Entry Postponed on Account of Powderkeg Detonation

Ferguson 11-24-14.

America tonight in a nutshell. (Source: somewhere down in the Twitter fusillades.)

The Midlife Crisis Crossover management regrets that tonight’s regularly scheduled Sleepy Hollow recap has been postponed until Tuesday night on account of breaking developments in the infamous town of Ferguson, MO, where the grand jury in the Michael Brown shooting, given five possible options on which to indict Officer Darren Wilson, has chosen exactly zero of those options and determined amongst themselves that the case doesn’t merit going to an actual capital-T Trial in court.

According to a lengthy statement recited on live TV by St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Bob McCulloch, the grand jury reached this decision after hearing conflicting testimonies from five dozen witnesses, three autopsies that all agreed with each other, lots of documents, folders, samples, forensic thingamabobs, and so on but I think America as a whole stopped listening to McCulloch several minutes before he finished and retreated to an undisclosed safe location from which he could monitor any unsightly damage inflicted on his Wikipedia entry.

We’re told the several metric tons of evidence and exhibits will be released online later this week so millions of internet users can take turns reviewing the case files at length for themselves, creating their own bulletin boards with strings between photos, finding new clues that everyone else overlooked or ignored or didn’t like, seeing if they can replicate the controversial grand jury conclusions vote for vote, and then make sense of it all and maybe even save the day and America’s spirit.

Orrrrrrrrr maybe not.

As I write this, Ferguson is now made of shock and dismay and looting and gas canisters and riot gear. Twitter looks much the same, but on a smaller scale and with a lot more angry white people on the battleground. Anyone who’s online and trying to talk about anything but Ferguson is effectively talking to themselves. President Obama recited a live statement shortly after 10 p.m. EST that amounted to, “America’s come a long away and still has really big problems, but war isn’t the answer.” Very loosely paraphrased. Far as I could tell until I shut off the TV an hour later, the bedlam continued unabated. Nice try, sir.

Expect no thinkpieces here. Not even gonna attempt any Jerry Springer “final thoughts” on What It All Means, or What America’s Real Problem Is, or Why Can’t We All Just Get Along, or Here’s Why Darren Wilson Should Hang, or Let’s Trust the System to Determine the Truth for Us, or whatever. Write one speech, two more will rise up even more eloquently. Tweet one blithe condemnation of the Establishment, five more probably already said the same thing and probably got more retweets.

Back to utterly unimportant housekeeping: the press conference preempted twenty-five minutes’ worth of tonight’s new Sleepy Hollow in most major TV markets. West-coast fans will likely get to see the full episode later tonight without current-events interruption, unless they choose to turn off the TV and contemplate more immediate concerns. I think a few smaller TV markets also didn’t carry the Ferguson conference, because the auto-scheduled Sleepy Hollow “live-tweets” from the show’s official Twitter account were still rolling out as if everything was hunky-dory and nothing else mattered, and some fans were still replying to them as if they were truly watching the show and seeing scenes that I certainly wasn’t. I had to put their account on Mute when they kept tweeting onward into spoiler territory.

My wife and I will be watching the episode tomorrow On Demand, after which I’ll finally be able to indulge in the usual recap even though it’ll be more pointless than usual.

Until then, remember the Mills family motto we learned last week: “Eyes open. Head up. Trust no one.”

(I prefer Psalm 58, but that’s just me.)

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