Welcome to the launch of a brand new MCC miniseries!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: each year Anne and I take one (1) road trip to a different part of the United States and see attractions, wonders, and events we didn’t have back home. We’re geeks more accustomed to vicarious life through the windows of pop culture than through in-person adventures. For years we contented ourselves with everyday life in Indianapolis and any surrounding areas that also had comics and toy shops. As our relationship persisted and blossomed, we chucked some of our self-imposed limitations and resolved as a team to leave the comforts of home for annual chances to see creative, exciting, breathtaking, outlandish, and/or bewildering new sights in states beyond our own, from the horizons of nature to the limits of imagination, from history’s greatest hits to humanity’s deepest regrets and the sometimes quotidian, sometimes quirky stopovers in between. We’re the Goldens. This is who we are and what we do.

One thing we rarely do is fly. The first time we ever boarded airplanes was in November 2015, when Anne was sent to scenic Colorado Springs on her very first business trip. I was permitted to tag along, provided I pay for my own plane ticket and meals. I had more free time for enjoying the surroundings than she did, but it was a groundbreaking experience in many ways.

The following summer we introduced my son to this same luxurious travel mode and, in lieu of our annual road trip, used planes for our return visit to New York City. It was nice to save some hours not having to drive through Ohio and Pennsylvania, but we lost some of the quality-time along-the-way joy that enlivened some past family vacations. And we couldn’t just ask our pilots to pull over at the nearest gas station so we could pick out some snacks. We had to settle for whatever pittances the attendants just so happened to have in their pockets.

NYC Part II was seven years ago. Next year, we went back to road-tripping. Ultimately we prefer to control our own vehicles and itineraries. Some airline prices may be lower than in past eras, but they’re still a luxury. Most annoyingly, the changing cabin pressure upon ascent and descent wrecks my hearing and fills my head with the roaring of an imaginary ocean for hours afterward unless I perform a lot of inner-ear calisthenics throughout the last half-hour of every flight. Given the choice, we prefer Avis over airlines. We’d much rather drive than be flown unless we absolutely have to…or are given some pretty sweet incentives to do so.

Fast-forward to December 2022 and a most unexpected opportunity: The Powers That Be at Anne’s rather large place of employment recognized her and several other employees nationwide for outstanding achievements in the field of excellence. Their grand prize was a Disney World vacation!

The prize package included round-trip airfare for her (and only her) to Orlando, Florida; a three-night stay at a Disney World resort; and a pair of Disney World one-day Park Hopper passes. Other, smaller objects were also thrown in along the way, such as a Disney MagicBand+, which looks like a watch but doesn’t tell time. Instead it’s this wearable, ostensibly interactive toy that’s supposed to trigger special features on various park attractions. We were so busy being bedazzled by everything else around us that she didn’t get much use out of it. Not every Disney-labeled object is magic, as their shareholders seem to be realizing about the company’s other lines of business in 2023.

Wait, sorry, I’m drowning out the lede: we could at last announce to friends and family, “THE GOLDENS ARE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”

Two major catches tempered the blowing of our minds. One: for Anne it was officially, legally a business trip. She had a fixed itinerary filled with mandatory business meetings, seminars, luncheons, and other gatherings rife with proprietary jargon implemented to leverage daily-inculcated encouragement of attitudinal synchronization with HR behavioral objectives for long-term performance improvement and personal evolution into team-built role models within their proactively for-profit paradigm. In short: much of the time, she’d have to work.

Not me, baby! Same as with Colorado Springs, I was allowed to tag along again provided I paid my own way, and was excused/barred from almost all those appointments. My company and hers have had dealings in the past, but her bosses aren’t my bosses. Employees were granted one (1) free day on the trip to spend off-the-clock with their plus-ones, but by and large I’d be on my own recognizance and free to enjoy whatever pleasures I could afford until then. I could go crazy Broadway-style!

The second catch: we had to fly. We couldn’t simply drive down early and arrive the same time as everyone else’s flights. We dealt with it.

We’d driven to Orlando once before, the endpoint of our 2007 road trip, but we hadn’t done Disney World. My son had already seen all Orlando’s major parks years earlier on a vacation with his mom’s family. Based on his experience and choice of encore options, we did Universal Studios instead. Anne and I had never been to a Disney theme park in our entire lives…until now.

Our departure from Indy was scheduled Tuesday, March 7, 2023. We’d return home Friday, March 10th. This miniseries will cover what happened in between except her boring work matters that’re none of my business or yours — our extravagant accommodations, my first time wandering a theme park alone, our first glimpse of the fabled Magic Kingdom, the very few rides we rode (we are slightly over 50), the foods, the statues, the characters, the fireworks, the one evening we spent in a fit of mutual rage, and, for anyone who knows us and/or this site well, the one section of the one park that you know had to be our first stop together, even before the Magic Kingdom or whatshisname the mouse.

If you visit Disney World, internet bylaw says you’re required to blog about it. MCC will be the sixteen billionth blog on the subject, but chiefly as an experiential narrative and hardly an authoritative tips-and-tricks advice column. Our version will run at least thirty chapters. As you’d expect, we took a plethora of photos. The more responses we get, the faster I’ll try posting them. Then I can finally post about our official 2023 road trip, which followed three months later.

DAY ONE: TUESDAY, MARCH 7TH.

Our Southwest Airlines flight from Indy to Orlando was scheduled shortly after lunchtime. We arrived a couple hours early per the style of the times. We went through the usual motions to which all frequent flyers are accustomed, which is not us. A dozen or so passengers were ahead of us in the TSA line, which moved reasonably quickly. After I sailed through my inspection without incident, I stood by for a floor show I already knew was coming.

Despite frequent reminders in the days leading up to takeoff, Anne had a hunch that the whole “liquid containers must be less than 3.4 ounces” thing was more of a guideline than a rule, and/or that 22 years after 9/11 was more than enough time for security to start loosening up on that one, especially for cute tiny middle-aged ladies who were Grand Prize Winners. This hunch did not pay off for her.

While I re-pocketed my possessions and put my shoes and belt back on, I watched from afar as Anne was asked to step aside toward The Bad Booth, where a more thorough inspection of her carry-on bag would be conducted. One escalated X-ray and rummage session later, the very polite TSA agent confiscated one normal-sized tube of toothpaste and an entire, brand new, unopened, hefty bottle of sunscreen. Anne accepted their decision and did not go full Karen because she is not that sort of woman. I, on the other hand, am not the sort of man to deny himself a gentle I-TOLD-YOU-SO giggle-fit. I did try to contain myself till we were out of earshot, because that seemed more gentlemanly.

After stopping by a supply store for much smaller replacements that would not get her tackled and manacled, she grabbed a terminal seat while I fetched us bagels for brunch from Shapiro’s Deli. Along the walk, I happened to run into my old boss, who taught me a lot of what I know before she retired several years ago. She and her husband were going to visit their grandkids down in Texas, which sounded pretty keen. Our chat was the sole reminder of my own workplace for the entirety of this trip.

Our flight boarded without incident and took off only a few minutes later than the original posted time. On the way up into the heavens and on the way down, I tried my best to keep my ear canals opened and/or exercised and/or constantly contorting to maintain proper head pressure and avoid hearing loss — a combination of Valsalva maneuvers and chewing. In lieu of gum, which had done absolutely nothing for me on the NYC trip, I’d brought a bag of beef jerky that tasted like Ren Faire leather. On the way up, none of this worked and I couldn’t hear a single word of the conversations between Anne and the woman sitting next to her over the next two hours. On the way down, I figured out my system and was back to normal eardrum sensitivity within a few minutes of disembarking.

And thus we beheld Orlando once again. It took a few seconds to confirm we definitely would not need the jackets we were wearing for the next three days.

To be continued!

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[Link enclosed here to handy checklist for other chapters and for our complete road trip history to date. Follow us on Facebook or via email sign-up for new-entry alerts. For further signs of life between entries, wave hi to me on . Thanks for reading!]