Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: our family keeps up with the Marvel Cinematic Universe line of comic-book screen adaptation and transmutation products! Yes, we’ve even watched the ones that show up at the low end of every “Every MCU Movie and TV Show, Ranked” listicle whose criteria change whenever new interns update it. Someone needs to sort those with an “Every MCU Ranking Listicle, Ranked” listicle, but it won’t be me. Between the Marvel Zombies that give every release an A only because they have the “Marvel” cattle-brand stamped on them, and the four-hour YouTube anti-“woke” tantrum-throwers who think hate-watching is a wise use of their limited lifespans, I’d never get more than halfway through most of the contenders without developing listicular cancer.

I was perhaps a tad less cranky than the pro critics who groused about the MCU’s 35th film, Captain America: Brave New World, and the curious decision to devote Anthony Mackie’s first solo Marvel marquee to sewing up dangling threads from previous works. I can’t say it’d go in the top half of my own MCU rankings, but it got some things right, though part of the plan involved pleasing Disney’s superiors by forcing the MCU to diverge into a completely different political backdrop, quainter than our own reality.

When last we left Mackie as U.S. Air Force veteran Sam Wilson a.k.a. the Falcon, he was among the half of the universe who returned from oblivion in 2019’s Avengers: Endgame. Two years later he and Sebastian Stan shared the Disney+ miniseries The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, in which the original Captain America’s partners from different eras sparred over who should don the mantle — seeing who could yell, “No, YOU take it” the loudest. Neither character was happy with Chris Evans’ decision to walk away from the Steve Rogers role so he could return to his previous career: typecasting as smart-ass second-fiddles to other A-list actors. Despite the angry efforts of some forgettable anarchists (both in the show and online), after much reluctant deliberation our man Sam accepted Cap’s mantle, including the shield to go with his wings. As someone who’s enjoyed Mackie’s pre-Marvel performances such as The Hurt Locker, I was perfectly okay with the passing of the torch, a superhero tradition dating back to DC’s Silver Age.

Nearly four later Mackie is the name above the title at last. His first mission, should he choose to accept it: deliver a long-awaited sequel to 2008’s Incredible Hulk, whose film rights finally reverted from Universal Pictures back to Marvel in 2023. That underrated monster-mashin’ popcorn-flick was six years before Mackie’s own MCU debut in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, but someone’s gotta do it, and Mark Ruffalo probably said no. Sorry, Sam: inherit the mantle, inherit the messes.

Well, not all the messes. When last we left Marvel’s America, 2023’s Disney+ mini Secret Invasion — an ostensible spy drama so inept and inert, it plunged straight into my MCU All-Time Bottom-3 — ended with President James Ritson (Dermot Mulroney) basically declaring war on all aliens galaxy-wide — not just the evil Skrulls who burned off any goodwill earned by the good-guy Skrulls. Nothing about that show’s finale implied Ritson’s paranoia was a minority opinion, but sometime over the next two years Ritson and his Anti-Alien Act fell into a ditch and will apparently never be spoken of again. We also never found out whatever happened to William Sadler’s President Matthew Ellis from Iron Man 3, whose existence was reconfirmed in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. before he fell into the same ditch. That is some ditch.

Anyway, America welcomes its new President: General Thaddeus “Thunderbolt” Ross! Due to the death of Academy Award Winner William Hurt in 2022, Ross’ mantle is passed to the Harrison Ford — eight years older than Hurt and with one fewer Academy Award to his name, but his illustrious career has earned some six hundred trillion dollars at the box office over the past 50-odd years, so he wins.

Other than the jade giant himself, for years Ross was the sole survivor of Incredible Hulk to escape into the MCU proper. Despite his machinations contributing to the destruction of Harlem under the thundering fists of Ol’ Greenskin and his foe the Abomination (who was tossed into super-prison, then released to perform community service in the whimsical She-Hulk series), Ross was forgiven and appointed U.S. Secretary of State by the time of Captain America: Civil War, a position he held until at least 2021’s Black Widow. He was a big fat jerk all around, who outlawed superheroes for a while with the Sokovia Accords. But the important thing to post-Blip American voters is he had a record of military service and experience in an actual political office, which I understand used to be commendable qualities in our Presidential candidates. Also, despite his own history of rage issues and poor mustache grooming choices, we’re told Ross is feeling much better now.

So a now-mustacheless Ross, representing whichever party, won the most recent election over the unnamed candidate for whichever other party, no doubts thanks in part to his running mate, Vice President Not Appearing in This Film. Within minutes Ross steps up to accept his first challenge of international diplomacy: dealing with that miles-high humanoid statue that’s been standing out in the middle of the Indian Ocean ever since the final battle in 2021’s Eternals, which only six of us viewers liked. We hardy six are aware that impossible statue is the stillborn remains of the Celestial who would’ve been called Tiamut but was turned into marble to prevent its emergence from destroying Earth. It’s not like the Eternals held a press conference and explained this to humanity, who apparently turned to each other and mumbled, “Somehow the Colossus of Rhodes returned,” and went back to doomscrolling. And there it’s towered unnoticed and unmentioned in the MCU ever since.

Surprise! This just in: Tiamut’s remains aren’t entirely marble. Or maybe we’re all pretending no one ever said “marble”, I dunno. Either way, its remains have been explored and a new substance has been discovered inside: a super awesome indestructible metal that scientists have dubbed “adamantium”. You’ve heard of it if you know what an X-Man is, but that was in another universe. Adamantium has never officially existed in the MCU proper till just now. Any past Marvel Comics uses of it — an ingredient in Cap’s shield, Ultron’s entire body — had to make-do with Wakanda’s vibranium in the meantime.

Much like other films where characters war over rights to oil or water or whatever resource, now every country wants to stake a claim in adamantium. In this extremely alternate universe, the American President — our kinder, gentler Thunderbolt Ross — is extending olive branches to all the other superpowers (the major nations, I mean, not the Marvel hero catalog) in hopes of hammering out new accords so they can all get into the adamantium business. No one objects to the faraway country of America earning any say in the matter over the lands literally bordering on the Indian Ocean (the Eternals are MIA, and were immortals from different nations, so no one can call “WE SAW IT FIRST” dibs), but there they are, deferring anyway.

Alas, the meeting of the minds goes awry — interrupted by an assassination attempt on Ross. Fortunately our man Cap is there to save the day along with a few other do-gooders, including his new partner/sidekick, Danny Ramirez (Top Gun: Maverick) as Joaquin Torres, a.k.a. the new Falcon introduced in Falcon/Soldier. One part winged understudy and one part guy-in-the-chair, he pitches in to help stop the multiple shooters who fire up out of nowhere. Once the dust settles, it’s up to Cap and his allies to figure out who ordered the hit and what they stand to gain from ruining Ross’ peacemaking efforts. Not much time passes before our Incredible Hulk sequel reveals the true plot with its other major returnee: Tim Blake Nelson as Dr. Sam Sterns, whom we last saw nearly seventeen years ago metamorphosing from a helpful biologist into a gamma-irradiated madman. The film refuses to admit his comics codename is The Leader, and his love of citing his plot predictions in terms of probability percentages more closely resembles an old Fantastic Four villain called the Mad Thinker, but still: The Leader is here! And he is not happy with Ross.

Again their political climate diverges from ours in key directions. If they can’t figure out what’s going on, America might end up going to war with…uh, Japan, whose prime minister thinks the opening set-piece involving a stolen adamantium sample was a false-flag operation? (Is it really less contrived than adding yet another fake nation to the MCU?) Also, Cap, with his proud military record, absolutely respects the chain of command up to and including the Office of the President, a concept once taught in high-school civics classes that seems more and more like an archaic novelty as American history-in-progress succumbs to self-inflicted entropy. Even more novel, though, is the part where Ross — Thunderbolt Ross! the guy obsessed with Hulk-hunting to the detriment of his surroundings, as other characters happily remind him! — the President, of all people, is the one wishing Can’t We All Just Get Along. Those were the days, weren’t they?

The pro critics annoyed with all the callbacks were right in one regard: that is a lot of complicated setup for what amounts to a two-hour excuse for superhuman fight-and-fight-and-fight. Mackie absolutely sells us on new Cap’s stamina and ability to keep up even though he’s never had any Super-Soldier Serum, only his military training and post-enlistment self-discipline. The opening set-piece is otherwise mostly standard fare (I couldn’t help thinking of The Boys and had to remind myself this was not A-Train taking down a mediocre stunt team), but a much later Top Gun standoff over Tiamut’s waters between two different breeds of flyguys is pretty thrilling (though Maverick still tops it).

Best of Show is the much-promised championship bout at the end. The final phase of the Leader’s plan — ripped from those darn Marvel comics — leads to Ross’ transformation into the Red Hulk, which the trailers didn’t bother hiding. This, at long last, is one of my favorite time-honored comics traditions: a ludicrously imbalanced showdown in which an underpowered David takes on overpowered Goliath. (See also: Spider-Man vs. Juggernaut, Green Arrow vs. Solomon Grundy, Robin vs. Mongul, Squirrel Girl vs. Galactus, et al.) The scene would be over in about six seconds flat (with literal flattening) if not for the new costume gifted to Cap at the end of Falcon/Soldier.

Speaking of which! In between the typical good-vs.-evil archetyping and whatnot, the film’s most emotionally charged moments belong to one of that show’s special guests — Carl Lumbly, a superhero vet of The CW’s Supergirl and the voice of Justice League Unlimited‘s Martian Manhunter. He’s Isaiah Bradley, a onetime Captain America prototype who suffered thirty years in federal prison, partly on exaggerated charges and partly for the government’s further shadowy Super-Soldier experiments. By this time Sam has befriended him and nudged him out of exile despite his justified grudge against The Powers That Be. When he’s unwittingly coerced into the assassination scheme, once again Isaiah faces unfair treatment by the authorities through no fault of his own. Every whit of betrayal and heartbreak sears through Lumbly’s performance, which demands to be heard in a far better, more nuanced film.

Lumbly isn’t quite supported by all the other busyness piled around him by director Julius Onah (The Cloverfield Paradox, that imprint’s weakest chapter) and four other credited writers, who include Rob Edwards (The Princess and the Frog), Falcon/Soldier showrunner Malcolm Spellman, and fellow show contributor Dalan Musson. They throw in myriad elements that could’ve come into focus and provided deeper meaning — the cruel injustice against Isaiah as a mere pawn, the implication of superheroes working for the government that once outlawed them, the trauma of worldwide PTSD from the five-year Blip that gets more downplayed the farther we get from Endgame, the mystery of BUT SERIOUSLY WHY IS THERE NO MASS CONFUSION ABOUT THAT NEW GIANT FREAKING STATUE MAGICALLY IN THE INDIAN OCEAN NOW, and so on. For the sake of a clipped two-hour runtime and behind-the-scenes reshuffling, much of that potential is squeezed out in favor of the pared-down superhero basics necessary to center everything on Our Hero and the numerous product tie-ins, sometimes in that order.

Mackie, at least, is given all the space he needs to shine, bearing the weight of that legacy on his shoulders and enduring everyone else’s irritating comparisons to the sainted paragon Steve Rogers. The great and powerful Ford is likewise granted all the time he needs and wants, which he does not phone in, even though he totally could’ve done so. As Ross’ emotions keep roiling higher and situations keep spiraling out of his control, Ford deploys Ross’ comics-accurate fiery bluster with less self-consciousness than Hurt’s version. He has the time and wherewithal to explore the question of whether or not a politically high-powered hothead like Ross really can change, or might ever even aspire to change, and not just because of necessary recasting. A late-game revelation throws a wrench into his supposed comeback that begs more questions, but by then we’re out of time and he’s obligated to deliver on that promised Red Hulk carnage.

And what wreckage there is! If only he and Lumbly had shared more than fifteen seconds on screen, or if anyone else could’ve took a harder turn at bat. (For all his past roles as unchecked oddballs, Nelson is oddly restrained here, leaving the work to his gamma makeup, which looks less like the Leader — either version — and more like Leech from the ’80s X-Men books.) Sure, the kids inside us adult viewers might thrill to Red Hulk hammering away at Cap’s shield and vibranium wings, but the adults inside us adults feel teased by the faint hints that Brave New World could’ve gone deeper.

Despite the film’s mindful insistence on a neither-side, middle-of-the-road approach to the State of its Union — ultimately it’s as much a popcorn flick as The Incredible Hulk was — perhaps a glimmer of What Might Have Been can be felt in Ross’ final scene. In one last exchange, Ford feels and behaves like no other President in my lifetime except (extremely arguably) Jimmy Carter. On a certain level his parting words point toward a sort of Platonic commander-in-chief ideal that seems too far-fetched to expect from our real-life future would-be officeholders. Such is the beauty of superhero fiction, though: in the imaginations of the writers who chart its fates, hypothetically anything is possible.

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Meanwhile in the customary MCC film breakdowns:

Hey, look, it’s that one actor!: I tried to temper my excitement when they announced the addition of Giancarlo Esposito to the cast. Chief among the actors who added to the greatness of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, Esposito participates in limited quantities as Sidewinder, leader of an arms-dealing militia called Serpent. In comics their full name is the Serpent Society and their membership are all snake-themed villains, not one guy and a bunch of nameless henchmen. Sidewinder is basically this film’s answer to Batroc, a throwaway first-round sparring partner who pops up again two more times in disposable scenes that were all reshoots not in the original script. Sidewinder is no Gus Fring.

Another character was supposed to be a superhero: Shira Haas (The Zookeeper’s Wife, Netflix’s Bodies) plays Ruth Bat-Seraph, Ross’ security advisor. In the comics she’s an Israeli heroine named Sabra with a blue-and-white costume, generic mutant powers, and weapons including quill-shooting wrist-guns and a super-cape. But we don’t talk about Israel in a neither-side, middle-of-the-road film, so she’s rewritten as a former Red Room captive/student who has no costume and gets one (1) Black Widow-esque solo fight.

Xosha Roquemore (Space Jam: A New Legacy) is Ross’ lead Secret Service agent. Takehiro Hira, the runaway bigamist scientist dad from Monarch: Legacy of Monsters, is Japan’s twitchy PM. Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson (Atomic Blonde, Vikings: Valhalla) is technically another Serpent member named Copperhead, but if they actually mentioned his codename, I didn’t hear it.

Two more special cameos are contributed, one of them from the aforementioned Incredible Hulk: Liv Tyler as Betty Ross, whose involvement was announced long ago but which I’d totally forgotten, making her eventual arrival a pleasant surprise. The other guest is from more recent events, but his demeanor and plans don’t quite gibe with what we know about his next MCU appearance.

And certain longtime readers of Cap’s comics may positively swoon at the sight of William Mark McCullough (Apple TV’s Manhunt) in a small yet noticeable role as the one and only Dennis Dunphy. If you don’t know who that it, my wife and I know someone who can fill you in.

How about those end credits? To answer the burning question that MCC is always happy to verify: yes, there is indeed a scene after the end credits. For those who tuned out prematurely and really want to know, and didn’t already click elsewhere…

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[…insert space for courtesy spoiler alert in case anyone needs to abandon ship…]

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…after his last chat with Ross (possibly ever, unless someone can bribe Ford to don the MOCAP dots again), Our Hero has one more person to visit. Not the newly succeeding President Not Appearing in This Film, but the cell where they’re now holding Sterns, whom the film still refuses to call the Leader. Sterns tries ribbing him, but they don’t have remotely the same sense of humor. Then Sterns warns him of what’s in their future according to his super awesome calculations — of the worlds beyond worlds out there and the imminent coming of…THE OTHERS.

That’s it, that’s the cliffhanger. Marvel may even have specific OTHERS in mind. They’ve had to reconfigure so many elements in the wake of Jonathan Majors’ cancellation and the underperformance of previous MCU chapters that brainstorming guesses of who THE OTHERS are is pointless. Whatever villains show up next in a group of two or more, Kevin Feige can just say they’re THE OTHERS that Sterns meant, and lo was the prophecy fulfilled.

Oh, and after that scene, the credits end with one more message: “CAPTAIN AMERICA WILL RETURN.” When he does, hopefully he’s not one of…THE OTHERS.