This Thursday will mark my first time in almost two decades, and my wife’s first time in her life, that she and I will attempt to cook a turkey. We volunteered for turkey duty because one of our usual turkey chefs is under the weather this year and sorely needed a relief from her duties. We appreciate my wife’s grandmother’s years of service, but we think her turn to rest and watch while someone treats her for a change.

I thought to sing an ode to our forthcoming meal (pictured), but traditional Thanksgiving carols are few and far between. Once you get past “Over the River and Through the Woods”, the pickings are pretty sparse. No one’s written “Have Yourself a Merry Little Thanksgiving” or “White Thanksgiving” or “O Come, All Ye Hungry” or even “O Butterball”. I couldn’t even find a single hymn praising Squanto for giving the Pilgrims maize. Fie on those tuneless ingrates.

So I wrote my own ode. Feel free to serenade your own meal as well. And if you’re off the Internet between now and then, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

* * * * *

Turkey Leg Rock

Turkey leg, turkey leg, turkey leg rock
Turkey legs bake and turkey legs shake
Roasting and toasting to feed everyone
And the Stove Top stuffing’s done

Turkey leg, turkey leg, turkey leg vigil
Turkey fans fizzle while turkey legs sizzle
Sitting and waiting on turkey alert
Empty stomachs hurt!

Is it lunch time? This is crunch time
Let’s make that turkey cook
Turkey leg time is a tense time
Don’t give the chef that dirty look

Hurry up, turkey leg! Crank up the heat
It’s almost three o’clock
Baste ‘n’ drizzle ‘n’ wait ‘n’ repeat
Faster, turkey! Tick-tock!
.
Turkey leg, turkey leg, turkey leg rock
Turkey legs finished and turkey fans famished
Serving and setting the turkey leg place
Cannot touch till Dad says grace

Turkey leg, turkey leg, turkey leg war
Turkey fans fight and turkey fans bite
Grabbing and stabbing for turkey to score
Shouldn’t there be more?

After mealtime is the heal-time
To sleep our wounds away
Turkey naptime is the last time
To think turkey till Christmas Day

Pack it up, turkey fans, head for the hill
The hosts could use some quiet
Don’t wanna see us again until
The next turkey leg
The next turkey leg
The next turkey leg riot!

[Lyrics © 2012 Randall A. Golden. All rights reserved. Royalties welcome.]