Our 2023 Road Trip #1: Kentucky Greets ‘n’ Greeks

Purple horse statue with large blue logo on one side for the town of Simpsonville, "Horse Capital of the World".

Kentucky racehorses! Now available in grape flavor.

Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken one road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. We grew up in families that couldn’t afford annual out-of-state vacations. We were geeks more accustomed to vicarious life through the windows of pop culture than through in-person adventures. After years of contenting ourselves with everyday life in Indianapolis and any nearby places that also had comics and toy shops, we overcame some of our self-imposed limitations and resolved as a team to leave the comforts of home for annual chances to see creative, exciting, breathtaking, outlandish, historical, and/or bewildering new sights in states beyond our own, from the horizons of nature to the limits of imagination, from history’s greatest hits to humanity’s deepest regrets and the sometimes quotidian, sometimes quirky stopovers in between.

We’re the Goldens. This is who we are and what we do.

After 2022’s sojourn northeast to the peaceful scenery of Vermont, for 2023 we switched directions and headed south for some American history tourism (one of Anne’s favorite things), some Southern culinary comfort, and some light searching for any Civil War statues they hadn’t already toppled. It was time at last to venture to the Carolinas, the only southern states we hadn’t yet visited, with a focus on the city of Charleston, South Carolina. Considering how many battlefields we’d toured over the preceding years, the home of Fort Sumter was an inevitable addition to our experiential collection.

First we actually had to get there. Our journey began, as they nearly always do, with episodic pit stops in the other states between us and our eventual destination. For most of our southbound vacations, Kentucky is first in line.

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High Street Outtakes: A GalaxyCon Columbus 2024 Coda

Anne sitting in a sandwich shop in a red-and-black flannel cap and a Mandalorian tropical shirt. She's smiling really big.

The lovely lady dressed for winter and comic-con, in that order.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: my wife and I attended the third annual GalaxyCon Columbus in the heart of Ohio’s very capital, met one of my all-time favorite performers, and…well, kinda wish we’d taken more cosplay photos. We also took photos of what we did before and after the show, but I left those out of the recap because most post-con Googlers rarely care about the little in-between moments and because 4500 words was already a hefty dosage of us without the scenes from the periphery.

Sure, cons are cool, but those little traveling moments are also our thing, especially when they happen someplace we’ve become fond of over time. We’ve visited Columbus quite a few times now — for this show, for the awesome Cartoon Crossroads Columbus, that time we tripped over a surprise Pokemon tournament, that other time I ordered a huge As Seen on TV burger, or when we spent my birthday checking out their children’s museum and their art museum, among other wonders. Columbus is a welcoming city with a thriving art community, close in size and temperament to our own Indianapolis hometown in many respects. If for some reason Indiana collapses and we have to relocate — like, say, when polio returns in 5-10 years and devastates our populace — Columbus is one of the top three places where I’ll consider seeking refuge, assuming they’re still standing when the rest of America collapses into a self-made black hole.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 10: Lincoln Home & Law & Gifts

Anne in a gift shop with dark brown wood-paneled walls, smiling and waving a top hat.

The show-stopping tap-dancing abolition-loving certifiably Presidential finale!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

…and it all comes down to this: last call for Lincoln! Two entries’ worth of Abe-centric attractions combined into one double-sized finale!

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 9: ‘Round Springfield

Brick wall mural of Homer Simpson eating one of many pink-frosted donuts raining upon him from above. Psychedelic tattoos cover his open yellow flesh.

The third Springfield we’ve ever visited has a mural that peers into a fourth Springfield.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

…and Springfield had no shortage of engagement for us out-of-towners nestled among the numerous museums and points of Lincoln-based interest — food, art, a spot of geek shopping, and Saturday morning downtown street events we hadn’t expected.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 8: The Lincoln Museum Minus Lincoln

Statues: Mary Todd Lincoln trying on a dress while Elizabeth Keckley pins it in the back.

Mary Todd Lincoln and Elizabeth Keckley, her personal dressmaker and confidante.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

…especially at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library & Museum, but they offered much more than excerpts from our old school textbooks. Most museums nowadays beat out my old textbooks, that’s for sure. Throughout our travels over the past 25 years we’ve found the subjects out there more varied, the exhibits filled with new names I never heard until I learned them through the magic of historical tourist attractions.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 7: His Presidential Library & Museum

Statues of the Lincoln family (Abraham, Mary and their three sons) in front of an indoor replica of the White House facade. Anne stands between two of the boys, doing jazz hands.

If you liked Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy or Archie Meets the Punisher, you’ll love “Anne meets the Lincoln family”! This fall on C-SPAN 3!

How do you do, fellow olds! Here on Election Day Eve 2024, do you feel the despairing urge to retreat from the present-day reality’s endless shenanigans into not-too-distant days of yore, when Presidential candidates with far more character endured and even persevered through much worse times in American history? Have we got the escape hatch for you!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

…which are even cooler when they’re paired with statues in action! We got all that and more when we departed the Illinois State Museum for our next stop, the much larger Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library & Museum. This huge edifice was opened in 2005 and contains the Lincoln Presidential Library and other research collections, in addition to a series of statues reenacting various moments in the sixteenth President’s life. The statues were sadly not animatronic, but that didn’t seem to bother the few dozen field-tripping students we had to wade through on our way in. A selection of relics were found here and there around the life-sized exhibits.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 6: Misc. Museum

A human skeleton and a horse skeleton posed together in a museum.

A man and his horse: the skeletons! Purchased in 1919 for non-Halloween purposes.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

…though sometimes placard-based education can be interesting. The Illinois State Museum is smaller than our Indiana State Museum, but lured us to their doorstep with a temporary exhibit of Stuff Generation X Kids Had (including us!). We made the most of our admission fees and browsed other rooms while we were there.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 5: Generation X Belongs in a Museum

Panasonic tape recorder from the '80s.

The first music-playing device I ever owned was a tape recorder like this one, but a cheaper brand.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

…and took occasional breaks from Lincolnmania. Our random walking tour of the Illinois State Capitol Complex led us to the Illinois State Museum, on the opposite end of the grounds from the State Capitol. As of the date of our visit, their centerpiece special exhibit was called “Growing Up X” — basically a nostalgia prompt-fest of Stuff Generation X Kids Had. We resented the implication that we now belong in a museum and our hobbies (past and present) are anthropological specimens to be wall-mounted for scrutiny by younger generations who don’t get us, in hopes maybe one day they will get us through museum education. We wouldn’t have to take this drastic step if they’d paid attention to our Throwback Thursday posts on the socials.

As members of the scrutinized class, we were curious to see which artifacts were deemed worthy and representative of the lived experience of us kids who dearly wish Baby Boomers had raised us better. I wasn’t surprised to see a few playthings I still have around the house or boxed up in the garage. Some erudite wall space was dedicated to contextualizing our childhoods and the escapist lifelines that let us suspend reality a few minutes at a time. Their vitrines were packed with collectibles that could’ve been culled from a single, shrewd Amazon Marketplace vendor. Nevertheless, some objects evoked deeper responses than others.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 4: Around the Capitol Complex

Colorful 5-foot-tall top hat in a visitors' center. Images on the hat include young Abe Lincoln riding in a red car on a highway, a "Welcome to Springfield" sign, the official Lincoln's Home museum, and a wraparound cursive logo starting with the words "Road Trippin'".

A giant top hat welcomes road-trippers to the Illinois State Capitol Complex Visitors Center. We do love being seen.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

After our scenic tour inside the Illinois State Capitol, we returned to the car, drove over to the Capitol Complex behind the building, and drove a few laps around their visitor parking lots until a space finally opened up closer to our next attraction. Some spaces were cordoned off for a construction project; others were taken up by a few buses whose passengers we never encountered. The complex was apparently a popular place on Friday mornings.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 3: The Illinois State Capitol

Looking up inside a capitol dome. Brown and tan stained glass middle ring, green center circle, circular silvery frieze in the outer circle. Around the perimeter are archways to various halls.

In 9 out of 10 capitol buildings, looking up into the dome is the coolest part.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

Case in point: after Lincoln’s tomb we wandered into downtown Springfield for some local flavor and sightseeing, only some of which was Lincoln-cenetered. Naturally we had to add the Illinois State Capitol to our state capitol collection, since we were already adding Springfield itself to our state capital collection anyway. We just really like collecting stuff.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 2: More Wars, More Memorials

Large all-white globe on an outdoor pedestal. The Pacific Ocean side has metal discs marking locations where Illinoisans died in combat.

The World War II Illinois Veterans Memorial marks casualty locations across the Pacific theater.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

In addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. On past trips we’d visited the graves, tombs, mausoleums and virtual posthumous palaces of 24 American Presidents in varying accommodations and budgets. One of the biggest names ever to grace the White House kept eluding us: Abraham Lincoln, planted a mere three hours away in Springfield, Illinois. In May 2023 I figured: let’s make his tomb a trip headliner of its very own, not a warm-up act on the road to Branson or whatever. History is technically more Anne’s fervent interest than mine, but we found plenty to do beyond reading wordy educational placards…

The Lincoln Tomb is the most widely known part of Oak Ridge Cemetery, but curious visitors can find other departed souls and tributes to hometown soldiers who sacrificed their lives for their country, not just the Civil War. Whereas many cities and towns we’ve visited tend to plant their war memorials in or around their capitol buildings, town squares, Main Streets, or downtown areas, Springfield’s collection is near Oak Ridge’s west exit, at a remove from all the other Lincoln sightseeing options. Once again we had to navigate around field-trippers to take pics, as well as a small biker clan that had come to pay respects to the fallen they knew.

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The Lincoln Birthday Weekend, Part 1: The Tomb of Honest Abe

Indoor brown rectangular monument shaped like a tall sarcophagus. Inscribed on the front: "Abraham Lincoln 1809-1865". State flags line the curved yellow wall behind it, plus the quote "Now he belongs to the ages."

President #16, Abraham Lincoln, d.4/15/1865, age 56.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: in addition to our annual road trips, my wife Anne and I have a twice-yearly tradition of spending our birthdays together on some new experience. Sometimes there’ll be a convention or special event fortuitously scheduled for the occasion; other times, we’ll take a short road trip somewhere we haven’t been before. The time spent together is the best birthday gift, every May for me and every October for her. We’re the Goldens. It’s who we are and what we do.

I’d rather not relive how we spent my birthday this year, but I’m more than happy to leap-frog past it to May 2023 and recount a much cheerier experience. Perhaps “cheerier” is the wrong word considering our first stop was a cemetery.

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The MCC Presidential Burial Site Visitation Checklist (so far)

Inside George Washington's tomb: two marble coffins and a wreath on a stand that was just placed moments before in a daily ceremony.

#1, George Washington! d.12/14/1799, age 67. His and Martha’s sarcophagi share a vault at Mount Vernon, in this teaser image from our 2024 road trip.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: every year since 1999 my wife Anne and I have taken a trip to a different part of the United States and visited attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. We also like to travel on our respective birthday weekends — sometimes to comic conventions that just so happen to coincide with our celebrations of continued existence, sometimes to neighboring towns and states of significance to our interests. After being raised as virtual shut-ins, it’s been a joy to expand our horizons together, gradually and on a modest budget. We’re the Goldens. This is who we are and what we do.

Among our many recurring motifs are final resting places of Presidents of the United States of America. Anne is a major history buff whose vacation research leans heavily to famous American people, places, events, and artifacts. In our early traveling days, a few dead Presidents just so happened to be located near sites we were seeing for other reasons, or on the same convenient roadside. As we’ve diversified our directions over time and expanded the scope of what we considered a “point of interest”, the late leaders of our nation kept ranking on our to-do lists. They’ve basically become a long-term side quest for us. We earn no trophies or high-fives from imaginary teammates; we’re just seeing how many of them we can visit before we’re too old or broken down to continue.

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Disney World! Part 31: The Season Finale and the Magic Outtakes

Cinderella Castle shot closely enough to cut off its spires but far enough away that the dozen or so cast members dancing onstage are tiny. A giant Disney World 50th-anniversary seal is still mounted on the castle.

Alternate shot of the 4:00 Thursday performance of Mickey’s Magical Friendship Faire at Cinderella Castle.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…though we treasured the free times allotted to her in between. Nevertheless, the trip reached its conclusion. Before we leave Orlando behind, let’s take a look back at a selection of outtakes that didn’t make the cut in our previous thirty chapters for various reasons. I’ve arguably posted too many pics as it is, in this epic-length vacation slideshow carousel that didn’t quite hold its audience captive. The average internet user has likely been to Disney theme parks multiple times in their lives and may chuckle at the expense of us starstruck bumpkins who’ve gone on and on about this. Congrats on your affluent first-world upbringing that we didn’t quite have. To us the Disney World trip was like a one-in-a-billion lottery win minus the devastating tax burden. And I’d wager our ending credit card balances were smaller than yours.

Anyway: last call for Disney World photos! And an epilogue.

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Foods Beyond the Stephens Center: A Fan Expo Chicago 2024 Epilogue

Anne sitting in a gastropub booth point at her lunch, a salad served in a giant metal mixing bowl.

Lunchtime Friday before the show — the latest installment in our MCC recurring feature “Anne Gets a Meal Three Times the Size of Mine”.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

It’s that time again! This weekend my wife Anne and I attended the third edition of Fan Expo Chicago at the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center in the suburb of Rosemont, Illinois. Risen from the ashes of the late Wizard World Chicago, which we attended eleven times, Fan Expo has put forth tremendous efforts to maintain the previous showrunners’ geek-marketed traditions for longtime fans’ expectations…

…and you already know how that went for us if you’ve been following along: four new jazz-hands photos, three actor autographs, a few new graphic novels, and perhaps too much exercise and anxiety amid the tens of thousands of attendees and the hours they all likewise spent in lines, many of whom had far worse experiences than we did. Ours possibly only felt worse as events were unspooling in real time. We’re feeling better now, except for the part where we had to return to adulting this week, with mixed results.

Given my penchant for verbosity — and what even is this blog if not my personal verbiage discount clearinghouse to a fault? — I tried streamlining those three chapters at least a smidgen by withholding the travelogue anecdotes that didn’t occur during the con itself or on the convention center’s grounds. That barely worked: those three chapters still totaled 7,454 words. Lord knows I’ve cranked out far lengthier write-ups, though those miniseries tend to contain more cosplay pics as incentive for casual visitors. We’re left with an entire chapter of outtakes for hardcore MCC followers who might have the vaguest interest in the non-geek details of our latest Windy City trip…by which I mean food pics and hotel complaints. The sort of quotidian microdrama you can find only here on MCC or in old issues of American Splendor!

The TL;DR version, if you even made it this far: ’twas a mixed bag. So now you know! Hope that helps!

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Disney World! Part 30: The Last Sunrise and the Character Breakfast

A Princess Tiana cast member in a yellow ballroom dress and tiara poses regally while Anne and I do jazz hands on either side of her.

A royal meet-‘n’-greet with Princess Tiana!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…but the rest of the time was ours for frolicking around Disney World and our Disney Resort. Sadly, the magic eventually had to end. We had one more bit of mixed business and pleasure on the itinerary before takeoff.

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Disney World! Part 29: Magic Meals and Mouse Food

Two Dole Whip floats sitting on a shaded wooden shelf, refer to caption.

Disney World superfans love Dole Whips! At left, the basic pineapple soft-serve float. At right, the Tropical Serenade — pineapple-orange-guava juice, coconut ice cream, and a pineapple upside-down cake pop.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…and the handlers kept the winners well fed during the employees-only Tuesday night meet-and-greet beach party, Wednesday morning’s mandatory hours-long business-related seminars, and the Wednesday night company dinner party-trap. As you can imagine, we were much more excited to sample concessions and cuisine from the actual Disney World parks on our own recognizance.

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Disney World! Part 28: Magic Kingdom After Dark

Disney's Cinderella Castle lit up all over at night, lots of blue and mostly purple.

Color me floored by Cinderella Castle’s surprising nighttime resemblance to the current Walt Disney Pictures title card.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…and time was running out in her one free day. We had less 90 minutes to spend before we had to leave the Magic Kingdom for an appointment. We tried to make them count.

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Disney World! Part 27: The Magic Kingdom Beyond the Castle

Bronze Lincoln bust on a pedestal in front of a black-and-white painting of Walt Disney.

We found their miniature American history museum! And you can’t have one of those without a bust of Lincoln.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. One thing we rarely do is fly. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so. Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation! We could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

For Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. Much of the time, she’d have to work…

…except the one day she didn’t have to, so we could do actual tourism together in this supernaturally fun place where our families could never afford to visit in childhood, unlike all the other, more well-off whitebread kids who outnumbered us tens-of-millions-to-2. Thus we spent our afternoon in the Magic Kingdom wandering more than riding, gawking more than waiting in lines, and feeling dumbstruck at sights that surely would’ve blown our minds if we’d come here as kids. It was impossible to hold onto our Gen-X jadedness here.

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Disney World! Part 26: It’s a Small, Small, Small, Small World

Three cutesy singing animatronic figurines with tribal face paints, two mushroom-shaped and one shaped like a thumb. Everything's blue and purple.

Welcome to animatronic Africa with mood lighting!

I ask you, what better time than right now for a shiny happy feel-good gallery of an alternate Earth in which everyone sets aside their differences, concedes they were all cranked out by the same animatronic manufacturer, celebrates mutual captivity on the same indoor canal, welcomes outsiders without fear of mass shootings or assassinations, and drowns out any concerns by singing the same catchy jingle over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

…sorry, what were we talking about?

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