactly sixty minutes of dead air. “For the Triumph of Evil” is the first time Our Heroes must face a mythical creature who’s not overtly taking orders from the Big Bad. And yet…this otherworldly stalker nicknamed “the Sandman” holds connections to both Ichabod and Abbie, while appearing visually indebted to Pan’s Labyrinth and half the characters Doug Jones has ever played.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

About that pale white man…

“Sleepy Hollow” 9/23/2013 (spoilers): Donut Hole Tax Reform NOW!

Tom Mison, Ichabod Crane, Sleepy Hollow

The gentleman doth protest his receipt. From tonight’s cute scene in which Crane learns about the pitfalls of taxation with representation.

The second episode of Fox’s new Monday night spooky-action series, Sleepy Hollow, understandably has to work with a fraction of the pilot’s budget, but scores best when it keeps the focus on our heroes, the time-displaced Ichabod Crane and present-day police Lieutenant Abbie Mills, whose chemistry compensates for this week’s villain, a dead witch who has no lines and hides in the shadows between jump-cuts. We also saw a couple of unexpected returns and a clever use of Post-It Notes as an educational tool that Memento‘s Leonard Shelby wishes he’d thought of first.

For those who missed out, my attempt to streamline the basic events follows after this courtesy spoiler alert for the sake of time-shifted viewers.

Tonight’s Sleepy Hollow was brought to you by Overtaxed Donut Holes. 8.25% government-levied, 100% delicious!

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