Literacy pundits wept this week over a controversial re-release of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s classic Anne of Green Gables, which is now in the public domain and can be reprinted and reformatted by anyone who thinks they can earn a dime from it, regardless of whether or not they’ve actually read it themselves. Rather than publish it with a cover that reflects one iota of the content, dark forces working through CreateSpace instead revamped little Anne’s image by disposing of everything about her except her gender. Presumably a skewed focus group or an ad executive with a one-track mind advised that today’s younger readers are 75% more likely to read a classic novel if the cover resembles a supermarket magazine.

Do the guilty parties have a point? Some publishers have found that quality content alone, regardless of pedigree, is often not enough to entice new readers, especially if the content is really old and uses archaic terms such as “gables”. Schoolteachers do their best to inform students of the perks and wonders of reading, but they only have so many months to force the kids to read as much as possible before they’re turned loose on the world and free to avoid books for the rest of their lives. If the writing itself isn’t enough of a draw, if the recommendations of elders send them in the opposite direction, how else are the classics supposed to attract new generations of audiences?

Clearly the answer is repackaging that catches the casual eye at any cost. Sure, photogenic Nü-Anne bears no resemblance to her textual counterpart and is somewhat of an affront to dedicated Anne fans, but you’ll note the Amazon listing as of this writing lists this new edition as sold out. Either someone ordered it pulled due to the media scrutiny, or the plan worked beyond anyone’s wildest expectations.

Why stop with just the one novel? Plenty of other old books would benefit from this shallow marketing approach. Take a work that’s a tough sell on its own merits, slap an unrelated photo on it, and suddenly you’re in the sellout business. For example: people love photos of scenery, right? Try out this proposed reimagining of Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man and the Sea:

Eight hundred pages of turgid prose lie waiting inside like a spring-loaded trap, set to ambush an unsuspecting reader and crush their spirits…but just look at that gorgeous sunset! Who wouldn’t what that image on their bookshelves?

If you prefer more exotic, recognizable lands, perhaps the tumultuous France of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities might appeal to the traveler in you:

Fortunately for our scheme, today’s average reader has no idea what the word “anachronism” means, but they do respond positively to bright lights.

If panoramas aren’t your thing, how about shirtless hunks at a beach party? If books are smart and parties are awesome, then books about parties are some kind of cross between the two that I like to call “smawesome”:

Don’t waste your time trying to figure out which of these swingin’ bachelors is Piggy. If we’re asked, we’ll answer that Piggy was napping back at base camp during this scene.

Let’s not neglect the menfolk, either. Selling to their demographic should be a snap:

“Dude! It’s a book about babes! Let’s check it out and see how hot it is!” By the time they reach the end and realize they’ve been suckered into reading 19th-century chick-lit, it’ll be too late and their lives will be transformed.

This printed-page advocacy technique has applications above and beyond classic literature. Any back-catalog work can be resuscitated when paired with the right image. My daily Facebook experience tells me there’re few things humans love more than cute, cuddly, fuzzy little animals. I would stop short of using lolcat pics already ruined by PhotoShop, but out there in remote online areas exist animal photos as yet unmanipulated by mankind, available for use and for fawning over. Or you can buy a pet and create your own book covers!

“At last!” a new generation will say. “A book starring a dog! Why doesn’t Barnes & Noble sell more of those?” Thus will Stephen King earn his next several million dollars — him along with hundreds of dead authors whose estates would kill for a revival half as successful as Miss Gables’ own.

Granted, all those swindled readers may become disgruntled upon finishing these books and grumble about bait-and-switch or false advertising. But hey, at least they’ll be reading!

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[photo credits: Little Women: Jacrews7 via photopin cc | Cujo: porschelinn via photopin cc | The Old Man and the Sea: Rennett Stowe via photopin cc | Lord of the Flies: siegertmarc via photopin cc | A Tale of Two Cities: Abdulsalam Haykal via photopin cc]