Life and headlines won’t let you put The Wire out of your mind for long. If you’re not spotting its alumni in shows like Community or The Walking Dead or Game of Thrones or True Blood, they’re randomly resurfacing in your daily headlines, such as Sunday’s news that Anwan Glover, a.k.a. Slim Charles (pictured above), was attacked at a Washington nightclub (but he’s doing better now). The worst is when you catch their obituaries, as with last year’s passing of Robert F. Chew, a.k.a. Proposition Joe. They’re kind of everywhere if you know who you’re looking for
And that’s the problem, isn’t it? You can’t looking because your refuse to stop. You don’t want to live in the here-and-now, and move on to shows that haven’t been dead for six years. You’re afraid you’ll begin forgetting all those intricate, internecine subplots. You’ll forget the exact moment when you began hating McNulty. You’ll lose track of the names of all of Marlo Stanfield’s crew. You’ll convince yourself you never saw Amy Ryan in anything before The Office. You’ll think of Baltimore as just another city, maybe even plan a road trip there. On purpose.
It’s hard, I know, but if you don’t get over it, other internet users will track you down and stage an intervention. And no one wants that, because airfare is expensive and interventions take valuable time away from tweeting or Netflixing.
From the Home Office in Indianapolis, IN: Top 10 Signs You’re One of Those People Who’ll Never Shut Up About The Wire:
10. You still pronounce it “PO-lice” with the sarcasm on the first syllable.
9. You sneer at any series with less than forty regular characters.
8. You walk into tense meetings whistling “Farmer in the Dell”.
7. You refer to every profession, industry, or hobby as “the Game”.
6. You know five different brand names for crack, but you’ve never seen any in person.
5. No fighting in your household on Sundays because of the Sunday Truce.
4. You think network crime dramas have the most hilarious tropes on TV.
3. Your friends greet you by rolling their eyes and saying in sullen unison, “Yeah, yeah, we know, OMAR COMIN’.”
2. You keep posting about it years later without caring about your traffic figures.
And the number one Sign You’re One of Those People Who’ll Never Shut Up About The Wire:
1. You judge everything you watch by The Wire Test: In order to be awesome, a movie or TV show must have: (1) at least one actor from The Wire; (2) who gets at least one line; and (3) who’s cooler than anyone else onscreen.