I’ve never watched a complete Emmy Awards ceremony. I follow several different TV shows each season, but I don’t watch nearly enough of the “right” shows to have a sizable stake in the proceedings. It’s with good reason that I don’t write about television seven days a week.

The preceding paragraph was copied-‘n’-pasted from last year’s Emmys entry. Not much has changed, so why reinvent the butter knife?

Back then, I thought it would be fun to sort through all the Emmy nominations just to see how many would actually matter to me. I’d committed to that night’s writing topic before I analyzed the list. My conclusion: it wasn’t fun after all.

This year I altered my approach. Instead of painstakingly scrutinizing every last nominee, I decided to wait until the ceremonies were finished and the results were posted online, then check off only the winners, disregarding any of my shows that were nominated but beaten down.

The results were slightly surprising…

…

…in that my few victories were in small categories that will never appear in the Primetime Emmys broadcast ever again. They were all segregated into the Creative Arts Emmys, for which a separate ceremony is held so that the Primetime Emmys can be shorter than the Oscars and therefore derided for one less reason.

My winners, then:

Shows I watched that won 2013 Creative Arts Emmys:

Outstanding Single-Camera Picture Editing For A Comedy Series: The Office, “Finale”

Outstanding Music Composition For A Series (Original Dramatic Score): Downton Abbey

Outstanding Stunt Coordination For A Drama Series, Miniseries Or Movie: Revolution

…

…end of list. Woo-hoo. Go, Team Me. And yes, those are all real awards. I have no idea why the Oscars’ music and editing categories receive ten times more respect than their Emmy counterparts. That’s just how the Emmys roll.

Shows I watched that won 2013 Primetime Emmys:

…

…not a single, solitary one. Not even on DVD.

Granted, Breaking Bad is on my list of shows I might or might not watch someday after I finish the several dozen unwatched shows I already have on hand, but that doesn’t help my stats today. If I include shows my wife watches without me, then…oh, right, that’s twice zero.

When I was young, my tastes went a certain direction, and none of my favorites won. Decades later, my tastes have updated but the end results haven’t. Back then I insisted it was the Emmys that were uncool. Today I’m the one wearing the large scarlet U.

But hey: just wait till next year! Or so I tell myself with a wink. And I hate when I do that.