During the solemn, lamentable weekend following last Friday’s senseless tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, Facebook users who were already struggling with their own reactions, the reactions of their friends, and the fights breaking out between friends of conflicting reactions all found themselves interrupted dozens of times over the course of the weekend by the reassuring face of Academy Award Winner Morgan Freeman, perceived as one of the kindliest, most grandfatherly figures in all of Hollywood. His face was attached to a short essay decrying the culpability of mass media in encouraging too many broken young men to become power-tripping mass murderers because of the seedy allure of posthumous headlines and ten minutes of front-page infamy. Few would argue with the content of the well-meaning essay, but this wasn’t just any old essay written by an ostensibly intelligent typist. This was an essay attached to a photo of Academy Award Winner Morgan Freeman.

Somehow the photo imbued those words with a godlike acumen that transcended all racial, economic, and spiritual barriers. Within seconds one out of every one-and-a-half Facebook users was forwarding the words and picture to everyone in striking distance under the assumption that they naturally had something to do with each other. No need for fact-checking, no verifying sources, no asking why Freeman would release a public statement as if he’s an official White House spokesman — someone they knew forwarded it to them, so it had to be true.

What you saw probably resembled this, except more professionally cobbled together and without my modified attribution:

So many people appreciated the message that not nearly enough of them questioned the veracity of the composition. As of this writing, Twitter users are still passing it along like a royal decree. As usual, though, Snopes.com was on the case, concluding by Sunday afternoon that the quote, however eloquent it was, was not sourced from Freeman himself. Freeman’s own representation confirmed Monday that Snopes was correct.

As soon as the first five or six renditions popped up in my Facebook feed, I noticed immediately that no one was citing a source. Everyone, at best, knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who’d heard of Morgan Freeman. It sets a weird precedent that future hoaxers and pranksters will be more than happy to employ at their whim: if you slap a photo of Morgan Freeman on anything, people will buy into it.

Benign versions, friends kidding other friends, might look like this:

The Gettysburg Address never sounded so suave, did it? All thoughts of Daniel Day-Lewis are erased from memory because, according to this slapdash .jpeg, we now know that those words came from the Morgan Freeman.

I’m personally taking this one step further and slapping Freeman’s face on anything I publish whenever I need to convince skeptics that what I’m saying is inerrant truth to be immediately accepted and obeyed.

…and once I’ve used Freeman’s charming mug to enslave untold millions, every so often I might get capricious on a whim and see if I can induce a nervous breakdown in a follower. When faced with the choice of trusting in reality or trusting in Morgan Freeman photos, where will their allegiance lie? Will they even be able to decide for themselves, or will their mind snap like a twig?

To be fair to the sly dog who begat all this, Freeman was a smart choice. His essay wouldn’t land the same impact if it were juxtaposed with, say, a photo of Lindsay Lohan:

See? Extremely different impact.

And if he’d gone too far in that direction, we’re no longer being punk’d. It becomes just another interchangeable Photoshop gag, as if Facebook weren’t already choking to death on those.

Before forwarding anything that you didn’t personally write to your nearest five hundred Internet users, asking yourself three simple questions can prevent the spread of so much misinformation, the perpetuation of unfunny hoaxes, and eye-rolling mockery at America’s expense:

1. Was it forwarded to me from someone else?

If so, there’s a 99% chance it’s a hoax. Forwards have been a viral carrier of pestilential practical jokes and paranoid urban legends since the 1990s, when they were confined to email. Facebook, Twitter, and other social media have only accelerated the contagion process for those unwitting carriers who still don’t know better after all these years.

2. Is there a source cited?

A real source, I mean, with a link and professional credentials and an actual reputation and everything. Most forwards have no link. Those few that do, tend to link to crackpots. Either way: red flag.

3. What does Snopes.com think about it?

Snopes.com has been the Internet’s primary debunker of hoaxes, rumors, forwards, and urban myths for over a decade. When you catch sight of a forward that seems too wild to be true — or worse, too believable to be false — plug a few key terms into their search engine, and presto: instant knowledge. Whether it’s “AOL/Microsoft merger”, “Facebook to start charging fees”, or “Osama owned Citibank”, Snopes is a handy anti-panic filter ready to serve you, safeguard you from manipulation, and prevent exasperated essays such as this one from having to be written over and over again.

If I have to, next time I’ll attach two photos of Morgan Freeman to my response.

(Freeman photo credit: CynSimp via photopin cc)