Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover:

Quick programming note for those MCC readers who follow along with NBC’s Revolution: as previously suspected, the show will be taking three consecutive Wednesdays off so NBC can regale us with an unsightly lineup of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit reruns they think Nielsen commoners would rather watch instead.

We’re now in the second week of its three-week unpaid suspension from the TV force. It’s no secret the ratings have been floating downward pretty much from the pilot onward. Every news outlet remains skeptical about its renewal chances, though I take small comfort in the fact that NBC already renewed the lower-rated Parks & Rec and therefore nothing is foregone. Granted, Parks & Rec is surely cheaper to produce, especially after losing two cast members this season. I’m not convinced the way forward for Revolution is to trim the roster down and shoot twenty-two straight bottle episodes of just Miles, Bass, and Tom arguing in rooms. That tactic isn’t helping Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and it won’t help here.

Surely the showrunners aren’t without options and are carefully choosing which ones to exercise. If they have any intention of giving us six seasons and a movie, or three seasons and a reunion special, or 2½ seasons and a brief revival on Syfy, I expect the final four episodes will take some bold risks and bedazzle us stalwart loyalists like never before. Fingers crossed.

From the home office in Indianapolis, Indiana: Top Thirteen Ways Revolution Hopes to Improve Its Ratings:

(Why thirteen? Because the colonies, man.)

13. Kill off another major character every week until someone pays attention

12. Nanobots now speak with the voices of Ryan Stiles and Colin Mochrie

11. Give Woody Harrelson millions to join the cast, let him go nuts

10. Four-part crossover event with NBC’s The Voice

9. Replace Tracy Spiridakos with Heather Locklear

8. Rebrand the last four episodes as “REVOLUTION: THE FINAL SEASON”; pretend they planned it that way

7. Revolution Beanie Babies Happy Meal toys

6. Homage to The Fast & The Furious using steam-powered muscle cars

5. Have Ben Edlund write more episodes and bring in the cast of The Tick

4. Tom Neville reinvents himself, changes name to Gus Fring

3. Ask J.J. Abrams to do anything for the show besides lending it his nameplate

2. The Patriots’ final sinister plan: zombies!

And the number one way Revolution hopes to improve its ratings:

1. Moves to CBS, becomes NCIS: Future Texas.