Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:
Every year since 1999 Anne and I have taken a road trip to a different part of the United States and seen attractions, marvels, history, and institutions we didn’t have back home in Indianapolis. From 1999 to 2003 we did so as best friends; from 2004 to the present, as husband and wife. For 2007 we changed up our strategy a bit and designed an itinerary for what would prove our most kid-friendly outing ever. Granted, my son was now twelve years old and less kid-like than he used to be, but the idea was sound in principle.
Thus in this year of our Lord did we declare: the Goldens are going to Florida!
…and then we came home. The End.
Wait, no, I did that wrong. Last call for Florida photos!
* * * * *
After we finished our gallivanting around Rock City, we crept in our car down Lookout Mountain and began the long journey home. We slowed for a spell in central Tennessee thanks to traffic from the sixth annual Bonnaroo festival, but otherwise had no trouble passing through the rest of it, or through the entirety of Kentucky. In contrast to the crass and ubiquitous commercial billboards of Chattanooga or Valdosta, central Kentucky’s billboards instead focused their attention on the Bible. At least five of the Ten Commandments each earned a visible slot of their own. I’m sure we could’ve caught some accompanying radio broadcasts as well, not unlike Valdosta’s maddening Radio Free WILD ADVENTURE! I didn’t think to check. We made only one stop in Kentucky, for snacks at the McDonald’s in Cave City.
I refused to stop for dinner until we crossed the Indiana border…just in time for evening rush hour. Lucky for us, then, that Indiana’s southernmost section of I-65 has something like six lanes per side, so their rush hour was as smooth as silk. We cruised into Jeffersonville and grabbed a bite at Frisch’s Big Boy, an old sit-down burger chain that deserted Indianapolis years ago. I almost miss the ol’ Big Boy, their giant porcelain mascot who looks like Astro Boy if he were reprogrammed as a fabulous farmer.
From there, the drive up I-65 slowed to a turtle’s pace as rubberneckers on our side gawked at a hefty accident on the other side…which was at a standstill and backed up for several miles. That gave us plenty of time to sit there and fidget, accompanied only by the sounds of southern Indiana radio and the images bouncing around our heads from the past six days spent down south.
We ended up arriving home sometime after dark. None of us stayed conscious once we caught sight of our own beds. We slept deeply but not nearly as long as we would’ve liked because in the morning we had to return the rental car, attend my company picnic, and pick up this little fella, our newest housemate who was excited to see us.
The End. Thanks for reading!
Coming soon: our 2017 road trip, once we actually take it. And, um, finish planning it, for that matter. If anyone notices a complete lack of new 2000-word entries here on MCC over the next thirty days, trust that it’s no coincidence…
[Link enclosed here to handy checklist for other chapters and for our complete road trip history to date. Follow us on Facebook or via email signup for new-entry alerts, or over on Twitter if you want to track my TV live-tweeting and other signs of life between entries. Thanks for reading!]