Sorry, shoppers, this was a one-and-done exclusive. I’m all sold out!

Of all the adjectives ever used to describe me, “toyetic” has never been among them. Here I am anyway!

No, this was not my idea. My ego is nowhere near this level. When I treat myself, I never run out and recruit a new Mini-Me to add to an ever-growing Army of Me.

The other day a coworker who routinely pelts me with questions and technical issues wanted to show her appreciation for my knowledge and patience, and found inspiration on my own desk at the office, where I keep a modest assortment of Funko Pops. They aren’t something I actively amass by the hundreds or search for at comic-cons, but from time to time I’ve received them as gifts or picked them up as travel souvenirs.

Unlike other companies, my employers are pretty cool about letting those of us with assigned desks liven them up.

My complete Funko lineup, for those curious:

• “Weird Al” Yankovic
• Alex Trebek
• Walt Disney in black-and-white
• Miss Yvonne from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse
• Linus van Pelt
• Han Solo in Endor gear
• BB-8
• BB-9E
• Tom Servo
• Crow T. Robot
• Tom Serv-Crow (a bizarre yet sanctioned mash-up)
• Poochie from The Simpsons
• Roger Sterling from Mad Men
• America Chavez from the Young Avengers and the second Doctor Strange movie
• Tiny Leia from Obi-Wan Kenobi
• Spike from Buffy in his ’70s subway-punk outfit

You’ll note not all these are Funkos. MST3K fans may recognize three bots that came with the DVD sets. (That’s Gypsy peeking in at the bottom.)

Hence the latest addition to my collection, courtesy of her: a reasonable facsimile of the Me of Earth-Funko. When I saw it, you could hear my jaw drop from blocks away. As it happens, rather than fan-made Etsy-craft, Funko offers its own “Pop Yourself” service that allows customers to Funko-fy themselves or others for posterity, presumably within legal boundaries.

My bobble-imp’s accessories include a remote and a “Super Freddy” comic, which is a reference I had to look up — a super-powered variant of company mascot Freddy Funko, whose existence is news to me. She was disappointed that the site’s tropical shirt options were lacking, but the top she chose faintly resembles a couple from my own closet. I’m trying not to complain about how his curly hair is grayer than mine…unless that’s not meant to be hair and is actually his brain pushing through his skull. I’ve had days that felt like that. But the best part is the way he’s trying to hide in the shadowiest corner in his own box, accurately simulating me at parties.

All things considered, I’m glad I got my custom clone while I could. I was surprised to read this week about how Funko, like a lot of American businesses, isn’t doing so great financially right now. Their latest SEC filing contains more than a few discouraging numbers in it, as well as 38 mentions of the word “tariff”, in case anyone’s looking for symptoms to diagnose.

It’s cool that they’ve enjoyed at least a little success this year with replicas of the cast of Netflix’s KPop Demon Hunters, which came at a fortuitous time considering the film’s bigwigs failed to line up any other merch deals in advance. Will those be enough to save Funko? Or do the American people need to save the day by chipping in and ordering 400 million Funkos of themselves? Because I’m pretty sure the answer is not for them to start cranking out variants of me. Y’all are welcome to try, of course.