Our 2017 Road Trip, Part 46: The Season Finale – Last Call for Outtakes


Parking lot decor found on the walk from the Inner Harbor to the American Visionary Art Museum.

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: we guided you through our seven-day trip to Baltimore, Maryland, in forty-four episodes —- July 8-14, 2017, with stops along the way at two Civil War battlefields and a series of smaller but no less intriguing sights by the roadside.

It all comes down to this: one final collection of alternate scenes and quick blips in between the larger sights. Baltimore may have set a new homicide record year in 2017, to say nothing of headline-making protests, but our trip there and back again belied all that. Any large city has its issues and its areas you’re not supposed to visit — some worse than others — but they also have their bright sides and their reasons, great and small, why the locals stick around and don’t just all flee to Canada.

Antietam barricades!

Civil War barricades at Antietam National Battlefield.

Antietam arrows!

Helpful arrows in the Antietam observation tower point to other Maryland towns in the distance for reference.

Vesta Pizzeria!

Pizza place mural on the way from Antietam to Washington Monument State Park in Boonsboro, MD.

Washington Monument State Park!

The view from South Mountain’s Monument Knob, this time looking over the rocks instead of at them.

Racehorse Watertower!

Racehorse water tower near the interstate upon our arrival in Baltimore.

Under Armour!

Down the street from our hotel was Under Armour corporate headquarters. Fashion isn’t my thing, so I’d never heard of them before this trip. I assumed they made either deodorant or car wax.

Water Taxi stamps!

After a few days of riding water taxis around the Inner Harbor, their all-day admission stamps began to add up on my arm.

Emerson Bromo-Seltzer Tower!

The Emerson Bromo-Seltzer Tower loomed nearby while we waited to catch a Charm City Circulator from Camden Yards to the National Aquarium. At the time all we knew was: hey, cool clock tower there.

Fells Point Psychic!

Shots of random pics of businesses on our Fells Point walkabout included this psychic’s storefront.

Gettysburg cavalry!

Among the dozens of Gettysburg statues in our path, this cavalryman was one of a few that I couldn’t identify with any real clarity.

Omni William Penn!

Alternate architecture viewpoint from our room at Pittsburgh’s Omni William Penn, this time looking down instead of up.


That perfect view of Pittsburgh from Mount Washington.

Four states. 1400 miles, including the 100 miles wasted on a bad Avis rental. Three hotels, two top-notch historical and one incompetent. Two Civil War battlefields. Two toy museums inside former school buildings. Two important locales from the secret origin of the American flag. Three Madonnas of the Trail. Two mountaintop constructs in honor of George Washington. One sighting of shots fired in Baltimore. One fearful moment that had nothing to do with street crime. Two high-quality Baltimore diners As Seen On TV. Three great places for frozen treats. Four Pez dispenser collections. Several mountains, over and under. Four rivers, one creek, one harbor, and one flood. Clusters of jellyfish and elephants. Metric tons of Old Bay seasoning.

We’re the Goldens. This is who we are and what we do.

The End. Thanks for reading. Lord willing, see you next road trip, once we make up our minds where that’ll be.

[Link enclosed here to handy checklist for other chapters and for our complete road trip history to date. Follow us on Facebook or via email signup for new-entry alerts, or over on Twitter if you want to track my TV live-tweeting and other signs of life between entries. Thanks for reading!]

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