“Nothing will prepare you when one of your favorites pays with their life!”

The last line of the promo for NBC’s next episode of Revolution has driven fans to the internets in search of hints or spoilers for the identity of the show’s next victim. In thirty-seven episodes the lengthy role call of the dead already includes two Matheson Family members, a British doctor anyone barely remembers, two high-ranking villains, countless minions, the entire populations of Philadelphia and Atlanta, and nearly every ex-girlfriend we’ve ever met. Judging by the search terms and traffic surge I’ve seen over the past two days, the fans are livid and demand to know: who’s the next Revolution character to die? And whose ex-girlfriend will she be?

Full disclosure: I do not have that answer, only my guesswork. But I’m less interested in the question of “Who will die?” than I am in the question, “Who should die?”

My thoughts on the available pool of targets:

Sebastian “Bass” Monroe, Former Regional Despot: Ever since he lost his republic and his power, Bass has become the show’s answer to Spike from Buffy — i.e., our heroes keep finding ways to put his evil tendencies to good use, and he steals an unfair share of the funny lines. He’s not going anywhere. We’ve spent too much time watching him take baby steps toward reattaining evil greatness. Admittedly, it’ll be hilarious if he somehow loses all those new minions and ends up a lone loser yet again.

Miles Matheson, Former Assistant Regional Despot: The closest guy this show has to Daryl Dixon, the most interesting man in the apocalypse. If he dies, we riot. Our numbers dwindle weekly, so it may not be a very loud riot, but we shall be proud indeed of our vehement mini-riot. Or riotette. Riotini. Whatever.

Tom Neville, Former Assistant to the Assistant Regional Despot: During the show’s darker, duller days, our man Neville carried my interest alone on his back. He’s most likely to be the killer in this situation, but someone this charismatically vitriolic doesn’t get offed like a chump anywhere except in a season finale. I like to think Giancarlo Esposito is too much the MVP to suffer this fate in a regular episode.

Connor Bennett, Son of Former Regional Despot: Bass’ long-lost son has brought in a new level of appeal to fans who wanted a younger, more likeable male character to root for. I’ve inferred this from the number of visitors who pass near these parts asking “Mat Vairo age”. (Answer to that question: somewhere between 18 and 29. Hope that helps!) His death would ruin Bass’ current quippy antihero mode and bring back his President Emo state of mind. I’d rather not see the writers take this misstep. Besides, he makes Charlie smile once in a while, even though she’s laughing at him and not with him. Sooner or later she’ll be reminded of his Mexican cartel past and maybe watch her step around him.

Jason Neville, Son of Former Assistant to the Assistant Regional Despot: He’s basically taken over the late Danny Matheson’s role: he could contribute to the cause if anyone would let him, but he spends too many of his days as someone’s prisoner. If he died, what would the net effect be? Tom turning evil? Tom wanting revenge? Tom wanting everyone around him dead? That’s his status quo now. If they need to thin out the cast for budgetary purposes, right now the addition of Connor has made Jason the most redundant, but his removal would be a brief blip on Tom’s arc at best.

Julia Neville, wife of Former Assistant to the Assistant Regional Despot: Still the helpless hostage, her death would have the same net effect as Jason’s, except now Tom could mourn for a while and then find himself an antiheroine love interest sometime around season four. I expect her lifespan to be short, but does she really qualify as “one of your favorites”?

Charlie Matheson, Niece of Former Assistant Regional Despot: Is she still the main character? Season one seemed to think so, and look where that got the show. Killing her off would be a gutsy move, but then there’d be no strong young female for viewers to ogle. I’m betting she’s safe, though a tragic death might shake her out of her ugly nihilist funk no matter who it is. Unless it’s Bass, in which case I expect she’ll dance. But it won’t be Bass.

Dr. Gene Porter, Grandfather of Niece of Former Assistant Regional Despot: Good ol’ Stephen Collins has caught faux typhus, he’s been shot, he’s been tortured, he was nearly germ-warfared to death by his own daughter, he’s watched his granddaughter turn scary and cold-hearted, and now all his friends and neighbors think he’s a psycho terrorist. Gene’s luck is already terrible, but the worst indicator of his odds is that he’s the group’s Dale/Herschel by default and therefore his days are numbered. He’s lasted longer on Revolution than he did on Falling Skies, but his luck can’t hold out forever.

Aaron “Google” Pittman, just this guy: He was fired from the show’s comic-relief position, but now he serves as official ambassador to Nanobot Nation. Someone’s gotta do it, I suppose.

Ed Truman, Patriot Tool: If he’s not dead by the season finale, I’ll be greatly surprised. But next episode is too soon and he’s nobody’s favorite.

Rachel Matheson, Sister-in-Law/Lover of Former Assistant Regional Despot: Among those responsible for the blackout, she’s the most prominent. She’s killed to protect her family. Some of her victims were innocents she threw under the bus. She has a long history of doing the horrible thing for the altruistic reason. In recent episodes she’s grown repentant and very much concerned with the example she’s been setting for her daughter. In this week’s episode she confessed that her answer to the question of “Why We Fight” was that she’s doing it for Charlie’s sake. She’s ever the doting mother, even though Charlie can barely look at her.

It’d be too, too easy to turn around Charlie’s ever-worsening attitude by having Rachel sacrifice her life to save her and everyone else from certain death. Rachel atones for her crimes in her mind, she saves he daughter, she finds some kind of peace, and those left behind have a new reason as to Why We Fight: they’d be doing so in Rachel’s memory. Yay honor and nobility!

Three problems with this theory: (1) the show’s too thin on female characters as it is and probably can’t spare her; (2) Miles might just start drinking again, and his drunken hero-angst is too played out; (3) right about now Jason is looking really, really disposable to me. We’ll see how this plays out when the show returns.

…

Speaking of which, here’s a bad-news postscript for any Revolution fans who were counting down the days to that next death scene: TV by the Numbers is reporting that, due to low ratings for this week’s episode, “Why We Fight”, NBC has reconfigured their schedule and bumped it for the next three weeks, not just the one. Though the online promo still says it’ll be back April 2nd, allegedly for that date and April 9th it’ll be replaced by reruns of Law & Order: SVU. If the situation doesn’t improve, I won’t be surprised if NBC relegates it to a Saturday night death sentence.

So, uh…see you next time? Eventually?

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UPDATED 3/26/2014: Okay, Revolution definitely skipped March 26th so NBC could show a TV special about Prince Harry or something, but now the show’s official Twitter PR account swears the show will return next week on Wednesday, April 2nd. Lord willing.