Christmas is Over for Now

Xmas Countdown!

With one Christmas countdown ended, now another Christmas countdown has begun. The chalkboard Santa in our annual Christmas diorama is a little too anxious to push us forward, encourage us to start saving up already, and have us ignore the next fifteen major holidays in favor of his. Nice try, Santa, but you were too late to stop the one store I saw this afternoon that already had Valentine’s Day swag on the shelves, right on schedule.

Right this way for light musings as we prepare to burn off what’s left of 2015!

Scenes from Christmastime 2015!

Santa Yoda!

Fit into our Christmas tree theme this year, Santa Yoda does.

Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! Christmas!

That time of year we celebrate Christ’s birth and the fulfillment that came with it. That blessed season when we wrap up the year with one last multi-platform shopping marathon. That timeless trial when we find out how strong or how weak the communication lines are between distaff family members. That awkward negotiation over which gatherings we are or aren’t attending. That discomfiting anticipation that somewhere out there is a stress-induced tantrum with our name on it. That quick escalation into spiraling darkness if you don’t snap out of it and remind yourself of the reasons for the season, the fruits of the spirit, and oh what fun it is to ride and so on.

In honor of the main event, please enjoy this humble collection of random moments from the past few weeks that highlight local gentle reminders of the occasion and the joy inherent in holiday decorating. We here at Midlife Crisis Crossover wish you ‘n’ yours a super Merry Christmas, and we do hope you get the opportunity to connect with loved ones in between multiple showings of The Force Awakens.

Right this way for our 2015 Christmas gallery!

My Favorite Christmas Tie

Christmas Ties!

I don’t own many neckties with pictures or characters on them partly because I’m finicky, partly because I’m not great at accessorizing, and mostly because ties are ridiculously expensive to a guy who hates more than $25 for a pair of shoes. Thanks to the benevolence of family and friends, though, I’m the proud owner of six Christmas ties that I wear to work every year as a personal countdown on the last six business days before Christmas. Guys like me may not have a lot of options for dressing all Christmassy in an office setting, but I enjoy making the most of what I’m given, and the Six Ties of Christmas are it.

I like all of them to varying degrees, but one of these means more to me than the others.

Right this way for storytime! But not about the obvious tie…

7 Things to Know Before You Go Out Christmas Caroling

Muppet Carolers!

The Swedish Chef, Beaker, and Animal proved with “Ringing of the Bells” you don’t need a great singing voice to go caroling, but you may need safety equipment.

My wife Anne loves singing Christmas carols. She used to be first among her coworkers to begin singing them every year until she bowed to peer pressure and agreed to wait till at least after Columbus Day. I learned most of the catalog in grade school and willingly participated in three consecutive Christmas programs, even soloing once on “The First Noel” for an audience of hundreds of parents, none of whom had the clout to offer me a recording contract. Our old Bible study group used to visit group homes and nursing homes, serenade residents with a medley of timeless classics, and bring them baskets of cookies and/or fruit in the spirit of the season.

We love Christmas songs. We have a lot of fun singing them to appreciative crowds. We love being given the opportunity to sing for others as an act of service, an outpouring of faith, and an outlet for our pent-up expressive hearts. We’d join multiple caroling groups if the right offers rolled in. I blame our inactivity on our agent, George Glass.

But Christmas caroling isn’t as easy as it looks, especially if your fellow singers aren’t on the same page. We regret we’ve learned this the hard way. If You, the Viewers at Home, have ever considered singing Christmas songs to others, whether to praise Jesus or to have a good time, we offer you seven handy tips for simplifying your caroling mission, bringing a merry gleam to the eyes of others, creating a pleasant memory, and hopefully remaining on good speaking terms with the rest of the choir by the end of the night.

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Mourning Around the Christmas Tree

Christmas Tree 2015!

Plan A for me tonight was to write about either of the two new movies I’ve seen in theaters over the past week. I have a few Plan B’s stored up in case of mental short-circuit. Tonight, I just…can’t. Nothing I want to enjoy sharing is working.

Ever since I got home, I’ve found it impossible to concentrate on writing because I first had to spend a while catching up with online anguish over the San Bernardino shootings. And, bringing up the rear in all news roundups, the smaller shooting in Savannah, dwarfed and nearly invisible next to San Bernardino, like that time The Love Letter opened the same weekend as The Phantom Menace. That’s a horrible, boorish comparison, to say the least. But that’s where we seem to be headed, into a future in which so many are growing up to become disgruntled, corrupted, fundamentally broken, spiritually deformed gunslingers that the career track has become overcrowded and they’re now vying for public attention like some lethal breed of fame-starved pop idols. Soon they’ll have to start hiring black-market publicists to coordinate their outbursts with each other so none of them overlap and each shooter can have a chance to dominate the news cycle for a minimum number of hours before the next shooter steps up to the range.

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Scenes from the 2015 Christmas Gift & Hobby Show

Santa!

My wife and her grandmother hanging with their old pal Mr. C.

Each November my wife and I take her grandmother to Indianapolis’ own Christmas Gift & Hobby Show at the Indiana State Fairgrounds. Last Saturday when we dropped by, the event was on its 66th year; Mamaw is on her 90th. Most months, she leaves the house only when family or friends take her to church or the grocery, but the two of us enjoy driving her to two major events, where her brother works security and scores us free tickets. The Indiana Flower and Patio Show in March is her Super Bowl; the Christmas Gift and Hobby Show is her San Diego Comic Con.

Right this way for too-early Christmas photos!

Top 10 Captions for Your Inflatable Armed Snowman

Snowman Hunter!

Previously on Midlife Crisis Crossover: we took our first plane ride and walked away from the landing without a scratch. While my wife is holding up the “business” end of her “business trip” travel deal, I’m spending the week running around Colorado Springs and the surrounding areas to see new sights that didn’t make the cut on our 2012 road trip.

After she was released from duty today a few hours early, we spent some bonus quality time together and visited a few places we’d never been before. One of those was Bass Pro Shops, which has zero locations within 100 miles of our hometown. We don’t hunt, fish, boat, seriously hike, go camping, stock up on assault gear, or participate in most other functions supported by the products we saw, so it’s not as though we’d personally have a good use for one. But we know they’re a big deal to some folks, and we just so happened to be in a convenient position to peek inside one. We decided to browse for our own curiosity.

As I expected, we saw animal taxidermy, assorted weapons, outdoor clothing for outdoor people, fish capturing mechanisms, and so forth. In other words, much like our Dick’s Sporting Goods back home, or the Cabela’s we’ve seen in other states. That makes sense to me. Not our demographic, but we have plenty of friends and family who’d consider such places a great reason for an all-day shopping trip.

And then there was the big guy in the above photo. I stared and I stared, and I don’t get him. I just don’t understand his existence. At all.

Right this way for pet theories why!

The MCC Christmas Archive 2014!

Christmas with Morgan Freeman

Submitted for your re-approval: the third annual MCC imaginary reading of A Charlie Brown Christmas‘ version of the Christmas story by Not Morgan Freeman. (Freeman photo credit: CynSimp via photopin cc)

By the time many of you glance at this, the Christmas season will be over and your internet contributions for the rest of the year will consist mostly of blocking former loved ones on Facebook and brainstorming New Year’s resolutions that were made to be broken. For anyone who wants to prolong the magic, the following guide to recommended Midlife Crisis Crossover Christmas entries from 2013 and 2014 is provided here as a value-added holiday gift for anyone who’s been too busy for reading this month, for longtime MCC readers who love themed compilations, for those who forgot what last year was like, or for incorrigible MCC spammers who need new pages to infiltrate. For new readers who joined us in 2014, last year’s MCC Christmas archive should bring you up to date on what you missed from MCC Year One, and provides glimpses into what ideas I might be tempted to recycle in 2015.

Enjoy! And if I don’t see you tonight or tomorrow: Merry Christmas!

Frosty the Snowman!

* “My Super Awesome ‘Frosty the Snowman’ Reboot Pitch” — If you click on just one of these entries, let it be my outline for a thirteen-episode Frosty series reboot called Snowman, which totally deserves a mid-season slot on The CW, or maybe Esquire TV. My favorite thing I’ve done all month, possibly one of my five favorite 2014 entries in terms of sheer writing joy.

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2014 Christmas Photos, Because Christmas

Mamaw's Tree!

Closeup of my wife’s grandmother’s Christmas tree. The family sees to it that it’s put up and decorated and standing tall for her every year.

Christmas! Christmas! Christmas! Just, y’know, for the record.

Lots of folks out there are busy, bustling, hustling, jostling, careening around their nearest shopping district and/or enduring work for just one more shift until that wonderful time arrives. So much to plan, so many gatherings to negotiate, so much food to hoard and craft into pleasant shapes before the stores shut down, so few moments to spare for reading or internet interaction or Liking stuff. It’s okay. I understand. We’re busy here, too, even though this is MCC’s 900th entry and I feel like I should be celebrating or something. But hey, Christmas and all that, right?

In that spirit of bouncy Christmas merriment and limited free time, we present Christmas pics of recent vintage never before shared on MCC, until now for your split-second perusal and positive Christmas reinforcement. Please enjoy, then go do whatever you gotta do, up to and including CHRISTMAS!

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42 Bath & Body Works Rejects for Last-Minute Christmas Shoppers

Bath & Body Works!

This photo contains SPOILERS for some of our relatives, but they never visit this site. Lucky me!

I don’t know if your local strip malls have Bath & Body Works stores, but ’round these parts they’re the uncontested champions of creating and marketing soaps, shampoo, shower gels, lotions, sprays, and other assorted cleansing liquids in imaginative flavors, scents, or made-up poetic themes. You can’t buy just one B&BW item in a given kind such as Juniper Breeze, Country Apple, Twilight Woods, Midnight Pomegranate, Dancing Waters, or Warm Vanilla Sugar. You have to collect the entire set or else your bathroom cabinet contents won’t match and all your showers and baths will go horribly wrong. Other customers can just tell, and their concerned glares will heap shame upon you and your failure to treat hygiene as pretty-smelling Serious Business.

The women in my wife’s family love, love, love their B&BW products. Every one of them has a favorite flavor or scent from the vast catalog of personal cleansing products. Amazingly, my wife has memorized the favorites of every single relative so she’ll know exactly which stocking stuffers to buy. I’ve never once seen her swap their gels by accident, nor vice versa. Somehow they all have a system and it works for them. This sort of thing doesn’t have to be divided among gender lines, but my son, my brothers-in-law, my nephews, and I are united in our befuddlement while this part of the annual gift exchange goes on. We figure as long as we’re clean, or at least clean-ish, we’re good to go.

Right this way for your last, best, most desperate holiday gift-giving guide!